Each morning when we can, my wife and I watch the Today Show www.today.com , together. We usually record it and shrink the viewing time to about 25 minutes by skipping all the commercials and teasers. Today had already planned a series this week on Marriage, and by a look at the news recently, their timing could not have been better.
After last weeks Ashley Madison Hacker scandal we keep seeing famous and not so famous people being caught up in the carnage. From politicians and Duggars( http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/20/us/josh-duggar-ashley-madison/ ) to political cartoons ( ), the fallout continues. This morning brought the first report of two apparent suicides related to revelations of the hackers. http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/2015/08/24/world/americas/24reuters-ashleymadison-cybersecurity-suicides.html
Now a former employee of Ashley Madison claims the website actually made up many of the women listed as interested in affairs. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3206846/Hacked-adultery-website-Ashley-Madison-created-hundreds-fake-female-profiles-lure-male-customers-claims-former-employee.html while The Week profiles a british writer who claims there are just as many women who want to have affairs as men. http://theweek.com/articles/573446/why-are-denying-that-women-used-ashley-madison
Locally, our own State Attorney Jeff Ashton had to schedule a news conference this past Sunday to say he had done no wrong and the only person he had to explain himself to was the mother of his children.
Finally, in case you are wondering about Central Florida, the following link contains 4,589 individual entries, including names, addresses and web addresses from the Orlando area. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10VMj6xx85aPyY4MocEEnpYwkbCAsG483JK8aQ3pMQoo/htmlview?pli=1
Thanks to "Life has a Restart Button" Walter Benenati, http://www.407bankrupt.com/
But enough about Affairs!
This week Today is featuring ideas and answers to help strengthen your marriage. This morning's segment begins with the "Summer of Celebrity Breakups" and asks if these high-profile breakups mean all marriages are in trouble? Not really says the expert. Northwestern University's professor Eli Finkel.
http://www.today.com/health/3-tips-make-your-marriage-stronger-happier-ever-t40261
Marriages are stronger than ever in some cases. Here are a few examples:
How about a 100 year old couple who have been married 75 years! Congratulations: http://www.today.com/news/100-year-old-couple-celebrates-love-75-years-after-saying-t40396
Celine Dion proves her love by vowing she will take care of her cancer stricken husband until he dies in her arms here: http://www.today.com/health/celine-dion-opens-about-husbands-illness-hell-die-my-arms-t40551
And a couple in Toronto held the grooms funeral on the date they originally intended for the wedding when he lost his long battle with cancer. http://www.today.com/health/after-dream-ceremony-mans-funeral-held-what-should-have-been-t40356
And people are still getting married (though I hope they are consulting attorneys for prenuptial agreements because sometimes these are needed and many times they create a dialogue that needs to occur.)
Sofia Vergara is getting married and made the cover of several magazines. http://www.today.com/style/see-sofia-vergara-try-gorgeous-wedding-dresses-t40371
Alison Brie and Dave Franco got engaged. http://www.today.com/popculture/alison-brie-dave-franco-get-engaged-mad-men-star-shows-t40591
For so many, Marriage is a lifelong goal. For others, marriage is not so serious. Where do you fit in? If your marriage is in need of help, watch the Today Show this week. Try the advice of professionals. Work as hard at your marriage as you do at your work.
If these ideas are not your idea of the right direction, perhaps it is time to think about divorce and how you get out of a bad situation. Collaborative Divorce works for many families with children, significant assets or PRIVACY concerns. Or, if you just need to know the options, call me.
Showing posts with label privacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label privacy. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Friday, August 8, 2014
The Birds and Bees of Marriage and Divorce
You know Bees only attend one Queen. They are from birth set out to serve their Queen and only when a new queen is birthed in the hive does the hive divorce into "old Queen," in the current hive, and "New Queen" hives destined to seek out a hive with her new workers and drones. There is no "hive intermingling" so to speak.
Likewise, birds can be fairly monogamous, although some are quite prone to wanderlust. Certain birds are quite adept at philandering between as many partners as possible. Take Hummingbirds for instance, "Speedy hummingbirds, eating on the run and flitting from mate to mate, are prone to heart attacks," says Noah Strycker in his new book The Thing With Feathers, reviewed in a New York Times Article yesterday. Also in the review is Bernd Heinrich's The Homing Instinct. What do these books tell us about Marriage and Divorce? http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/10/books/review/the-thing-with-feathers-and-the-homing-instinct.html?_r=0
Homing instincts are critical to birds navigation around the globe. Most interesting is the description of the Albatross which spends most of its life soaring over the vast open oceans, but is fairly monogamous throughout life. The Albatross uses a dance ritual, learned from years of "courting" that is "as unique as human fingerprints" to each Albatross couple.
Sunday's magazine of the NYT included a wonderful article detailing Human interaction in relationship and the correlations of education to stability. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/27/opinion/sunday/the-new-instability.html
Comparison over many years would lead most to believe that since the Equal Rights Revolution in the 60's and 70's divorce has actually become less common among more highly educated men and women. Obviously, changing societal norms have a great impact, as do attitudes. Just watch an episode of Mad Men to see how far we have come.
If partners to a marriage spent comparative times apart as Albatross couples, and focused their times together on dancing in sync, perhaps divorce would not be common. But human relationships are much trickier than Albatross' interactions.
Couples undergoing Collaborative Divorce, or Conscious Uncoupling as it is beginning to be known, report significantly improved communications. Probably communications improvements result from the use of a Neutral Facilitator who is trained in interpersonal communication. Perhaps just seeing a clear path to the finalization of the divorce helps. In any case, using a logical, step by step approach to divorce creates numerous benefits over Litigation.
Collaboration also produces much more fair results than are sometimes obtained through Mediation alone. In Mediation, the parties may not be represented by attorneys and therefore may not have legal advice as to the fairness of anticipated settlements.
In Collaborative Divorce, each side has an attorney to advice, coach and assist toward a fair result. Each side participates in setting the goals for the Collaborative Team. The Collaborative Team eliminates much of the fighting. When questions arise over who makes how much, what value to place on businesses, and how to divide Real Property, what personal property will be included and who will get what, the Collaborative Team works to balance all considerations to achieve the Team Goals set by the Parties themselves.
(here is an interesting article about some of the potential problems with dividing real estate: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/03/realestate/divorcing-co-op-owners-rooftop-barbecues-and-costly-assessments.html )
As assets increase, so does the news value of divorce. http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2014/07/24/kenneth-griffin-files-for-divorce-from-anne-dias-griffin/
Especially when the divorce involves significantly high assets such as the Griffin matter. When privacy is a concern, Collaborative Divorce is key. Agreements to keep the matter private are much more effective when all parties are sitting around a table and commit to common goals by signing their agreements not to resort to litigation. Agreeing to agree is possible.
Likewise, birds can be fairly monogamous, although some are quite prone to wanderlust. Certain birds are quite adept at philandering between as many partners as possible. Take Hummingbirds for instance, "Speedy hummingbirds, eating on the run and flitting from mate to mate, are prone to heart attacks," says Noah Strycker in his new book The Thing With Feathers, reviewed in a New York Times Article yesterday. Also in the review is Bernd Heinrich's The Homing Instinct. What do these books tell us about Marriage and Divorce? http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/10/books/review/the-thing-with-feathers-and-the-homing-instinct.html?_r=0
Homing instincts are critical to birds navigation around the globe. Most interesting is the description of the Albatross which spends most of its life soaring over the vast open oceans, but is fairly monogamous throughout life. The Albatross uses a dance ritual, learned from years of "courting" that is "as unique as human fingerprints" to each Albatross couple.
Sunday's magazine of the NYT included a wonderful article detailing Human interaction in relationship and the correlations of education to stability. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/27/opinion/sunday/the-new-instability.html
Comparison over many years would lead most to believe that since the Equal Rights Revolution in the 60's and 70's divorce has actually become less common among more highly educated men and women. Obviously, changing societal norms have a great impact, as do attitudes. Just watch an episode of Mad Men to see how far we have come.
If partners to a marriage spent comparative times apart as Albatross couples, and focused their times together on dancing in sync, perhaps divorce would not be common. But human relationships are much trickier than Albatross' interactions.
Couples undergoing Collaborative Divorce, or Conscious Uncoupling as it is beginning to be known, report significantly improved communications. Probably communications improvements result from the use of a Neutral Facilitator who is trained in interpersonal communication. Perhaps just seeing a clear path to the finalization of the divorce helps. In any case, using a logical, step by step approach to divorce creates numerous benefits over Litigation.
Collaboration also produces much more fair results than are sometimes obtained through Mediation alone. In Mediation, the parties may not be represented by attorneys and therefore may not have legal advice as to the fairness of anticipated settlements.
In Collaborative Divorce, each side has an attorney to advice, coach and assist toward a fair result. Each side participates in setting the goals for the Collaborative Team. The Collaborative Team eliminates much of the fighting. When questions arise over who makes how much, what value to place on businesses, and how to divide Real Property, what personal property will be included and who will get what, the Collaborative Team works to balance all considerations to achieve the Team Goals set by the Parties themselves.
(here is an interesting article about some of the potential problems with dividing real estate: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/03/realestate/divorcing-co-op-owners-rooftop-barbecues-and-costly-assessments.html )
As assets increase, so does the news value of divorce. http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2014/07/24/kenneth-griffin-files-for-divorce-from-anne-dias-griffin/
Especially when the divorce involves significantly high assets such as the Griffin matter. When privacy is a concern, Collaborative Divorce is key. Agreements to keep the matter private are much more effective when all parties are sitting around a table and commit to common goals by signing their agreements not to resort to litigation. Agreeing to agree is possible.
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