Family Crisis Never Comes When Convenient

Family Crisis - Those words can strike fear in most adults.
A simple search of "Family Crisis, caring for the elderly" in the New York Times, www.nytimes.com finds numerous articles covering a wide range of options and alternative programs. http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection&region=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/family+crisis+caring+for+the+elderly/
So too, crisis within a family may take many forms.
Crisis may be in the form of Grandparents who suddenly have to take on raising their Grandchildren after years out of the Parental Melting Pot of School, Extracurricular endeavors like sports, dance, etc. http://www.nytimes.com/1997/03/30/nyregion/caring-for-the-grandchildren.html
Crisis may come from an accident or injury to a parent that suddenly makes them need care from their adult children.
Crisis may come from an adult child who suffers an injury and needs care.
Both of these situations may make Guardianship a necessary court intervention.

Of course, Interventions are by design adversarial, and Court Interventions are no less so.
The Court's process in a Guardianship begins with a "Petition to Determine Competence."
I doubt there is anything more harmful to family interaction than one family member going to court seeking to have the judge find another family member Incompetent.

Perhaps employing an Elder Care Specialist might be helpful. More than 4 years ago the times reported shortages in this area. http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/06/20/a-missed-opportunity-to-recruit-specialists-in-elder-care/

Typically, the adult children have been helping "Mom or Dad" in various ways and in varying amounts over many weeks, months or even years. One child takes them to the doctor, the pharmacist, and to lunch every Saturday. One Child does all their banking, making sure the doctor is paid, the pharmacist is paid and the credit cards are all paid. One child calls every day, hears about the trip to the doctor, the trip to the pharmacist, and even hears all about the luncheon on Saturday. Each child feels they are doing a lot, and all feel Mom and Dad need their help for this, that or the other task. Eventually, one child decides "something must be done" to either spread the burden of care, or establish authority for care, or once and for all to affirm to everyone else that "I am in charge!"

Sometimes people have to take time off of work. Many people still think Family Medical Leave Act provides payment for these "job vacations." Not true. What to do? http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/12/17/a-way-to-stay-on-the-job/?_r=0

At this point it is important to know that a Guardianship can be expensive. The legislature requires that people must be represented by an attorney in Guardianship Proceedings. This includes any individual seeking to become the Guardian, as well as any other party who wants to be involved in the process. Additionally, the Proposed Ward must be represented by an independent attorney, known as an Attorney Elisor, to protect the Proposed Ward's interests; after all, this proceeding may remove substantial rights of citizenship including the right to vote, the right to marry, the right to decide where and with whom to live, etc.

The Court will appoint 3 people to evaluate the Proposed Ward, including two doctors and one "layperson" with experience in evaluations of Alzheimer's, Dementia or Eldercare. These must be paid and must complete their evaluation in a timely manner, usually within about 30-60 days of appointment. Occasionally, these people meet with delays in completing their evaluations, and like all things in the legal world, delays may require additional time and fees.

Sometimes Family Crisis comes from Divorce. Other times the crisis comes from assets being hidden or bank accounts being frozen by the courts or by opposing parties. Even though they look similar, Financial abuse of the elderly can be a serious crime, but may simply be Medicaid Planning in a thought out (if not talked out) process.

What Family Crisis are You Facing today? Do you need help? If you have all the answers, please let the rest of us know. If you would like to discuss some collaborative, creative or essential solutions to a Family Crisis, call me, at 407-645-3297.  Or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
Thanks!

Elder Law Major Seminar - OCBA

So this is what I have been working on for several weeks:

Elder Law Committee Major Seminar
Wednesday, May 27, 2015 , 11:30 AM - 4:00 PM
Topic: Probate, Guardianship & Grandparents' Right & Ethics
...

CLE: 4.0 CLE including 1.0 Ethics Approved; Certification Credits: Elder Law 3.0 and Wills, Trusts and Estates 3.0
Speakers:
- Hon. Jose Rodriguez
- Hon. Thomas Mihok (retired)
- Hon. Robert Evans (retired)
- Tiffany Moore Russell, Esq., Orange County Clerk of Courts
- Lisa Paige, Probate Clerk, Orange County Clerk's Office
- Nancy Veneble, Probate Clerk, Orange County Clerk's Office
- Aubrey Ducker, Esq.
- Randy Bryan, Esq. of Hoyt & Bryan
Cost: Members - $40; Non-members $50; OCBA government, law student, and paralegal student members - $25
Registration deadline: May 25, 2015
Lunch will be provided.
Register at the OCBA Store
Location: OCBA Center 880 N. Orange Ave, Orlando, FL 32801
URL: http://orangecountybar.org/products/seminars

Living Wills and the Right to Control Your Life

Living Wills became imperative in Florida after the entire country watched the Terri Shiavo ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terri_Schiavo_case ) drama play out over many years as the Husband tried to allow his wife to die in peace, while her parents insisted on keeping her alive at all costs. Even the Florida Supreme Court and the U.S. Congress got involved in this family's fight.  The case even evolved into a college level course at Michigan State University: https://www.msu.edu/course/hm/546/schiavo_case.htm

When Terri finally died, CNN covered the story: http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/03/31/schiavo/

Almost 10 years later, the Connecticut Supreme Court is being asked to consider whether a 17-year old should be able to refuse Chemotherapy that has an 80% chance of saving her life. The oversimplification of questions in court is required by the media to tell a compelling story, but most people realize family healthcare decisions, and issues involving death, cancer, chemotherapy, and the Department of Children and Families are seldom as simple as the media tries to portray.

The Orlando Sentinel carried the story on Page A-3 (http://eedition.orlandosentinel.com/Olive/ODE/orlandosentinel2/

which originated with the Hartford Current and picked up by Raw Story here: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2015/01/teen-girl-and-mother-fight-state-of-connecticut-over-right-to-refuse-life-saving-chemo/

Questions of how to end your life, or how to live your life are ever present.

I work in Collaborative Law because tough decisions require well reasoned approaches and detailed answers.

Collaborate.

For your family's sake.

Peace.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I received this today via Email.   Good afternoon, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time for each of us to reflect on the devastating impact that domestic violence has on our society. You can scarcely get through a day without hearing a news report about a violent incident in the community. The national conversation often revolves around high-profile instances of abuse, illustrating that money and success are not safeguards. We at the Clerk’s Office deal with those in fear every day as they come to us seeking a judge’s order of protection against someone they believe wants to hurt them. I am proud to say that our recent partnership with Harbor House of Central Florida has already resulted in getting quick help to more than 25 people who may otherwise have had to wait up to 72 hours for their cases to be heard. If you are dealing with assault or stalking, three days is a long time – maybe too long. In April, I began deputizing more than two dozen Harbor House employees. Taking the oath of office has allowed them to continue processing domestic-violence injunction petitions during the hours that the Clerk’s Office is closed. That means no one has to wait overnight or through a holiday or weekend for a Clerk’s Office employee to take their paperwork. “Having this opportunity to swear in our employees to save lives is our primary goal, since being able to process a domestic violence injunction when the Clerk’s Office is closed is crucial for a victim in a domestic-abuse situation,’’ said Carol Wick, president & CEO of Harbor House of Central Florida. “It also enables us to uphold no-contact orders at any Harbor House location, which eliminates one more barrier to protecting survivors and holding abusers accountable.’’ Through September, more than 4,800 people had visited the Orange County Clerk’s Office this year seeking court-ordered protection. If that pace continues, the year-end number will be higher than that of 2013. The paperwork is several pages long and is available at the Clerk’s Office and its branches. It is also available online at myorangeclerk.com, which allows the petitioner to fill out the forms privately and thoroughly, away from crowds and bystanders at the courthouse. I also recently made Affidavit of Violation paperwork available online. This is the form a survivor fills out if their attacker has violated an injunction order. To reach Harbor House of Central Florida after hours, please call 1-800-500-1119. Regards,

Eduardo “Eddie” Fernández Orange County Clerk of Courts

Post Divorce Planning

What do you do After you divorce?

Stumbled on a great article for lawyers titled, "Getting on Track Financially After Being Derailed by a Divorce: Lifestyle, Personal Finance, Practice Management"

Of course the average person getting a divorce may not need quite the same planning considerations, or so they think!

Realities are remarkably similar. If a person getting a divorce plans well for the future, the impact to their life can be mitigated. Consult with an investment advisor as to financial needs post-divorce is one way to plan early for Alimony and Child Support needs, and one way to plan for the end of alimony and child support in your particular case.

No one expects child support to last beyond age 18, well Almost No One! Some parents feel child support should continue throughout college even if the child is Not living at home. High Expectations in Divorce lead to extremely difficult cases. Mediation is virtually impossible when one party has expectations that are so far out of reason the other party gives up before they even come close in negotiation.

When the parties begin too far apart, the mediator cannot be expected to bridge the gap in a minimal court required mediation. (This is one reason I always recommend Collaborative Law to my clients.)
If one former spouse wants to continue a life of relative ease while the other is forced to work well past retirement, one side may say, "why negotiate? Let the court decide."

Once you give up control to a third party, whether it be the Judge, or your attorney, or your former spouse, regaining control of your situation may appear impossible. Always remember, Nothing is Impossible; some things are  just more difficult than others. Where parties have been married for a long time, patterns of conduct may have grown that are hard to break free; a good attorney can guide you into positive decisions. Rather than reacting to your spouse, you can direct the negotiation by following the guidance provided. Whether your spouse follows your lead is entirely up to them, but so long as you move toward final resolution in a planned and coordinated effort, the end result can be achieved. (Again, Collaborative Law begins and ends with the Clients making all Decisions.)

If you need assistance, do not be afraid to ask. You must make the effort. You have the power to take control of your situation. Better to work now During the Divorce, than to worry later about what might have been. Call me today: 407-645-3297 or visit my website: www.aubreylaw.com

Oh, that link for What to do After Divorce:
http://legalinkmagazine.com/2014/09/getting-on-track-financially-after-being-derailed-by-a-divorce/

A Chart of Punctuation - And Congratulations to Weird Al

A first has occurred:

'Weird Al' Yankovic has the Number 1 Album in America this week according to the Billboard 200. Selling more than 104,000 copies, Mandatory Fun is his best selling album ever and the first album to appear at Number 1 on the list.

Since 1983, Weird Al has released more than 15 albums, having success into his fourth decade of work is impressive, more impressive, this is the first time a comedy album has made the top spot in more than 50 years. Weird Al has written more than 100 songs that did not even make it to his albums.

A talented performer, Weird Al established the parody genre popular all over the internet.
He even had a television Saturday Morning show on CBS, The Weird Al Show, for one season in 1997. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Weird_Al_Show

Possibly my favorite song on Mandatory Fun is Word Crimes, a parody of Blurred Lines. You can listen to his new song Word Crimes on the album here: http://www.weirdal.com/ 

Word Crimes appears to have been written for all the grammar police on the internet and to teach some less articulate people why what they are saying is Literally wrong.
For a helpful list of punctuation marks and when they should be used look here:
http://editorial.designtaxi.com/news-punct1606/big.jpg

When you have something to say, proper grammar and punctuation can be the difference between properly conveying an important argument and initiating a resounding thud from your listeners.

Attorneys make arguments to courts using Facts and Law. While facts are individual to a case, Law derives from Code, such as statutes and written rules, and Case law, those decisions handed down by previous courts in similar situations. When a court is faced with similar Fact situations under the same rules, the results are expected to be similar. If the statute applies, it should be enforced, absent some exception found in another statute or case law.

Attorneys should be wordsmiths. Choosing the exact word or phrase to convey their client's business. If the parties were married, it may be a divorce but not a paternity action. If the attorney practices Collaborative Law, she may be cooperative in helping heal the family going through divorce. http://www.cfl-cfl.com/Legal-Directory.html

When an apology is appropriate, an answer may not appear satisfactory.

Sometimes, the wrong word hurts.
 

A Non-Stressful Way for Florida Couples to Divorce

Going through a divorce in Orlando, Florida, can be a difficult stage of a person's life. Floridians considering divorce should realize that divorce could sometimes be the largest legal, emotional and financial issue they'll ever experience. Ending a marriage severs the legal marital relationship, divides marital assets and sets parenting duties for children.

However, ending a marriage in Florida could be made less difficult if a couple engages in one of several forms of alternative dispute resolution, which may help spouses divorce without the traditional stress and challenge of litigation. Many people are currently choosing a collaborative divorce process because of its different advantages. Divorce and collaborative law is a novel approach that removes the "fight and win" mindset from a divorce process. Collaborative law allows both parties to use negotiation and mediation to settle legal divorce issues.

Collaborative divorce is a popular option for couples because it prevents parties from saying or doing things just to win. Unlike litigation, the collaborative divorce process helps spouses end a marriage amicably, which can also benefit parents who want to settle child-related issues without affecting the child. Because collaborative divorce encourages parents to act as a parenting team when raising their child, divorcing with the collaborative law process can have less emotional impact on a child.
Different professionals in collaborative law may guide divorcing couples through the emotional, financial and legal aspects of divorce. These professionals will remain neutral but will provide the parties with a forum and suggestions to come to a mutual decision.

Compared to a traditional Orlando divorce where the Florida court will decide the divorce settlement, the decision making in collaborative law is done by the spouses and the final outcome solely depends on mutual agreement. More importantly, collaborative divorce may work for both parties who are willing to actively participate in the negotiation.
Source: KERA News, "Three Reasons People Choose Collaborative Divorce," Stephen Becker, March 20, 2014
 

Is Divorce an All or Nothing Proposal?

In Divorce, an all or nothing mentality may actually harm your chance of a normal life after. Why should it be so? Laws in Florida imply, if not outright require, a roughly 50/50 equitable distribution and recent changes to longstanding presumptions make a 50/50 timesharing proposal the seeming norm.
While an All or Nothing mentality may be bad for divorce, it seems an the All or Nothing thought on  Marriage is actually necessary. Sunday's New York Times, www.nytimes.com included an article: The All or Nothing Marriage.  http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/15/opinion/sunday/the-all-or-nothing-marriage.html?_r=0  "the answer to whether today’s marriages are better or worse is “both”
The author, Eli J. Finkel, explains how women's rights have actually strengthened marriages, as well as weakening them. He explores reasons why some marriages succeed despite great obstacles while others fail with little or no friction.

Anecdotally, I have seen both as well. In my dual practice of Elder Law and Family Law. I have worked on the estate planning of "happily married 60 years" octogenarians and I have worked on divorces for people married less than 8 months. The Times article deftly addresses radical differences that impact both.

While a marriage may be All or Nothing, does the feared divorce have to be? I would say No. Many people are traumatized by divorce; however, many more are happier after leaving a bad marriage. In court just yesterday, a father shook his head in disagreement as Judge Roger McDonald said some people are happier after divorce. I know his ex-wife is happier. I also know he longs for the opportunity to correct the many mistakes of 12 years ago that resulted in a divorce. The children are caught in the middle and as the same judge says in his self-published book, "It's Not the Divorce that Hurts, It's the Fighting."

We no longer live in the world of The Waltons, as the death of my favorite father figure actor Ralph Waite testifies. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/15/arts/television/ralph-waite-patriarch-in-tv-series-the-waltons-dies-at-85.html

Social mores are no longer attuned to a clearly religious concept of right and wrong. Today, children must be heard rather than silenced. Women can and do "have it all" as shown by the possible next Governor of Texas, Wendy Davis.  http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/16/magazine/wendy-davis.html

But, what if you don't want to just divide down the middle? What if you worked harder, contributed more, sacrificed more, brought in more, than your partner? How do we count the division of marital labor in a divorce? As time goes by, many rights that were clear a few years ago have changed. Even with regard to a swimming pool and shared use. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/18/nyregion/complex-with-a-rare-indoor-amenity-is-divided-over-who-gets-to-swim-in-it.html

As the courts try to wrangle with rights of the parties, many choose to go their own way. Rather than have the court address all manner of evidence from social media, Facebook, Twitter and the like,
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/16/sunday-review/social-media-a-trove-of-clues-and-confessions.html
some people choose a "Nothing" Divorce. As in, Nothing for the Court to Decide. Nothing worth destroying the family over. Nothing is better than destroying the relations between children and parents.

Collaborative Divorce allows the parties to work through the same questions of divorce, but with the help of a communications specialist, two attorneys and an independent financial guru to ensure that each party's needs and goals are met so far as is possible. The Parties Make All Decisions. Nothing is left to the Judge to decide. Routinely Collaborative Law Attorneys are surprised at how warring factions can come together across a table to agree on goals that protect their children, as well as maximize their future. Just ask one.

When you need help, call me, 407-645-3297 or visit my website, www.aubreylaw.com
And just for reading this, enjoy this little nugget: 

Collaborative Divorce

In a Collaborative Divorce, the husband and wife communicate their goals to a team of professionals who assist in keeping the mutual goals as paramount as the marriage comes to an end.

The Wife and Husband make all decisions, Not the Judge. Not the Attorneys. The Parties to the Marriage maintain control of their marriage and control of their divorce. Adults know sometimes bad things happen to good people. Adults know bad incidence do not define life. Adults know that hard choices require full disclosure of risks and benefits.

Collaborative Attorneys know Moms and Dads make decisions in their children and families' best interests when given the opportunity and assistance.
When you are faced with Marital Problems that seem beyond your control, call me. You have the control if you will only select the right tool for the job. Litigation is the wrong tool for most families.

My number is 407-645-3297. Or visit my website www.aubreylaw.com

I look forward to assisting your family in keeping priorities in perspective and making the right decisions.

A Divorce Lawyer's Advice on Marriage

How long have you been married? 25 years. I used to answer that question, "13 years, but it feels like forever." I was not meaning an insult, simply stating that I felt like I had always been with my wife. Strange then that I ended up ending marriages for profit. I don't actually end the marriage, I just do the paperwork, and get the court's approval.

The New York Times (www.nytimes.com) had two articles leading up to Valentines' Month that really hit on the issues of marriage, especially Long Term Marriage.

The first, Does Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex, compares the division of chores and the division of income to find a prosperous balance of work while maintaining sexual stereotypes of work division. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/magazine/does-a-more-equal-marriage-mean-less-sex.html
Both funny and illustrative, the article comes up with the following proper division for pure marital bliss:   The risk of divorce is lowest when the husband does 40 percent of the housework and the wife earns 40 percent of the income.
Wish I had known that before I got engaged! My wife was an attorney when we met, and I was a Sailor. Not the romantic type on a yacht or sailing ship, the enlisted type, E-3. The difference in our incomes was quite staggering. Thankfully, after putting me through college and law school, my wife continues to practice, and our incomes greatly changed. I don't know how to divide housework, but I like doing most of the cooking. I prefer to do the 'man jobs' as well, but she routinely takes out the trash or takes the rolling carts to the street.

Daniel Jones, editor of Modern Love writes another article, Good Enough? That's Great! listing several types of people and problems with long term marriages, some of which might lead to awards of alimony, unequal equitable distribution and many other problems during a litigated divorce. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/02/fashion/good-enough-thats-great.html
"Those Who Sneak," as Jones calls them, are the primary pool of potential clients of most attorneys. We all know someone who is just one phone call, text or picture away from a nasty divorce fight. Of course they are the 'quiet victim' in their own mind. The philanderers, cheaters, letches and creeps follow stereotypes that prove the rule. When I hear women say, "all men are dogs" or "he just can't keep it in his pants" I am seldom sympathetic.
Then there are the people Jones refers to as the Quashers.
Quashers suppress their feelings of slights in order to keep their little world safe. Don't upset him. Don't make her angry. Just get over the feelings of anger, hurt, humiliation and fear. It won't happen again, until it does, and once again, they will quash their own feelings, desires, emotions to keep the family safe.

Finally there are the Restorers. Jones writes, "When a restorer couple’s marriage starts to feel subpar, they sit down and have a sensible discussion about where their marriage is and where they would like it to be. Then they set goals and seek the means to achieve those goals. Typically affluent, educated and highly motivated, restorer couples almost single-handedly support the vast and profitable marriage-improvement industry." These are the people who choose Collaborative Marriage and Collaborative Divorce when necessary.

In a Collaborative Divorce, the husband and wife communicate their goals to a team of professionals who assist in keeping the mutual goals as paramount as the marriage comes to an end. The Wife and Husband make all decisions, Not the Judge. Not the Attorneys. The Parties to the Marriage maintain control of their marriage and control of their divorce. Adults know sometimes bad things happen to good people. Adults know bad incidence do not define life. Adults know that hard choices require full disclosure of risks and benefits. Collaborative Attorneys know Moms and Dads make decisions in their children and families' best interests when given the opportunity and assistance.

Call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
I look forward to helping your family in its time of crisis.

On Marriage and Divorce, Collaborative Style

We can't all have a marriage like Jay Z and Beyoncé. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/04/arts/music/beyonce-and-jay-zs-sultry-dance-makes-a-case-for-marriage.html  But can we all have the benefits? Married partners who truly express their love, can be affirming for others. Couples who share their "dirty laundry" can make the rest of us uncomfortable. Are you happy in your marriage? There are certainly benefits, but some may be overstated.

Recently an article in the New York Times caught my eye: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/magazine/can-marriage-cure-poverty.html?hpw&rref=magazine
Titled, Can Marriage Cure Poverty, the article explores the idea that married couples are somehow boosted from the poorhouse through collective gain. While it is an easy assumption that two parties can live more efficiently than one, I think this article places too much emphasis on raw statistical analysis and too little on evidence of life realities in the 21st century.
Actually the opinion piece is critical of Florida Senator Marco Rubio for his statements on the subject. At a speech by Rubio last month he stated: In 1964, “93 percent of children born in the United States were born to married parents. By 2010 that number had plummeted to 60 percent.”
Rubio was really criticizing President Johnson and the War on Poverty, Johnson’s governmental campaign to boost the opportunity and incomes of the poor, begun in 1964. So on the 50th anniversary of the War on Poverty,  Rubio calls marriage “the greatest tool to lift children and families from poverty.” How nice. If only the other 7% of children had had married parents, there would have been no poverty to declare war upon.
Very Naïve Senator.

Another article details the other end of the spectrum: Divorce among the 1%.  http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/02/business/breakup-at-740-park-avenue.html?_r=0
As Julie Creswell writes, "This is a story of marriage and money in the 16-room, five-and-a-half-bath duplex world of luxury Manhattan real estate." What might be referred to as a High Asset Divorce.
The story goes on to detail the catastrophe of the Great Recession as it inspires the rich to seek divorce. Unfortunately, as unhappy marriages sometimes go, there was an allegation of a drunken assault, resulting police intervention. From there the story is all too familiar. Any equitable distribution must consider allegations of a post-nuptial agreement, claims of ownership of jewelry, insurance proceeds taken by fraud, ashtrays valuations, and all manner of argument. Collaborative Law might have helped out this situation. I wonder if Senator Rubio warned them of the poverty headed their way? Perhaps he should have because bankruptcy filings are mentioned throughout the story.

Parents must make real choices for their children. Preservation of assets may seem as though one party simply wants all the pie while leaving the cleanup to others. Actually, children of divorce have higher incidence of teen pregnancy, school disciplinary problems, and criminal activity when compared to their friends of happily married parents.

In a collaborative practice, we seek to allow parents to make the decisions normally left to the judge. We allow parents to find the best result for their family even if it is not exactly like the law may imply. What is best for your family? If divorce is being discussed, Collaborative Law should be considered.

If you have questions, call me 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
          I look forward to hearing from you!

How Busy is Your Attorney?

An attorney recently asked her colleagues for advice. She said:
Case load

 

What is the maximum amount of family law cases, a family law attorney should have to properly and adequately represent the client's interest?

I presently have an 92 family law case load. The vast majority of my family law cases are highly litigious, some with extremely difficult opposing counsels. In addition I have 19 criminal files increasing my case load to 111. I feel this is too much, but my employer does not see it that way and continue to assign me anywhere from 1 to 5 new files a day.

I only have 1 paralegal who does her best to keep up, but is drowning. Her duties include, scheduling, communication with the clients, gather and prepare discovery requests/demands, filing, scanning, prepare miscellaneous motions and send out client invoices. We work well as a team but it is increasingly hard to keep up. I wish to provide my employers with suggestions on how to improve so that the we do not feel so overworked. I have to address them like I am addressing a case, with strong arguments and facts on hand. Thus why I reached out to my colleagues here. Any suggestions are appreciated.

Sincerely,
Overworked Attorney

 

I don't know how many cases I am currently handling, but I know I am not working as hard as this attorney. I suspect I also have a much better quality of life than this attorney. I too have one paralegal, but I also have a receptionist and a file clerk who do a Lot of work for us.

 

Really, how you handle a case is more important than the number of cases you handle. I try to let clients know up front how their case will proceed and what actions will be taken. When clients begin calling with problems, I set a time to meet personally to address their concerns. Many problems are avoided by ensuring expectations are reasonable before taking a case.

 

Most importantly, I take on cases that have reasonable expectations. If a client comes in seeking my assistance to do something patently abusive or unfair to their spouse, I decline the representation.

Actually, I decline quite a few clients. I want to provide good quality service at a reasonable fee. I cannot meet that goal by taking every case that calls or promising unreasonable results.

Adultery, Blasphemy, Christians and Divorce

A, B, C, D, E, F, G . . . elemenope . . . If only Life were as simple!

A client came to my office recently and told me that her "Christian" mother had called her an Adulterer and kicked her out of the house. We filed her divorce several weeks ago and she was living with her mother following domestic violence in her marital home. Unfortunately, her mother feels she should simply endure the violence because "what God hath brought together, let no man put asunder," to quote the traditional wedding vows blessing.

Blasphemy is defined as either an untruth or taking god's name in vane. I consider using "Christian" language in decidedly unchristian manner as a form of Blasphemy. Obviously her mother was referring to Matthew 5:31, 32 (It was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.)When someone says, "I want a Christian Attorney." I usually reply, "No you do not." or "I don't think you do." If you wanted a Christian Attorney, you would settle with your adversary far from the courthouse as Jesus himself instructed in other verses in Matthew. "If anyone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two." You can do your own research at https://www.bible.com/bible/100/mat.5.nasb

Christians sometimes tend to view Jesus' words as being important. They are, but must be placed in context of the Roman Empire and the Province of Judea where Jesus lived and taught. Roman law allowed a man to put away his wife by divorce for any reason. Women had no such right to seek a divorce as they were mere chattel to be bought or sold by their fathers. Men could divorce their wives, but women could not, even for domestic violence, adultery, neglect, abandonment, etc. Since Women were tied to their father, husband, or son, they were destitute without such patriarchal support.

Divorce has been around for more than 3,000 years, but a Woman's Right to sue for divorce is quite new. Today in Florida, the only reason needed for a marriage is "the Marriage is Irretrievably Broken." When a spouse physically abuses and violates his or her "true love" how can the marriage survive?

Every now and then I see a story in the news that makes me want to help. Some friends have put together a seminar on Domestic Violence. Associated Baptist Press reporter Bob Allen writes: American Baptist Women’s Ministries will lead an online “virtual mission encounter” on the topic of domestic violence Sept. 23-27.
“Garlands instead of Ashes: Domestic Violence” is the third of four learning opportunities in 2013 allowing women to meet online and share their passion for mission without the expense of travel and having to take time off work. http://www.abpnews.com/culture/social-issues/item/8786-domestic-violence-focus-of-virtual-tour#.UhYEYTbD-M8
No person should be forced to live with an abuser, and especially not for "Christian reasons."
 
If Domestic Violence is a part of your life and you want it to stop, call me at 407-645-3297. I may be able to help, even if I don't like the phrase "Christian Attorney." You can also visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com for more information and links regarding Divorce, Child Support, Alimony, Equitable Distribution, and many other topics. I am an Attorney, licensed in Florida, practicing in the areas of Collaborative Divorce, Elder Law, Family Law, and Guardianships. I have helped numerous husbands and wives seek a fresh start.

Legal Realities of Complex Litigated Divorce Proceedings

When people want a divorce there are several questions they must consider, the How's, When's Where's, Who's, Why's and What's.

How to tell the spouse? How to tell the children? How to tell the rest of the family? How to go about filing a divorce?

When should I tell my Spouse, children, family, and friends? When should I move out or insist my spouse move out? When should I find a job? When should I consult an attorney?

Where should I live? Where should my children live? Where should we file the divorce?

Who should get an attorney? Who should represent me? Who should know what?

Why do I want a divorce? Why should I stay? Why should I care about all these questions??????

Finally, the What's!
What is the law applied to my case? What do I do if . . .? What will my spouse do? What will everyone think? What will happen to all our savings? What will happen to the china cabinet mom gave me and all its contents we have accumulated? What do I do with my wedding ring?
 
You want Answers? The Court wants answers. The Courts want answers to Alimony and Child Support. Who will pay and How Much? The Courts want to know who is going to pay attorney's fees. Courts will decide who gets the High Assets or valuable Personal Property. The Court can decide what to do with the Marital Home. There is an easier way!

That is a long list of questions with very few easy answers! Some of the questions I would ask are:
How much time do you want to devote to court proceedings?
When do you want all this to be completed?
Where do you want to end up after all is finalized by the court?
Who will win/lose or decide?
Why does anyone have to let the Judge Decide?
What do you want to happen with your children? Of course my questions are directly related to a Collaborative Divorce, in which the Husband and Wife make all the decisions about the Property, Assets, Timing, and living situations, and the Mother and Father make all the decisions about the children. Some people think this is a Radical idea. Others believe that two people who could not get along well enough to remain married Cannot Possibly Get Along well enough to decide what is best for their family. I Disagree. From years of practice, we in the Collaborative Practice community have witnessed the most intractable situations turn out with everyone in agreement to a reasonable outcome.

Attorneys who are not committed to the collaborative practice and merely offer it alongside their mainly Litigation Practice, do no favors to their clients. Litigated cases are almost always significantly more expensive than Collaborative Cases. Further, Collaborative cases allow you to decide the timeframes for completion. You are not forced to work at the court's convenience, rather, your time schedule is of paramount importance.

Finally, you get to make the decisions affecting your family. By negotiated agreement you and your spouse will decide all issues. That is a radical idea. Call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com or visit the Collaborative Family Law of Central Florida website at www.cfl-cfl..org

Investigate the questions. Get answers to your questions. You have the Power! 

"Family Circus" Best - Not in Court

One of my favorite cartoons is Family Circus. One of my favorite cartoons included the following exchange between the characters 3 year old and 6 year old siblings:

Why are you crying?

Mom and Dad are yelling at each other.

But at least they are not yelling at you!

I know, but if they were yelling at me, at least I'd understand it!

Family conflict is difficult for children to understand. When parents fail to communicate, or communicate in abusive ways, children suffer the most, primarily because they do not understand. They try to understand Love through their parents' teaching, but when parents resort to yelling, children become stressed because they do not understand!
Mommy and Daddy love each other.
Mommy and Daddy love me.
Mommy and Daddy are yelling at each other.
Mommy and Daddy will yell at me.
So goes childhood logic. Children resort to acting out. Parents resort to discipline. The Spiral of Conflict has begun. Where will it end?

Collaborative Divorce seeks to place two parents on equal terms for communication with a trained guide to assist in adult, two-way communication. Many parents say they communicate better after a Collaborative Divorce than they Ever Did in the marriage.

What a shame we cannot get the communications right before the Marriage is endangered.

When you have questions regarding a Collaborative Divorce, Call me!
I will teach you effective ways to communicate.

How to Contact an Attorney

Today I received an Email:
How would you like to be contacted?
Email

Brief description of your legal issue:
Price range for divorce. Older couple, married 9 years, No children, Income husb works in construction wife receiving SS only. Homeowner, property value is upside down. owe more that is worth. No 401K or savings, living pay check to paycheck. How much will it cost to get a divorce and how long will it take for the divorce to become final. Thanks,

This email was initiated at the Findlaw FirmSite http://www.aubreylaw.com/Contact.shtml.

This is the letter I sent in response:

Dear Ms. _____________,

If you and your husband agree to divorce, and agree to divide all assets, your divorce could be very inexpensive. With agreements, you could be divorce in as little as 21 days. On the other hand, if you cannot agree, and the two of you fight it out in court, your divorce could take a very long time and take significantly more of your resources to complete.

I charge $1,500 for an Uncontested Divorce. A Contested matter begins at $3,000. Fees for filing are also required, $408 filing fee and approximately $42 in service of process charges.

Your divorce sounds as if it should be uncontested; it could also be completed in a Collaborative PRocess, where the two of you meet with advisers and work out the details, then file as "Uncontested."  If you choose a collaborative process, I would represent you for $1,500, but there may be some additional charges for excess time spent in meetings.

Please call my office to schedule an appointment.

If you have questions, call me at 407-645-3297, or send an email to: aubrey@aubreylaw.com

 

Aubrey Ducker

 

The Law Offices of

Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr. PLC

2020 Mizell Avenue

Winter Park, FL  32792

www.aubreylaw.com

Fla. Bar No.: 173680

Phone: 407-645-3297

Fax: 407-645-3298

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Why Collaborative Divorce?

There are MANY reasons to choose a Collaborative Divorce, Costs, Timeliness, Process, Control, CHILDREN.

The Costs associated with asking a Judge to decide major issues in a divorce case can range from hundreds to tens of thousands of dollars. Most attorneys know what the judge is likely to decide given the limited facts the judge will ultimately hear. So why should you give aways your children's college fund in order to risk the judge seeing things your former spouse's way? You should not.

Timliness is how long it will take to have the Judge make a decision. Just getting on the calendar for a hearing may take several weeks to several months. At hearing, if your attorney runs short of time, either because he did not prepare or because the other side managed to distract and stall the presentation of evidence for your case, you may have to wait several more weeks or months to finally have the Judge hear all the evidence allowing a ruling. That ruling may be subject to appeal, or the Judge may take some time to reduce an oral ruling to writing, delaying a few more weeks, or in the case of appeal, several more months.

In a Collaborative Case, time is determined by your attorney's scheduling with the other team members who are all working to Resolve the situation, not to delay decisions! This Collaborative Process puts YOU in Control of the Decisions. Having a Communications Coach, and your legal advisor, helping You Make the Decisions saves time, and ultimately results in a Much less Stressful process for your family. Ultimately, Collaborative Divorce results in Less Drama for children as Parents can learn to work together even though they are no longer married and living together. The reduction in stress in the household, along with new communications styles and mediums may have a lasting effect on your family, and especially your Children. Call me 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Still not convinced, according to Lauren Hansen, there are at least 9 more to consider when Children are involved:

9 negative effects divorce reportedly has on children

The Week – Thu, Mar 28, 2013

http://news.yahoo.com/9-negative-effects-divorce-reportedly-children-220900169.html

Just in case you missed it - Divorce brings on a world of issues for children.

We like to think children are resilient and can adapt easily, but in reality, childhood trauma manifests itself for YEARS to come in their lives.
Make the Decisions Now so in the future, your children will Thank you.

Brain Gym - Excercise Your Mind

My mother works the Sudoku puzzel every day. Many people work on crossword puzzels, or brain teasers daily. These activities help keep the mind working and can (according to research) stall or prevent alzheimers, dementia and other brain lag that typically occurs with aging.

http://www.kenneymyers.com/blog/24-blogs-with-things-you-can-do-to-keep-your-brain-sharp-as-you-age/

Somebody asked that I put this link in my blog, and I trust you will enjoy the link.

Call me when you have legal questions at 407-645-3297, especially those questions related to Collaborative Divorce, Elder Law, Family Law, Guardianships and HAMP tier I and Tier II Mortgage Modifications.

Or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Collaborative Divorce Saves Money, Time and Stress

Almost every month the Collaborative Family Law Group of Central Florida http://www.cfl-cfl.com/ meets to discuss ways we can help our clients save money, save time and save stress when pursuing a divorce. Sometimes we meet together at the Mount Vernon Inn on 17-92.
http://bestwesternflorida.com/hotels/best-western-mount-vernon-inn/ 
Other times we meet in one of four practice groups at various offices in the area. Each time we meet, we learn new ways to discuss, facilitate, encourage, coach or counsel our clients.
The International Association of Collaborative Professionals http://collaborativepractice.com/ is an international community of legal, mental health and financial professionals working in concert to create client-centered processes for resolving conflict. Supporting Collaborative Practice as a conflict resolution option, its Mission is:

• establishing and upholding the essential elements, ethical and practice standards of Collaborative Practice;
• fostering professional excellence by educating and providing resources to Collaborative practitioners;
• leading and integrating the Collaborative community; and
• promoting the growth of Collaborative Practice.

Why would you want a Collaborative Professional? Because it saves you Time, Money, Resources, and most of all STRESS! In a Collaborative Divorce, YOU make the Decisions in concert with your spouse and several professionals selected to assist.

You get to select a single Financial Professional to assess your family's finances to maximize child support and alimony so that limited resources are stretched for the family's benefit.

You get to select a Mental Health Professional who coaches you in communication. Many graduates of a Collaborative Divorce find they are much better able to communicate than ever during their marriage.

You get to decide how and when you get divorced; there is no waiting on a response from the other side, the court, a deposition, etc.

You are not alone in these decisions! You have help from several professionals who work daily in these situations. Our collective experience and expertise HELP you Make Decisions!

Call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com and ask how we can help you seek a Collaborative Divorce. Aubrey

Whose Interests Do You Represent?

As an Attorney, I am required to advance the interests of my client. Sometimes that doesn't appear clear from one perspective or another. Many, MANY times, the opposing party to litigation will try to convince my client that I am in fact NOT advancing their interests, but either I am working against them, or not working at all - claims of Dilly, Dally and Delay P.A.

What are my client's Interests? Perhaps a better description would be, my client hopes, dreams, and desires for their family. What my client wants, as the outcome of litigation is the primary "Interest" I must support. So long as my client is not seeking litigation just to harass the other side, or just to delay the inevitable resolution, I must follow the Client's direction.

A great note on Interests can be found here: http://be-fulfilled.org/post/2012/11/17/Helping-Clients-Understand-Interests.aspx

When you want the advice of an attorney, call me.

Don't be afraid to call; I assure you that many others have been in the same position and needed help. Bo Prosser likes to say the two most basic prayers are Please Help, and Thank you. I like that! Feel free to visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com and send me a message. You will be glad you did! Aubrey