Family Crisis Never Comes When Convenient

Family Crisis - Those words can strike fear in most adults.
A simple search of "Family Crisis, caring for the elderly" in the New York Times, www.nytimes.com finds numerous articles covering a wide range of options and alternative programs. http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection&region=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/family+crisis+caring+for+the+elderly/
So too, crisis within a family may take many forms.
Crisis may be in the form of Grandparents who suddenly have to take on raising their Grandchildren after years out of the Parental Melting Pot of School, Extracurricular endeavors like sports, dance, etc. http://www.nytimes.com/1997/03/30/nyregion/caring-for-the-grandchildren.html
Crisis may come from an accident or injury to a parent that suddenly makes them need care from their adult children.
Crisis may come from an adult child who suffers an injury and needs care.
Both of these situations may make Guardianship a necessary court intervention.

Of course, Interventions are by design adversarial, and Court Interventions are no less so.
The Court's process in a Guardianship begins with a "Petition to Determine Competence."
I doubt there is anything more harmful to family interaction than one family member going to court seeking to have the judge find another family member Incompetent.

Perhaps employing an Elder Care Specialist might be helpful. More than 4 years ago the times reported shortages in this area. http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/06/20/a-missed-opportunity-to-recruit-specialists-in-elder-care/

Typically, the adult children have been helping "Mom or Dad" in various ways and in varying amounts over many weeks, months or even years. One child takes them to the doctor, the pharmacist, and to lunch every Saturday. One Child does all their banking, making sure the doctor is paid, the pharmacist is paid and the credit cards are all paid. One child calls every day, hears about the trip to the doctor, the trip to the pharmacist, and even hears all about the luncheon on Saturday. Each child feels they are doing a lot, and all feel Mom and Dad need their help for this, that or the other task. Eventually, one child decides "something must be done" to either spread the burden of care, or establish authority for care, or once and for all to affirm to everyone else that "I am in charge!"

Sometimes people have to take time off of work. Many people still think Family Medical Leave Act provides payment for these "job vacations." Not true. What to do? http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/17/a-way-to-stay-on-the-job/?_r=0

At this point it is important to know that a Guardianship can be expensive. The legislature requires that people must be represented by an attorney in Guardianship Proceedings. This includes any individual seeking to become the Guardian, as well as any other party who wants to be involved in the process. Additionally, the Proposed Ward must be represented by an independent attorney, known as an Attorney Elisor, to protect the Proposed Ward's interests; after all, this proceeding may remove substantial rights of citizenship including the right to vote, the right to marry, the right to decide where and with whom to live, etc.

The Court will appoint 3 people to evaluate the Proposed Ward, including two doctors and one "layperson" with experience in evaluations of Alzheimer's, Dementia or Eldercare. These must be paid and must complete their evaluation in a timely manner, usually within about 30-60 days of appointment. Occasionally, these people meet with delays in completing their evaluations, and like all things in the legal world, delays may require additional time and fees.

Sometimes Family Crisis comes from Divorce. Other times the crisis comes from assets being hidden or bank accounts being frozen by the courts or by opposing parties. Even though they look similar, Financial abuse of the elderly can be a serious crime, but may simply be Medicaid Planning in a thought out (if not talked out) process.

What Family Crisis are You Facing today? Do you need help? If you have all the answers, please let the rest of us know. If you would like to discuss some collaborative, creative or essential solutions to a Family Crisis, call me, at 407-645-3297.  Or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
Thanks!

Proof Your Marriage: Ashley Madison was a Symptom

Each morning when we can, my wife and I watch the Today Show www.today.com , together. We usually record it and shrink the viewing time to about 25 minutes by skipping all the commercials and teasers. Today had already planned a series this week on Marriage, and by a look at the news recently, their timing could not have been better.

After last weeks Ashley Madison Hacker scandal we keep seeing famous and not so famous people being caught up in the carnage. From politicians and Duggars( http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/20/us/josh-duggar-ashley-madison/ ) to political cartoons (   ), the fallout continues. This morning brought the first report of two apparent suicides related to revelations of the hackers. http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/2015/08/24/world/americas/24reuters-ashleymadison-cybersecurity-suicides.html

Now a former employee of Ashley Madison claims the website actually made up many of the women listed as interested in affairs. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3206846/Hacked-adultery-website-Ashley-Madison-created-hundreds-fake-female-profiles-lure-male-customers-claims-former-employee.html while The Week profiles a british writer who claims there are just as many women who want to have affairs as men. http://theweek.com/articles/573446/why-are-denying-that-women-used-ashley-madison

Locally, our own State Attorney Jeff Ashton had to schedule a news conference  this past Sunday to say he had done no wrong and the only person he had to explain himself to was the mother of his children.

Finally, in case you are wondering about Central Florida, the following link contains 4,589 individual entries, including names, addresses and web addresses from the Orlando area. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10VMj6xx85aPyY4MocEEnpYwkbCAsG483JK8aQ3pMQoo/htmlview?pli=1
Thanks to "Life has a Restart Button" Walter Benenati, http://www.407bankrupt.com/

But enough about Affairs!

This week Today is featuring ideas and answers to help strengthen your marriage. This morning's segment begins with the "Summer of Celebrity Breakups" and asks if these high-profile breakups mean all marriages are in trouble? Not really says the expert. Northwestern University's professor Eli Finkel.
http://www.today.com/health/3-tips-make-your-marriage-stronger-happier-ever-t40261

Marriages are stronger than ever in some cases. Here are a few examples:

How about a 100 year old couple who have been married 75 years! Congratulations: http://www.today.com/news/100-year-old-couple-celebrates-love-75-years-after-saying-t40396

Celine Dion proves her love by vowing she will take care of her cancer stricken husband until he dies in her arms here: http://www.today.com/health/celine-dion-opens-about-husbands-illness-hell-die-my-arms-t40551

And a couple in Toronto held the grooms funeral on the date they originally intended for the wedding when he lost his long battle with cancer.  http://www.today.com/health/after-dream-ceremony-mans-funeral-held-what-should-have-been-t40356

And people are still getting married (though I hope they are consulting attorneys for prenuptial agreements because sometimes these are needed and many times they create a dialogue that needs to occur.)

Sofia Vergara is getting married and made the cover of several magazines. http://www.today.com/style/see-sofia-vergara-try-gorgeous-wedding-dresses-t40371

Alison Brie and Dave Franco got engaged. http://www.today.com/popculture/alison-brie-dave-franco-get-engaged-mad-men-star-shows-t40591

For so many, Marriage is a lifelong goal. For others, marriage is not so serious. Where do you fit in? If your marriage is in need of help, watch the Today Show this week. Try the advice of professionals. Work as hard at your marriage as you do at your work.

If these ideas are not your idea of the right direction, perhaps it is time to think about divorce and how you get out of a bad situation. Collaborative Divorce works for many families with children, significant assets or PRIVACY concerns. Or, if you just need to know the options, call me.

Ashley Madison Matters, Even in a No Fault State

Advertising online for an affair:

Life is short. Have an affair.

News came out this week that the Hackers who cracked the Ashley Madison Website http://www.ashleymadison.com
 had dumped all the data.

The Ashley Madison hack includes customer names, credit card data, physical addresses and sexual preferences. Some users were smart enough to use fake names. But financial data is legitimate.

Well thanks to CNN Money, you can find out Why Spouses Cheat: http://money.cnn.com/video/technology/2015/07/20/why-your-spouse-cheats.cnnmoney?iid=EL

You can read the online report here:
http://money.cnn.com/2015/08/19/technology/ashley-madison-search/index.html

Actually CNN Money is not posting the link, but if you really want to search, several other sites included searchable links including the New York Daily News: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/check-email-part-ashley-madison-hack-article-1.2331250

IBTimes: http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/ashley-madison-hack-how-search-adultery-website-data-leak-see-if-your-details-are-there-1516183

and of course, Wired.com: http://www.wired.com/2015/08/check-loved-one-exposed-ashley-madison-hack/

As Jennifer Weiner of the New York Times said, "I can’t believe I’m paying the salaries of government workers who weren’t clever enough to get new emails to deceive their spouses." http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/20/opinion/the-ashley-madison-hack-shows-were-too-dumb-to-cheat.html?_r=0

Lets all just take a step back. Florida is a No-Fault State. So why does it matter if your spouse was playing around or surfing Ashley Madison's directory?

For starters the paternalistic legislature years ago included Adultery as a FACTOR for calculating and awarding Alimony. No Wonder the Legislature now wants to do away with Permanent Alimony.

Under the Florida Statutes, if a person seeks alimony but dissipated marital assets to have an affair, the alimony claim may be lessened, or negated altogether.  Here is what statute section 61.08 actually says: http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&Search_String=&URL=0000-0099/0061/Sections/0061.08.html

"The court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances thereof in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded."

This is in the middle of the FIRST paragraph on alimony.

This little sentence is followed by requirements for the court to first evaluate Need  of the one seeking Alimony; the court must also find the Payor has the Ability to Pay.

Once the court finds Need and Ability to Pay, the court has to determine the appropriate alimony award using another TEN Factors.

The TEN Factors must be evaluated across the several types of alimony available including, Permanent, Durational, Bridge-the-gap, and Rehabilitative. The court may also award Lump Sum Alimony from assets used for Equitable Distribution.

Unfortunately, most people read the little paragraph about Adultery as a VETO of Alimony. Not really the case. Over the many years since the statutes were enacted, many changes have come both from the legislature and from courts.

When you have concerns, seek advice from a trusted legal professional. Ask an attorney you trust how the court might view your unique situation.

Most of all, if you are married, stay off Ashley Madison and similar sites.

Call me at 407-645-3297 when you have questions. You can also visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Peace!

Collaborative Law and Divorce

Having spent a May weekend at Florida's 3rd Annual Statewide Collaborative Conference, I am energized to share the benefits of Collaborative Law with the World!!!

All of my clients agree to use a Collaborative Process if their opposing party will also agree to a Collaborative Process.

Here are a few of my findings:

Constructive Divorce with Value-Based Pricing

By Mark A. Chinn

http://www.americanbar.org/content/newsletter/publications/gp_solo_magazine_home/gp_solo_magazine_index/chinn.html

Planning for Your Divorce…and Your Next Marriage

By Marlo Van Oorschot

http://www.americanbar.org/content/newsletter/publications/gp_solo_magazine_home/gp_solo_magazine_index/planning_divorce.html

Collaborative Law: A New Approach to Divorce

Vol. 32 No. 1
By Terri A. Lastovka
Terri A. Lastovka, CPA, JD, ASA, focuses on business valuations (including dispute resolution valuations) and litigation consulting.
 http://www.americanbar.org/publications/gp_solo/2015/january-february/collaborative_law_new_approach_divorce.html

FAMILY LAW: Collaborative Divorce: Why the Underwhelming Advance?

Vol. 32 No. 1

By Luke Salava
Luke Salava is a fourth-place 2012 Schwab Essay winner who plans to launch StayWed, a nonprofit bringing attorneys and family therapists together to help mend imperiled marriages.
 http://www.americanbar.org/publications/gp_solo/2015/january-february/family_law_collaborative_divorce_why_underwhelming_advance.html

Book Review: Collaborative Divorce Handbook
By Margaret R. Kerouac Esq. – July 28, 2011
http://apps.americanbar.org/litigation/committees/family/articles/summer2011-book-review-collaborative-divorce-handbook.html

The Collaborative Divorce Handbook: Helping Families Without Going to Court, published by Jossey-Bass in 2009, is an excellent and convenient resource for those seeking an in-depth introduction to collaborative practice or as a guide or refresher for those with some experience practicing collaborative law.

Elder Law Major Seminar - OCBA

So this is what I have been working on for several weeks:

Elder Law Committee Major Seminar
Wednesday, May 27, 2015 , 11:30 AM - 4:00 PM
Topic: Probate, Guardianship & Grandparents' Right & Ethics
...

CLE: 4.0 CLE including 1.0 Ethics Approved; Certification Credits: Elder Law 3.0 and Wills, Trusts and Estates 3.0
Speakers:
- Hon. Jose Rodriguez
- Hon. Thomas Mihok (retired)
- Hon. Robert Evans (retired)
- Tiffany Moore Russell, Esq., Orange County Clerk of Courts
- Lisa Paige, Probate Clerk, Orange County Clerk's Office
- Nancy Veneble, Probate Clerk, Orange County Clerk's Office
- Aubrey Ducker, Esq.
- Randy Bryan, Esq. of Hoyt & Bryan
Cost: Members - $40; Non-members $50; OCBA government, law student, and paralegal student members - $25
Registration deadline: May 25, 2015
Lunch will be provided.
Register at the OCBA Store
Location: OCBA Center 880 N. Orange Ave, Orlando, FL 32801
URL: http://orangecountybar.org/products/seminars

Collaborative Law 2015

The Collaborative Family Law Conference is meeting at the Wyndham Grand Hotel at the Bonnet Creek Resort this weekend. BOY do I FEEL LUCKY!!!

Working with Collaborative leaders from all over the state to perfect our practice is a great way to finish out my 3 year term for Continuing Legal Education. Some people would say, wait, why didn't you already finish that? Well, I did, but this is a bonus!

When 400 professionals get together in a legal seminar, it can be a great experience, and it can be a bit of a tooth pulling session.
As the Keynote speaker noted, "How often do you get a chance to be in a group making changes in the world."
Every family needs to know what Collaborative Law can do for their relationships and getting past divorce to a new life.
In Florida there are 10 different Practice Groups. All are part of the Collaborative Law Council of Florida.

I am member of Collaborative Family Law of Central Florida. www.cfl-cfl.com
Being "intentional" in the way a family goes about breaking apart can save children from the dramatic impact of divorce. Most parents say they just want to take care of the kids, but how they do that is a litigated case is beyond me. Most parents think fighting for the most time possible or the most child support possible is what they see as "taking care of the children."

In a Collaborative Divorce, we seek to assist the parents in communicating effectively so they can AGREE on various Goals and then agree to processes to achieve those shared goals.
Shared goals may be for the children to be able to attend college without racking up significant student loan debt.

Awareness of Collaborative Practice
Awareness of the Collaborative Attorney
Relationship Respect - how your name comes up
Reputation - not just what you do, but how you do it.
Visibility - You must be able to BE Found by clients.

Define your brand - Non Adversarial
Live your brand - Non Adversarial
Communicate your brand - Non Adversarial

What is my Brand? WT's Farm - The Ducker Brand

My Grandfather Ducker was well known on Signal Mountain as the most Honest man around. If you asked him a question, no matter how difficult the answer, he would answer honestly, sometimes to his own harm. He grew up in poverty and worked his entire life to give his children the best he could. He was a wonderful example of living up to your word in my life.

My other Grandfather, WT, was the hardest working man I know. He worked from absolute poverty to being one of the leading Polled Hereford farmers in Southeast Tennessee. At a time when artisan was not associated with food, he was a farmer who worked tirelessly for the very best beef, Polled Hereford, being fed the very best grain. All from WT's Farm. His Brand was recognizable on the Mountain and in the County and in the State and across the Southeast.

Who YOU SAY your are must align with who OTHERS SAY you are and most importantly for your own mental health, must be WHO YOU ARE. When I say, "I want to help you move from here to there with the least conflict possible to keep your children from being negatively impacted by your decisions." I am saying that after 15 years of experience watching families break apart and seeing them invest large sums of money to 'get what's right', there is a better way.

Collaborative Divorce is a better way.

I am a calming counsel seeking best outcomes for my clients and their families.

My Brand is a reason to choose. My Brand differentiates me from the other lawyers, attorneys, mediators, counselors, sharks and fish in the sea?

Not just a logo or a tagline.

If you truly want to protect your family from the necessary conflict of a separation, seek out a Collaborative Professional to assist you and your spouse in making the best decisions for the sake of your family.

A Divorce may involve Alimony, Child Support, Timesharing or Property Division. But those are merely the words that are used to describe the outcome. Some divorces involve significant assets, allegations of hiding assets, worries about disclosure of information or finding where all the money was hidden.

Some attorneys will do exactly what their clients want. I am not one of those attorneys. I will work hard to help your family get over this bump in the road and move on with your new life. Call me to find out how Collaborative Law can help your family.
Aubrey

To Grow Closer, Ask These Questions:

When you're fighting all the time, asking someone about their dreams for the future can be a recipe for disaster, especially if those dreams don't include you.

But, if you want to explore your spouse's psyche without risking hurt feelings, try asking the following questions.

Not only will they help you get to know one another all over again; they may also help you find new ways of relating:

·         What's your best memory of us as a couple?

 

·         What did you think of me when we first met?

·         What do you think is our biggest strength as a couple?

·         If you could change one thing about our marriage, what would it be?

·         If I could change one behavior tomorrow to make you happier, what would it be?

·         What would you like to change about yourself as a partner?

·         What are your hopes for our future together?

·         How do you think our values and relationship have changed over time?

·         What's the best thing about being married to me?

·         Is there any sexual trick you've been itching to try?

·         What are you most scared of in our relationship?

·         If I could surprise you with anything, what would you want for it to be?

·         What does a perfect day look like for you?

·         Which ways of showing love feel best to you? Gifts? Sex? Favors? Something else?

·         If I could get you any gift in the world, what would you want? Why?

·         If you could travel anywhere, where would it be?

·         What's the sexiest thing I could do for your right now?

 

Hope it helps! BTW, this came from: http://staymarriedflorida.com/staymarriedblog/want-to-fall-in-love-all-over-ask-your-spouse-these-questions

 

If it is too late, give me a call or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

 

Mediation? Or Collaboration?

What does this say to you?

I am writing to offer my services as a Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator. I AM A PERSUASIVE, PASSIONATE AND AGGRESSIVE MEDIATOR.

That was the first line of a mediator who wants me to hire him for my cases.

I am not sure I want that much passion in Mediation. I would prefer a mediator who can make sure the other side Understands the good offer being presented.

Having had two mediations this week for different clients, and one administrative hearing, I am about ready to say NO! I won't do it any more!

For 15 years I have watched people move from Married to Single through the Florida Courts and have not really witnessed a Perfect Divorce. As close as I can come to a Perfect Dissolution of Marriage occurs in the Collaborative Process.

Litigation looks like this:
Preliminary Review with the Client.
Filing a Petition.
Waiting for an Answer.
Filing an Answer to a Counter Petition.
Asking for Interim Support.
Scheduling Mediation.
Preparing Discovery Requests.
Attending a Hearing.
Responding to Discovery Requests.
Taking Depositions.
Preparing for Mediation.
Defending Depositions.
Conducting Mediation.
Attending a Hearing.
Finding an Expert Witness to evaluate the Financials.
Examining the other side's Expert Witness on Financials.
Finding an Expert Witness on Employment and Income.
Deposing the other side's Expert Witness.
Defending my Experts at Deposition.
Attending a Status Conference.
Preparing a Temporary Agreement.
Preparing for Trial.
Attending a Pretrial Conference.
Preparing for Trial.
Getting final Discovery Items to opposing counsel.
Determining what items were not provided by the other side through Discovery.

Collaborative Divorce, Conscious Uncoupling, or NextGen Divorce http://nextgenerationdivorce.com/  or my favorite: http://cfl-cfl.com
offers real alternatives to the waste of time and money that is litigation.

Investigate the difference.
In a Collaborative Divorce, the steps above are transformed into a few meetings with professionals who help YOU DECIDE what happens with YOUR FAMILY. The Judge doesn't decide. The Lawyers don't decide. 

Each of the Collaborative Professionals, the Collaborative Attorneys, the Financial Neutrals, and the Mental Health Professionals who serve as Communications Facilitators and Neutrals are trained and Committed to the Collaborative Process to help YOU Make the Decisions that Affect Your Family.

Please visit our website at www.aubreylaw.com  or call me at 407-645-1330.

How Expensive Is a Divorce?

For some, VERY Expensive.
An Alimony check made out for $974,790,317.77 seems a little high. When you consider the man writing the check has a net worth of more than $8 Billion, well, lets just say they are still in court!

You can read about it here: http://www.forbes.com/sites/robertwood/2015/01/08/harold-hamms-975-million-uncashed-divorce-check-how-about-deducting-it/

You can even learn a little about taxes and Divorce Settlements here:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/robertwood/2014/11/11/harold-hamms-billion-dollar-divorce-and-the-irs/2/

In reality, a Divorce can be expensive or cheap, depending upon your desires. If you seek maximum conflict, then expensive it is. If you want years of legal wrangling, go with cheap.

My office strives for efficiently extricating clients from difficulties. We want to prevent problems next year by doing the hard work now. Many times, clients see their dreams realized by selecting Collaborative Divorce and making their own decisions.

Where there are High Assets, people may want to limit their exposure to the public and to continuing attorneys fees and court costs. Collaboration is the way to go.

Visit my website to learn more: www.aubreylaw.com
or simply pick up the phone and call 407-645-3297.
I look forward to hearing from you.

Living Wills and the Right to Control Your Life

Living Wills became imperative in Florida after the entire country watched the Terri Shiavo ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terri_Schiavo_case ) drama play out over many years as the Husband tried to allow his wife to die in peace, while her parents insisted on keeping her alive at all costs. Even the Florida Supreme Court and the U.S. Congress got involved in this family's fight.  The case even evolved into a college level course at Michigan State University: https://www.msu.edu/course/hm/546/schiavo_case.htm

When Terri finally died, CNN covered the story: http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/03/31/schiavo/

Almost 10 years later, the Connecticut Supreme Court is being asked to consider whether a 17-year old should be able to refuse Chemotherapy that has an 80% chance of saving her life. The oversimplification of questions in court is required by the media to tell a compelling story, but most people realize family healthcare decisions, and issues involving death, cancer, chemotherapy, and the Department of Children and Families are seldom as simple as the media tries to portray.

The Orlando Sentinel carried the story on Page A-3 (http://eedition.orlandosentinel.com/Olive/ODE/orlandosentinel2/

which originated with the Hartford Current and picked up by Raw Story here: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/01/teen-girl-and-mother-fight-state-of-connecticut-over-right-to-refuse-life-saving-chemo/

Questions of how to end your life, or how to live your life are ever present.

I work in Collaborative Law because tough decisions require well reasoned approaches and detailed answers.

Collaborate.

For your family's sake.

Peace.