Ashley Madison Matters, Even in a No Fault State

Advertising online for an affair:

Life is short. Have an affair.

News came out this week that the Hackers who cracked the Ashley Madison Website http://www.ashleymadison.com
 had dumped all the data.

The Ashley Madison hack includes customer names, credit card data, physical addresses and sexual preferences. Some users were smart enough to use fake names. But financial data is legitimate.

Well thanks to CNN Money, you can find out Why Spouses Cheat: http://money.cnn.com/video/technology/2015/07/20/why-your-spouse-cheats.cnnmoney?iid=EL

You can read the online report here:
http://money.cnn.com/2015/08/19/technology/ashley-madison-search/index.html

Actually CNN Money is not posting the link, but if you really want to search, several other sites included searchable links including the New York Daily News: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/check-email-part-ashley-madison-hack-article-1.2331250

IBTimes: http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/ashley-madison-hack-how-search-adultery-website-data-leak-see-if-your-details-are-there-1516183

and of course, Wired.com: http://www.wired.com/2015/08/check-loved-one-exposed-ashley-madison-hack/

As Jennifer Weiner of the New York Times said, "I can’t believe I’m paying the salaries of government workers who weren’t clever enough to get new emails to deceive their spouses." http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/20/opinion/the-ashley-madison-hack-shows-were-too-dumb-to-cheat.html?_r=0

Lets all just take a step back. Florida is a No-Fault State. So why does it matter if your spouse was playing around or surfing Ashley Madison's directory?

For starters the paternalistic legislature years ago included Adultery as a FACTOR for calculating and awarding Alimony. No Wonder the Legislature now wants to do away with Permanent Alimony.

Under the Florida Statutes, if a person seeks alimony but dissipated marital assets to have an affair, the alimony claim may be lessened, or negated altogether.  Here is what statute section 61.08 actually says: http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&Search_String=&URL=0000-0099/0061/Sections/0061.08.html

"The court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances thereof in determining the amount of alimony, if any, to be awarded."

This is in the middle of the FIRST paragraph on alimony.

This little sentence is followed by requirements for the court to first evaluate Need  of the one seeking Alimony; the court must also find the Payor has the Ability to Pay.

Once the court finds Need and Ability to Pay, the court has to determine the appropriate alimony award using another TEN Factors.

The TEN Factors must be evaluated across the several types of alimony available including, Permanent, Durational, Bridge-the-gap, and Rehabilitative. The court may also award Lump Sum Alimony from assets used for Equitable Distribution.

Unfortunately, most people read the little paragraph about Adultery as a VETO of Alimony. Not really the case. Over the many years since the statutes were enacted, many changes have come both from the legislature and from courts.

When you have concerns, seek advice from a trusted legal professional. Ask an attorney you trust how the court might view your unique situation.

Most of all, if you are married, stay off Ashley Madison and similar sites.

Call me at 407-645-3297 when you have questions. You can also visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Peace!

Collaborative Law 2015

The Collaborative Family Law Conference is meeting at the Wyndham Grand Hotel at the Bonnet Creek Resort this weekend. BOY do I FEEL LUCKY!!!

Working with Collaborative leaders from all over the state to perfect our practice is a great way to finish out my 3 year term for Continuing Legal Education. Some people would say, wait, why didn't you already finish that? Well, I did, but this is a bonus!

When 400 professionals get together in a legal seminar, it can be a great experience, and it can be a bit of a tooth pulling session.
As the Keynote speaker noted, "How often do you get a chance to be in a group making changes in the world."
Every family needs to know what Collaborative Law can do for their relationships and getting past divorce to a new life.
In Florida there are 10 different Practice Groups. All are part of the Collaborative Law Council of Florida.

I am member of Collaborative Family Law of Central Florida. www.cfl-cfl.com
Being "intentional" in the way a family goes about breaking apart can save children from the dramatic impact of divorce. Most parents say they just want to take care of the kids, but how they do that is a litigated case is beyond me. Most parents think fighting for the most time possible or the most child support possible is what they see as "taking care of the children."

In a Collaborative Divorce, we seek to assist the parents in communicating effectively so they can AGREE on various Goals and then agree to processes to achieve those shared goals.
Shared goals may be for the children to be able to attend college without racking up significant student loan debt.

Awareness of Collaborative Practice
Awareness of the Collaborative Attorney
Relationship Respect - how your name comes up
Reputation - not just what you do, but how you do it.
Visibility - You must be able to BE Found by clients.

Define your brand - Non Adversarial
Live your brand - Non Adversarial
Communicate your brand - Non Adversarial

What is my Brand? WT's Farm - The Ducker Brand

My Grandfather Ducker was well known on Signal Mountain as the most Honest man around. If you asked him a question, no matter how difficult the answer, he would answer honestly, sometimes to his own harm. He grew up in poverty and worked his entire life to give his children the best he could. He was a wonderful example of living up to your word in my life.

My other Grandfather, WT, was the hardest working man I know. He worked from absolute poverty to being one of the leading Polled Hereford farmers in Southeast Tennessee. At a time when artisan was not associated with food, he was a farmer who worked tirelessly for the very best beef, Polled Hereford, being fed the very best grain. All from WT's Farm. His Brand was recognizable on the Mountain and in the County and in the State and across the Southeast.

Who YOU SAY your are must align with who OTHERS SAY you are and most importantly for your own mental health, must be WHO YOU ARE. When I say, "I want to help you move from here to there with the least conflict possible to keep your children from being negatively impacted by your decisions." I am saying that after 15 years of experience watching families break apart and seeing them invest large sums of money to 'get what's right', there is a better way.

Collaborative Divorce is a better way.

I am a calming counsel seeking best outcomes for my clients and their families.

My Brand is a reason to choose. My Brand differentiates me from the other lawyers, attorneys, mediators, counselors, sharks and fish in the sea?

Not just a logo or a tagline.

If you truly want to protect your family from the necessary conflict of a separation, seek out a Collaborative Professional to assist you and your spouse in making the best decisions for the sake of your family.

A Divorce may involve Alimony, Child Support, Timesharing or Property Division. But those are merely the words that are used to describe the outcome. Some divorces involve significant assets, allegations of hiding assets, worries about disclosure of information or finding where all the money was hidden.

Some attorneys will do exactly what their clients want. I am not one of those attorneys. I will work hard to help your family get over this bump in the road and move on with your new life. Call me to find out how Collaborative Law can help your family.
Aubrey

On Marriage and Divorce, Collaborative Style

We can't all have a marriage like Jay Z and Beyoncé. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/04/arts/music/beyonce-and-jay-zs-sultry-dance-makes-a-case-for-marriage.html  But can we all have the benefits? Married partners who truly express their love, can be affirming for others. Couples who share their "dirty laundry" can make the rest of us uncomfortable. Are you happy in your marriage? There are certainly benefits, but some may be overstated.

Recently an article in the New York Times caught my eye: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/magazine/can-marriage-cure-poverty.html?hpw&rref=magazine
Titled, Can Marriage Cure Poverty, the article explores the idea that married couples are somehow boosted from the poorhouse through collective gain. While it is an easy assumption that two parties can live more efficiently than one, I think this article places too much emphasis on raw statistical analysis and too little on evidence of life realities in the 21st century.
Actually the opinion piece is critical of Florida Senator Marco Rubio for his statements on the subject. At a speech by Rubio last month he stated: In 1964, “93 percent of children born in the United States were born to married parents. By 2010 that number had plummeted to 60 percent.”
Rubio was really criticizing President Johnson and the War on Poverty, Johnson’s governmental campaign to boost the opportunity and incomes of the poor, begun in 1964. So on the 50th anniversary of the War on Poverty,  Rubio calls marriage “the greatest tool to lift children and families from poverty.” How nice. If only the other 7% of children had had married parents, there would have been no poverty to declare war upon.
Very Naïve Senator.

Another article details the other end of the spectrum: Divorce among the 1%.  http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/02/business/breakup-at-740-park-avenue.html?_r=0
As Julie Creswell writes, "This is a story of marriage and money in the 16-room, five-and-a-half-bath duplex world of luxury Manhattan real estate." What might be referred to as a High Asset Divorce.
The story goes on to detail the catastrophe of the Great Recession as it inspires the rich to seek divorce. Unfortunately, as unhappy marriages sometimes go, there was an allegation of a drunken assault, resulting police intervention. From there the story is all too familiar. Any equitable distribution must consider allegations of a post-nuptial agreement, claims of ownership of jewelry, insurance proceeds taken by fraud, ashtrays valuations, and all manner of argument. Collaborative Law might have helped out this situation. I wonder if Senator Rubio warned them of the poverty headed their way? Perhaps he should have because bankruptcy filings are mentioned throughout the story.

Parents must make real choices for their children. Preservation of assets may seem as though one party simply wants all the pie while leaving the cleanup to others. Actually, children of divorce have higher incidence of teen pregnancy, school disciplinary problems, and criminal activity when compared to their friends of happily married parents.

In a collaborative practice, we seek to allow parents to make the decisions normally left to the judge. We allow parents to find the best result for their family even if it is not exactly like the law may imply. What is best for your family? If divorce is being discussed, Collaborative Law should be considered.

If you have questions, call me 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
          I look forward to hearing from you!

How to Contact an Attorney

Today I received an Email:
How would you like to be contacted?
Email

Brief description of your legal issue:
Price range for divorce. Older couple, married 9 years, No children, Income husb works in construction wife receiving SS only. Homeowner, property value is upside down. owe more that is worth. No 401K or savings, living pay check to paycheck. How much will it cost to get a divorce and how long will it take for the divorce to become final. Thanks,

This email was initiated at the Findlaw FirmSite http://www.aubreylaw.com/Contact.shtml.

This is the letter I sent in response:

Dear Ms. _____________,

If you and your husband agree to divorce, and agree to divide all assets, your divorce could be very inexpensive. With agreements, you could be divorce in as little as 21 days. On the other hand, if you cannot agree, and the two of you fight it out in court, your divorce could take a very long time and take significantly more of your resources to complete.

I charge $1,500 for an Uncontested Divorce. A Contested matter begins at $3,000. Fees for filing are also required, $408 filing fee and approximately $42 in service of process charges.

Your divorce sounds as if it should be uncontested; it could also be completed in a Collaborative PRocess, where the two of you meet with advisers and work out the details, then file as "Uncontested."  If you choose a collaborative process, I would represent you for $1,500, but there may be some additional charges for excess time spent in meetings.

Please call my office to schedule an appointment.

If you have questions, call me at 407-645-3297, or send an email to: aubrey@aubreylaw.com

 

Aubrey Ducker

 

The Law Offices of

Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr. PLC

2020 Mizell Avenue

Winter Park, FL  32792

www.aubreylaw.com

Fla. Bar No.: 173680

Phone: 407-645-3297

Fax: 407-645-3298

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

What do You do when You don't Know What to do?

When all around you are losing their heads over some perceived emergency without any plan of action, What do You Do? Do you stop and ask directions? Do you sit quietly and wait for the storm to pass, then clean up the mess and plan better to prevent future emergencies? Do you lead the charge, yelling do something to those around you who neither know what needs to be done nor how to go about doing it?
I am one who addresses those emergencies in life with a calm reflection. I have seen the damage done by a hasty response. I have witnessed the exponential increase in stress caused by the "Chicken Little" response of "the sky is falling".
Many years ago, I was the one to notice the sky falling and attempt to warn those around me. Working on the electrical plant of a Nuclear Submarine, I would many times see an emergency arrise on the meters and guages and it was my duty to not only note the changes, but to recommend actions to prevent damage to crucial equipment. Others might jump in before seeing All the indicators, trying to fix the first indications only to compound the real source of the problem. Many times, waiting for the opportune moment to suggest a better course of action means being heard rather than ignored.
In my practice, I see people in some of their worst situations, impending death, Family strife, marital strife, Divorce, etc. Many times alcoholism or drug addiction play a part in destroyed relationships. Other times, simple communication issues cause complete distrust or misunderstanding. An outsider who has witnessed the progression of strife, can see the direction, even if he or she cannot adequately communicate to the parties involved.
Life can be like that. Make a friendly suggestion before the friend recognizes the dire straits, and risk being ignored. Once the magnitude of problem is considered, a timely suggestion means all the difference in the world. Call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com and let me help you recognize the symptoms and solutions to your problems.

When Its Over

How do you know when the marriage is truly OVER?

A Few Questions:
Has counseling been attempted, in good faith by both parties?
Has the "objectional conduct" (whether that be financial irresponsibility, adultery, abuse or disrespect) continued despite numerous suggestions, demands, ultimatums, counseling sessions and threats?
Have you put forth every effort to follow the Serenity Prayer?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Are there things you cannot change that your partner cannot forgive?
Are there things your partner cannot change that you cannot forgive?

If you answer yes to these questions, then it is time for a divorce. Children do not flourish in an environment of discord, anger, mistrust and false security. If you would get divorced but for having children, how does your conflict affect the children?

Most people who call my office either Know their marriage is over, or Want to Know if their marriage can be saved. Unfortunately, Whether their marriage is over or salvageable is one question they have to answer for themselves. If you are looking here for the answer, call me and lets discuss the situation. I'll try to help You find the right answer for You.