Relocation with your Child

When a client called today to discuss relocation, I thought I should ad a Relocation note to this blog.

 

 As you review, please realize there is no consideration for high assets or significant income inequality in consideration under these rules.

 

Relocation is covered by Florida Statute 61.13001. In the absence of an agreement between the parties, a court must answer the following questions in order to determine Relocation is in the Best Interests of the Child. (Best Interests of the Child is the standard, NOT best interests of the Adult)

the court shall evaluate all of the following:

(a) The nature, quality, extent of involvement, and duration of the child’s relationship with the parent or other person proposing to relocate with the child and with the nonrelocating parent, other persons, siblings, half-siblings, and other significant persons in the child’s life.

 

(b) The age and developmental stage of the child, the needs of the child, and the likely impact the relocation will have on the child’s physical, educational, and emotional development, taking into consideration any special needs of the child.

 

(c) The feasibility of preserving the relationship between the nonrelocating parent or other person and the child through substitute arrangements that take into consideration the logistics of contact, access, and time-sharing, as well as the financial circumstances of the parties; whether those factors are sufficient to foster a continuing meaningful relationship between the child and the nonrelocating parent or other person; and the likelihood of compliance with the substitute arrangements by the relocating parent or other person once he or she is out of the jurisdiction of the court.

 

(d) The child’s preference, taking into consideration the age and maturity of the child.

 

(e) Whether the relocation will enhance the general quality of life for both the parent or other person seeking the relocation and the child, including, but not limited to, financial or emotional benefits or educational opportunities.

 

(f) The reasons each parent or other person is seeking or opposing the relocation.

 

(g) The current employment and economic circumstances of each parent or other person and whether the proposed relocation is necessary to improve the economic circumstances of the parent or other person seeking relocation of the child.

 

(h) That the relocation is sought in good faith and the extent to which the objecting parent has fulfilled his or her financial obligations to the parent or other person seeking relocation, including child support, spousal support, and marital property and marital debt obligations.

 

(i) The career and other opportunities available to the objecting parent or other person if the relocation occurs.

 

(j) A history of substance abuse or domestic violence as defined in s. 741.28 or which meets the criteria of s. 39.806(1)(d) by either parent, including a consideration of the severity of such conduct and the failure or success of any attempts at rehabilitation.

 

(k) Any other factor affecting the best interest of the child or as set forth in s. 61.13.

 Of course, (k) introduces a completely new set of factors for the court to consider in determining the Best Interests of the Child.

Section (3) of Florida Statutes 61.13 is as follows:
For purposes of establishing or modifying parental responsibility and creating, developing, approving, or modifying a parenting plan, including a time-sharing schedule, which governs each parent’s relationship with his or her minor child and the relationship between each parent with regard to his or her minor child, the best interest of the child shall be the primary consideration. A determination of parental responsibility, a parenting plan, or a time-sharing schedule may not be modified without a showing of a substantial, material, and unanticipated change in circumstances and a determination that the modification is in the best interests of the child. Determination of the best interests of the child shall be made by evaluating all of the factors affecting the welfare and interests of the particular minor child and the circumstances of that family, including, but not limited to:

(a) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship, to honor the time-sharing schedule, and to be reasonable when changes are required.

 

(b) The anticipated division of parental responsibilities after the litigation, including the extent to which parental responsibilities will be delegated to third parties.

 

(c) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to determine, consider, and act upon the needs of the child as opposed to the needs or desires of the parent.

 

(d) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.

 

(e) The geographic viability of the parenting plan, with special attention paid to the needs of school-age children and the amount of time to be spent traveling to effectuate the parenting plan. This factor does not create a presumption for or against relocation of either parent with a child.

(f) The moral fitness of the parents.

 

(g) The mental and physical health of the parents.

 

(h) The home, school, and community record of the child.

 

(i) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.

 

(j) The demonstrated knowledge, capacity, and disposition of each parent to be informed of the circumstances of the minor child, including, but not limited to, the child’s friends, teachers, medical care providers, daily activities, and favorite things.

 

(k) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to provide a consistent routine for the child, such as discipline, and daily schedules for homework, meals, and bedtime.

 

(l) The demonstrated capacity of each parent to communicate with and keep the other parent informed of issues and activities regarding the minor child, and the willingness of each parent to adopt a unified front on all major issues when dealing with the child.

 

(m) Evidence of domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect, regardless of whether a prior or pending action relating to those issues has been brought. If the court accepts evidence of prior or pending actions regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect, the court must specifically acknowledge in writing that such evidence was considered when evaluating the best interests of the child.

 

(n) Evidence that either parent has knowingly provided false information to the court regarding any prior or pending action regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect.

 

(o) The particular parenting tasks customarily performed by each parent and the division of parental responsibilities before the institution of litigation and during the pending litigation, including the extent to which parenting responsibilities were undertaken by third parties.

 

(p) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to participate and be involved in the child’s school and extracurricular activities.

 

(q) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to maintain an environment for the child which is free from substance abuse.

 

(r) The capacity and disposition of each parent to protect the child from the ongoing litigation as demonstrated by not discussing the litigation with the child, not sharing documents or electronic media related to the litigation with the child, and refraining from disparaging comments about the other parent to the child.

 

(s) The developmental stages and needs of the child and the demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to meet the child’s developmental needs.

 

(t) Any other factor that is relevant to the determination of a specific parenting plan, including the time-sharing schedule.

 

Again, the court is allowed to consider "ANY OTHER FACTOR THAT IS RELEVANT!"

 

It is imperative to have an attorney that understands these factors and how to present evidence on each one.

 

Call today: 407-645-3297 or visit Aubreylaw.com for a consultation on your particular case!

10 Hours in Mediation?

Last Thursday, I spent 10 hours in mediation with a client. We came prepared to settle the matter, but it took until afternoon for the other side to even give us the "number" they were seeking. At the end of the day, no resolution occurred, primarily because everyone was too tired to spend the time reviewing the Marital Settlement Agreement. Sometimes parties choose the wrong attorney to represent them. Other attorneys are stuck working to educate the client when their attorney sets up unreasonable expectations.

In thinking about this, I came across the following article I wrote more than 8 years ago.

Ring That Bell

There are many ways to ring a bell. The large Wheel in the background is attached to a one-inch rope passing from the steeple of the First Baptist Church in America to the Music Director's office. Pulling the rope rotates the bell to strike the large "ball clapper." In this manner the bell rotates and the clapper is relatively stationary. The use of a one inch rope, indicates the weight of the bell and the potential momentum imparted to the person pulling on the rope.

The steeple also has a clock. The clock has a mechanism to ring the bell on the hour and 1/2 hour by use of the "hammer or "alternate clapper." The clock mechanism can't produce the force necessary to move the entire bell, thus the use of a much lighter hammer.

The hammer also attaches to a much smaller rope passing from the steeple to the interior of the church. Pulling the much smaller rope rings the bell, but the bell remains relatively stationary.

All this to say there are many ways to ring a bell.

There are also many ways to pursue your legal rememdy. Choosing an attorney who understands the differences between Litigation and Mediation, between Fighting it Out and Working it Out, can mean the difference between years of litigation and moving on with your life.

Posted by Aubreyslaw at Tuesday, August 04, 2009 No comments: Links to this post   

Talking to Your Spouse about Collaborative Divorce

When you have reached a point in your marriage where you know it is over, it is not always easy to have calm, grounded conversations with your partner.  
                                      
If you can manage to speak amicably, you can make the divorce process much easier for yourselves. One significant way you can make the divorce process easier is to choose a collaborative divorce.

If your spouse is not familiar with the concept of collaborative divorce, discuss it. Get all the information you can and have a kitchen table talk. There are many benefits for you both if you choose this type of divorce. Below are a few tips you can use to start and work through this discussion.

Present it in an Objective Way

Rather than trying to convince your spouse that a collaborative divorce is best for you, present it in an objective way. Contrast collaborative divorce with a traditional courtroom divorce and mediation, which could also be a route to explore for your divorce. Talk about the processes associated with each. Consider the costs of each. Consider where these costs will be paid.

Discuss the Benefits of Collaborative Divorce for your Divorce

Consider discussing the benefits of collaborative divorce in an objective way, like citing cost comparisons between the different divorce methods. During this discussion, bring up the reasons why you feel a collaborative divorce is ideal for you, which could be your ability to work together amicably or your desire to split your marital assets in a specific way, making it necessary that you retain control of the divorce process. Your reasons might not be more specific than that you want to save money, and there is nothing wrong with that. Your reasons for wanting to try collaboration are valid, as are any hesitations your spouse might have.

Encourage your Spouse to Do His or Her Own Research

You cannot decide how you will divorce on your own. Give your spouse the time to do his or her own research on the process and if he or she raises objections, listen to them. Your spouse might have a very different point of view about your marriage and how well you can be served by a collaborative divorce. It is important that you remember not to try to convince your spouse to agree to a collaborative divorce because it is what you want, but to work with him or her to determine the ideal divorce method for your divorce. If you cannot reach this initial agreement amicably, collaborative divorce probably is not right for you.

Work with an Experienced Winter Park Divorce Lawyer

If you are considering using collaborative law to end your marriage, work with a divorce lawyer who has experience handling collaborative divorces. Even though you are in control of the divorce when you choose collaboration, your lawyer can provide you with the essential legal advice and representation you need to successfully complete the process. To get started, contact The Law Offices of Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr., P.L.C. today to set up your flat-rate consultation with us, either in our office or at your preferred location.

http://www.investopedia.com/terms/m/maritalproperty.asp

 

 

Collaborative Divorce for Unconventional Circumstances

Every marriage is unique. Logically, this means that every divorce is unique, even though they generally involve the same issues to settle, such as how the couple’s property is divided and how the couple with handle co-parenting after the divorce. There is no one-size-fits-all divorce method, and when couples try to force their divorces to fit specific molds, they often come away feeling frustrated and unsatisfied with their divorce settlement terms.

Collaborative divorce puts couples in the drivers’ seats of their divorces, rather than leaving the rulings that they will have to live with up to the court. Collaborative divorce is an especially attractive option for couples with unconventional circumstances and needs, such as business owners and those willing to try modern co-parenting arrangements like birdnesting.

You Know What is Best for your Children. Develop the Ideal Co-Parenting Plan for Them
There are many different ways to handle co-parenting after a divorce. When the court makes a co-parenting determination, it does so with the child’s best interest in mind. You might determine that your child’s best interests are served by a birdnesting agreement or another alternative timesharing arrangement. If you and your spouse agree to an unconventional parenting plan like incorporating boarding school or time with extended family, work together to include this in your collaborative divorce settlement.

Some Couples Live Together After their Divorces
For some couples, the idea of living with a former spouse is laughable. For others, it is necessary and even attractive. If you are considering remaining in the same household after your divorce, even if you are in different units of a multi-family property, it is important to take this into consideration when developing the terms of your divorce settlement. Remaining in close quarters after your divorce can make it easy to deviate from your property division settlement, so it is important that you are clear and in total agreement about this settlement before starting live as a cohabitating divorced couple.

Splitting Up or Reorganizing your Business is Easier when you are In Control
If you and your spouse owned a business together, valuing the business so it can be equitably divided between you is an important part of the divorce process. But what if you both want to continue operating the business? In a case like this, your interests will still have to be divided and you will continue the business operation as partners.
Even if you do not want to continue operating the business together, you will need to find a fair way to divide it. Whether one of you plans to continue operating it will determine how you divide it and its assets.

Work with an Experienced Winter Park Divorce Attorney
Contact The Law Offices of Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr., PLLC today to set up your initial consultation with an experienced Winter Park divorce attorney. During your consultation, you can discuss your specific divorce goals and needs with Mr. Ducker to determine an appropriate plan for ending your marriage. Never assume that your ideal divorce is unattainable – it, or something close to it, could be very doable through collaborative divorce.
Resources:
nypost.com/2016/04/28/is-birdnesting-the-stupidest-or-smartest-divorce-trend-yet/
thebalance.com/business-valuation-methods-2948478

Working Out the Terms of your Spousal Support Agreement in a Collaborative Divorce

Spousal support, also known as alimony, is an issue that arises in many Florida divorces. It is the money one partner pays to the other after their divorce, generally for a fixed period of time but sometimes, until the receiving spouse remarries or either partner dies. This money is intended to help the spouse who opted out of the full-time workforce to care for the couple’s home and children during the marriage to avoid financial hardship.

 In a collaborative divorce, the divorcing couple works together to make their own determinations about their divorce settlement, rather than having the court make them. Alimony is often an issue discussed during collaborative divorces alongside parenting time and the division of the couple’s marital assets.

In Florida, you Can Waive your Right to Seek Spousal Support

Florida law permits individuals to waive their right to seek alimony in the event of their divorces in prenuptial agreements. This is not the case in all states.

 Just like a collaborative divorce, a prenuptial agreement requires a couple to be flexible and willing to work together to make determinations that benefit them both, even in unpleasant situations like divorce.

 Waiving Spousal Support in Exchange for a Larger Share of Marital Assets

 When you divorce through collaboration, rather than litigation, you and your spouse work together to reach a divorce agreement that best fits your needs. In any divorce, dividing your marital assets is a component of the final settlement and often, it is the largest component of the settlement. Talk about potentially opting out of alimony in exchange for a more favorable share of your marital assets with your spouse, but also with your lawyer privately – there could be issues you do not initially recognize, like large tax burdens associated with certain marital assets or the long-term impact of choosing not to create an alimony order.

Collaborative Divorce is All About Keeping Control of your Divorce

Couples who choose collaborative divorce are often more satisfied with the results of their divorces than couples who divorce through litigation.

If you took on lower-paying jobs or opted out of the workforce completely during your marriage, alimony is a way to protect your financial future. Do not confuse the need to be amicable in a collaborative divorce with a need to agree with everything your spouse suggests. If you feel alimony is in your best interest, explain this and support your position with relevant facts during your collaborative divorce meetings. Your lawyer is your advocate, but you also need to advocate for yourself.

Work with an Experienced Winter Park Divorce Lawyer

When you are considering divorce, you have a lot on your mind. Before you begin the collaborative divorce process, discuss these issues with your divorce lawyer so you begin the process educated about Florida’s divorce laws and what you can expect given your case’s unique circumstances. Contact The Law Offices of Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr., P.L.C. today to schedule your initial consultation with us.

http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0000-0099/0061/Sections/0061.079.html

 

Is Collaborative Divorce Better than Mediation?

Collaborative divorce and mediation are two forms of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) that divorcing couples can use to complete the divorce process. One is not inherently “better” than the other, but one can be a better fit for your divorce. Which type of ADR is better for your divorce depends on your relationship with your spouse and the unique details of your marriage.

 Go into the divorce process with an open mind and do your research about your options. Work with your spouse to determine which divorce method is best for you – if you choose collaborative divorce, you will need to work cooperatively with him or her. You can determine if this is possible by seeing how well you can work together to determine the right divorce method for yourselves.

 How Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are Different

 Mediation and collaborative divorce both take place outside the courtroom. With both types of ADR, the divorcing couple maintains a high amount of control over their divorce.

 There are differences between the two, though. The primary difference between collaborative divorce and mediation is the absence of a mediator in a collaborative divorce. A mediator is a neutral third party who guides the divorcing couple toward their settlement, whereas with a collaborative divorce, the couple handles this process with their lawyers.

It Could be Better for your Divorce

 Whether collaborative divorce is better for your divorce than mediation depends largely on your ability to work cooperatively with your spouse. Although both divorce methods are less adversarial than a courtroom divorce, having a mediator present can lessen any lingering tension between a couple whereas in a collaborative divorce session, tension can leak into the couple’s interactions.

Whether collaborative divorce or mediation is better does not just depend on your personalities. Your level of knowledge about the divorce process can also determine whether you are better suited for one or the other. A mediator can explain each part of your settlement and how agreements are reached. He or she is a guide to divorce, whereas with a collaborative divorce, you and your spouse guide yourselves. Of course, you have a divorce lawyer no matter which type of divorce you choose, and your lawyer can answer any questions you have and provide you with the advice you need. But a mediator is an additional layer of professional advice and guidance, guidance that is meant to empower you and your spouse to make productive, fair choices about your divorce settlement.

 Work with an Experienced Winter Park Divorce Lawyer

 If you are considering a collaborative divorce, work with a divorce lawyer in Winter Park who has specific experience facilitating this type of divorce. Contact The Law Offices of Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr., PLLC today to set up your initial consultation with Mr. Ducker. During your consultation, you can discuss your specific divorce concerns with him and have all your questions answered so you can move forward with your divorce as an informed participant.

 https://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/alternative_dispute_resolution

I Am a Grandparent. What are my Rights to my Grandchildren?

As a grandparent, you probably cherish the relationships you have with your grandchildren. When an issue like your child’s divorce, death, or court involvement with your grandchildren’s lives threatens to sever this bond, it is important that you understand your rights as a grandparent and how to legally exercise them. Many people do not realize that grandparents do have rights to their grandchildren, such as the right to visitation with them and the right to adopt them in the event their parents’ rights are terminated. These rights also apply to great-grandparents.

 

Your Visitation Rights Depend on your Grandchildren’s Circumstances

 

Currently, a grandparent can petition for visitation with his or her grandchild if the following circumstances apply:

●       Both of the child’s parents are missing, deceased, or in a vegetative state; or    

●       One of the child’s parents is missing, deceased, or in a vegetative state and the child’s other parent has been convicted of a felony or a violent offense that poses a threat to the child’s safety or well being.             

 

If neither of the above circumstances apply, you cannot petition for visitation rights with your grandchild. If one of the above circumstances applies, you do not automatically have visitation or custody of your grandchild. You must first attend a hearing to determine whether the child’s parent or parents are unfit. If this is determined, a second hearing is scheduled to determine whether visitation is in the child’s best interest. Numerous factors are considered when making this determination, including whether visitation between the child and his or her grandparent would harm the child’s relationship with his or her parents.

 

Advocating for yourself and your Rights

 

Your lawyer can help you initially determine if you have grounds to petition for visitation rights with your grandchild and if you do choose to file one, he or she can help you demonstrate to the court why such an arrangement is in your grandchild’s best interest. Your strategy may involve showing the court how a disruption to your current relationship with your grandchild would cause him or her to suffer emotional or physical harm, that you are in good health and that you are physically capable of caring for a child, the relationship you currently have with your grandchild and its support by your grandchild’s parent, and/or whether you had an established relationship with your grandchild prior to filing a petition for visitation rights to him or her.

 

Work with an Experienced Winter Park Grandparents’ Rights Lawyer

 

As a grandparent in Florida, you have certain rights to your grandchildren. If you feel you are being unfairly shut out of your grandchildren’s lives, consider taking legal action to assert your rights to visitation with them. Contact The Law Offices of Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr., P.L.C. today to set up your initial consultation with an experienced Florida grandparents’ rights lawyer. During your consultation, we will examine the unique circumstances you are facing and help you determine the right legal strategy for asserting your rights.

 

http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&Search_String=&URL=0000-0099/0039/Sections/0039.509.html

 

 

 

Advice from a Divorce Lawyer - How to make a Marriage Last!

Use Bonding Behaviors.
· smiling, with eye contact
· skin-to-skin contact
· providing a service or treat without being asked
· giving unsolicited approval, via smiles or compliments
· gazing into each other's eyes
· listening intently, and restating what you hear
· forgiving or overlooking an error or thoughtless remark, past or present
· preparing your partner something to eat
· synchronized breathing
· kissing with lips and tongues
· cradling, or gently rocking, your partner's head and torso (works well on a couch, or with lots of pillows)
· holding, or spooning, each other in stillness
· wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure
· stroking with intent to comfort
· massaging with intent to comfort, especially feet, shoulders and head
· hugging with intent to comfort
· lying with your ear over your partner's heart and listening to the heart beat
· touching and sucking of nipples/breasts
· gently placing your palm over your lover's genitals with intent to comfort rather than arouse
· making time together at bedtime a priority
· gentle intercourse

There are some curious aspects to bonding behaviors.

First, in order to sustain the sparkle in a relationship these behaviors need to occur daily, or almost daily.

Second, they need not occur for long, or be particularly effortful, but they must be genuinely selfless.

Third, there's evidence that the more you use bonding behaviors, the more sensitive your brain becomes to the neurochemicals that help you feel relaxed and loving. (In contrast, intense stimulation sometimes causes tolerance to build up.)

Fourth, some items on the list above may sound like foreplay, but in one important sense they are not. Foreplay is geared toward building sexual tension and climax—which sets off a subtle cycle of neurochemical changes (and sometimes unwelcome perception shifts) before the brain returns to equilibrium.

In contrast, bonding behaviors are geared toward relaxation. They work best when they soothe an old part of the primitive brain known as the amygdala.

Remarkably, these suggestions come from a website related to Porn Addiction. http://yourbrainonporn.com/the-lazy-way-to-stay-in-love

Proof Your Marriage: Ashley Madison was a Symptom

Each morning when we can, my wife and I watch the Today Show www.today.com , together. We usually record it and shrink the viewing time to about 25 minutes by skipping all the commercials and teasers. Today had already planned a series this week on Marriage, and by a look at the news recently, their timing could not have been better.

After last weeks Ashley Madison Hacker scandal we keep seeing famous and not so famous people being caught up in the carnage. From politicians and Duggars( http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/20/us/josh-duggar-ashley-madison/ ) to political cartoons (   ), the fallout continues. This morning brought the first report of two apparent suicides related to revelations of the hackers. http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/2015/08/24/world/americas/24reuters-ashleymadison-cybersecurity-suicides.html

Now a former employee of Ashley Madison claims the website actually made up many of the women listed as interested in affairs. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3206846/Hacked-adultery-website-Ashley-Madison-created-hundreds-fake-female-profiles-lure-male-customers-claims-former-employee.html while The Week profiles a british writer who claims there are just as many women who want to have affairs as men. http://theweek.com/articles/573446/why-are-denying-that-women-used-ashley-madison

Locally, our own State Attorney Jeff Ashton had to schedule a news conference  this past Sunday to say he had done no wrong and the only person he had to explain himself to was the mother of his children.

Finally, in case you are wondering about Central Florida, the following link contains 4,589 individual entries, including names, addresses and web addresses from the Orlando area. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10VMj6xx85aPyY4MocEEnpYwkbCAsG483JK8aQ3pMQoo/htmlview?pli=1
Thanks to "Life has a Restart Button" Walter Benenati, http://www.407bankrupt.com/

But enough about Affairs!

This week Today is featuring ideas and answers to help strengthen your marriage. This morning's segment begins with the "Summer of Celebrity Breakups" and asks if these high-profile breakups mean all marriages are in trouble? Not really says the expert. Northwestern University's professor Eli Finkel.
http://www.today.com/health/3-tips-make-your-marriage-stronger-happier-ever-t40261

Marriages are stronger than ever in some cases. Here are a few examples:

How about a 100 year old couple who have been married 75 years! Congratulations: http://www.today.com/news/100-year-old-couple-celebrates-love-75-years-after-saying-t40396

Celine Dion proves her love by vowing she will take care of her cancer stricken husband until he dies in her arms here: http://www.today.com/health/celine-dion-opens-about-husbands-illness-hell-die-my-arms-t40551

And a couple in Toronto held the grooms funeral on the date they originally intended for the wedding when he lost his long battle with cancer.  http://www.today.com/health/after-dream-ceremony-mans-funeral-held-what-should-have-been-t40356

And people are still getting married (though I hope they are consulting attorneys for prenuptial agreements because sometimes these are needed and many times they create a dialogue that needs to occur.)

Sofia Vergara is getting married and made the cover of several magazines. http://www.today.com/style/see-sofia-vergara-try-gorgeous-wedding-dresses-t40371

Alison Brie and Dave Franco got engaged. http://www.today.com/popculture/alison-brie-dave-franco-get-engaged-mad-men-star-shows-t40591

For so many, Marriage is a lifelong goal. For others, marriage is not so serious. Where do you fit in? If your marriage is in need of help, watch the Today Show this week. Try the advice of professionals. Work as hard at your marriage as you do at your work.

If these ideas are not your idea of the right direction, perhaps it is time to think about divorce and how you get out of a bad situation. Collaborative Divorce works for many families with children, significant assets or PRIVACY concerns. Or, if you just need to know the options, call me.

Collaborative Law and Divorce

Having spent a May weekend at Florida's 3rd Annual Statewide Collaborative Conference, I am energized to share the benefits of Collaborative Law with the World!!!

All of my clients agree to use a Collaborative Process if their opposing party will also agree to a Collaborative Process.

Here are a few of my findings:

Constructive Divorce with Value-Based Pricing

By Mark A. Chinn

http://www.americanbar.org/content/newsletter/publications/gp_solo_magazine_home/gp_solo_magazine_index/chinn.html

Planning for Your Divorce…and Your Next Marriage

By Marlo Van Oorschot

http://www.americanbar.org/content/newsletter/publications/gp_solo_magazine_home/gp_solo_magazine_index/planning_divorce.html

Collaborative Law: A New Approach to Divorce

Vol. 32 No. 1
By Terri A. Lastovka
Terri A. Lastovka, CPA, JD, ASA, focuses on business valuations (including dispute resolution valuations) and litigation consulting.
 http://www.americanbar.org/publications/gp_solo/2015/january-february/collaborative_law_new_approach_divorce.html

FAMILY LAW: Collaborative Divorce: Why the Underwhelming Advance?

Vol. 32 No. 1

By Luke Salava
Luke Salava is a fourth-place 2012 Schwab Essay winner who plans to launch StayWed, a nonprofit bringing attorneys and family therapists together to help mend imperiled marriages.
 http://www.americanbar.org/publications/gp_solo/2015/january-february/family_law_collaborative_divorce_why_underwhelming_advance.html

Book Review: Collaborative Divorce Handbook
By Margaret R. Kerouac Esq. – July 28, 2011
http://apps.americanbar.org/litigation/committees/family/articles/summer2011-book-review-collaborative-divorce-handbook.html

The Collaborative Divorce Handbook: Helping Families Without Going to Court, published by Jossey-Bass in 2009, is an excellent and convenient resource for those seeking an in-depth introduction to collaborative practice or as a guide or refresher for those with some experience practicing collaborative law.

Collaborative Law 2015

The Collaborative Family Law Conference is meeting at the Wyndham Grand Hotel at the Bonnet Creek Resort this weekend. BOY do I FEEL LUCKY!!!

Working with Collaborative leaders from all over the state to perfect our practice is a great way to finish out my 3 year term for Continuing Legal Education. Some people would say, wait, why didn't you already finish that? Well, I did, but this is a bonus!

When 400 professionals get together in a legal seminar, it can be a great experience, and it can be a bit of a tooth pulling session.
As the Keynote speaker noted, "How often do you get a chance to be in a group making changes in the world."
Every family needs to know what Collaborative Law can do for their relationships and getting past divorce to a new life.
In Florida there are 10 different Practice Groups. All are part of the Collaborative Law Council of Florida.

I am member of Collaborative Family Law of Central Florida. www.cfl-cfl.com
Being "intentional" in the way a family goes about breaking apart can save children from the dramatic impact of divorce. Most parents say they just want to take care of the kids, but how they do that is a litigated case is beyond me. Most parents think fighting for the most time possible or the most child support possible is what they see as "taking care of the children."

In a Collaborative Divorce, we seek to assist the parents in communicating effectively so they can AGREE on various Goals and then agree to processes to achieve those shared goals.
Shared goals may be for the children to be able to attend college without racking up significant student loan debt.

Awareness of Collaborative Practice
Awareness of the Collaborative Attorney
Relationship Respect - how your name comes up
Reputation - not just what you do, but how you do it.
Visibility - You must be able to BE Found by clients.

Define your brand - Non Adversarial
Live your brand - Non Adversarial
Communicate your brand - Non Adversarial

What is my Brand? WT's Farm - The Ducker Brand

My Grandfather Ducker was well known on Signal Mountain as the most Honest man around. If you asked him a question, no matter how difficult the answer, he would answer honestly, sometimes to his own harm. He grew up in poverty and worked his entire life to give his children the best he could. He was a wonderful example of living up to your word in my life.

My other Grandfather, WT, was the hardest working man I know. He worked from absolute poverty to being one of the leading Polled Hereford farmers in Southeast Tennessee. At a time when artisan was not associated with food, he was a farmer who worked tirelessly for the very best beef, Polled Hereford, being fed the very best grain. All from WT's Farm. His Brand was recognizable on the Mountain and in the County and in the State and across the Southeast.

Who YOU SAY your are must align with who OTHERS SAY you are and most importantly for your own mental health, must be WHO YOU ARE. When I say, "I want to help you move from here to there with the least conflict possible to keep your children from being negatively impacted by your decisions." I am saying that after 15 years of experience watching families break apart and seeing them invest large sums of money to 'get what's right', there is a better way.

Collaborative Divorce is a better way.

I am a calming counsel seeking best outcomes for my clients and their families.

My Brand is a reason to choose. My Brand differentiates me from the other lawyers, attorneys, mediators, counselors, sharks and fish in the sea?

Not just a logo or a tagline.

If you truly want to protect your family from the necessary conflict of a separation, seek out a Collaborative Professional to assist you and your spouse in making the best decisions for the sake of your family.

A Divorce may involve Alimony, Child Support, Timesharing or Property Division. But those are merely the words that are used to describe the outcome. Some divorces involve significant assets, allegations of hiding assets, worries about disclosure of information or finding where all the money was hidden.

Some attorneys will do exactly what their clients want. I am not one of those attorneys. I will work hard to help your family get over this bump in the road and move on with your new life. Call me to find out how Collaborative Law can help your family.
Aubrey

Mediation? Or Collaboration?

What does this say to you?

I am writing to offer my services as a Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator. I AM A PERSUASIVE, PASSIONATE AND AGGRESSIVE MEDIATOR.

That was the first line of a mediator who wants me to hire him for my cases.

I am not sure I want that much passion in Mediation. I would prefer a mediator who can make sure the other side Understands the good offer being presented.

Having had two mediations this week for different clients, and one administrative hearing, I am about ready to say NO! I won't do it any more!

For 15 years I have watched people move from Married to Single through the Florida Courts and have not really witnessed a Perfect Divorce. As close as I can come to a Perfect Dissolution of Marriage occurs in the Collaborative Process.

Litigation looks like this:
Preliminary Review with the Client.
Filing a Petition.
Waiting for an Answer.
Filing an Answer to a Counter Petition.
Asking for Interim Support.
Scheduling Mediation.
Preparing Discovery Requests.
Attending a Hearing.
Responding to Discovery Requests.
Taking Depositions.
Preparing for Mediation.
Defending Depositions.
Conducting Mediation.
Attending a Hearing.
Finding an Expert Witness to evaluate the Financials.
Examining the other side's Expert Witness on Financials.
Finding an Expert Witness on Employment and Income.
Deposing the other side's Expert Witness.
Defending my Experts at Deposition.
Attending a Status Conference.
Preparing a Temporary Agreement.
Preparing for Trial.
Attending a Pretrial Conference.
Preparing for Trial.
Getting final Discovery Items to opposing counsel.
Determining what items were not provided by the other side through Discovery.

Collaborative Divorce, Conscious Uncoupling, or NextGen Divorce http://nextgenerationdivorce.com/  or my favorite: http://cfl-cfl.com
offers real alternatives to the waste of time and money that is litigation.

Investigate the difference.
In a Collaborative Divorce, the steps above are transformed into a few meetings with professionals who help YOU DECIDE what happens with YOUR FAMILY. The Judge doesn't decide. The Lawyers don't decide. 

Each of the Collaborative Professionals, the Collaborative Attorneys, the Financial Neutrals, and the Mental Health Professionals who serve as Communications Facilitators and Neutrals are trained and Committed to the Collaborative Process to help YOU Make the Decisions that Affect Your Family.

Please visit our website at www.aubreylaw.com  or call me at 407-645-1330.

How Expensive Is a Divorce?

For some, VERY Expensive.
An Alimony check made out for $974,790,317.77 seems a little high. When you consider the man writing the check has a net worth of more than $8 Billion, well, lets just say they are still in court!

You can read about it here: http://www.forbes.com/sites/robertwood/2015/01/08/harold-hamms-975-million-uncashed-divorce-check-how-about-deducting-it/

You can even learn a little about taxes and Divorce Settlements here:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/robertwood/2014/11/11/harold-hamms-billion-dollar-divorce-and-the-irs/2/

In reality, a Divorce can be expensive or cheap, depending upon your desires. If you seek maximum conflict, then expensive it is. If you want years of legal wrangling, go with cheap.

My office strives for efficiently extricating clients from difficulties. We want to prevent problems next year by doing the hard work now. Many times, clients see their dreams realized by selecting Collaborative Divorce and making their own decisions.

Where there are High Assets, people may want to limit their exposure to the public and to continuing attorneys fees and court costs. Collaboration is the way to go.

Visit my website to learn more: www.aubreylaw.com
or simply pick up the phone and call 407-645-3297.
I look forward to hearing from you.

Collaborative Divorce - Conscious Uncoupling

Why do we call "Collaborative Divorce" - Conscious Uncoupling?

Because when you work hard to think about how to disentangle your lives, you find yourself able to be friends afterword. Imagine what that does for your children!


https://celebrity.yahoo.com/blogs/celeb-news/will-smith-and-ex-wife-reunite-to-celebrate-son-birthday-162934798.html?soc_src=mediacontentstory&soc_trk=fb

In Defense of Marriage and other Divorce Topics

We have Attorney General Pam Bondi defending "traditional" marriage in Florida. George Sheldon is trying to unseat her in the election November 4th.  In China, mobs are defending marriage. http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/crime/mob-led-scorned-wife-strips-husbands-mistress-naked-streets-beats-her

So you really did not marry the "Love of your life." Or maybe you did but He or She CHANGED! That is so unfair. Perhaps the Love of your Life was really infatuation and it took 17 years to figure out you were not really that taken by their longterm life goals. Today must be Huffington Post day, because every article I read pointed to or derived from an article amalgamated by Ariana Huffington.

The first one is actually called, "I Didn't Marry the Love of My Life." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/04/marrying-for-love_n_5642062.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular


Another Divorce related Huffington Post article deals with the role of Parenting Coordinators. When parents cannot seem to agree on any issue, many courts will appoint a Parenting Coordinator to facilitate communication for the benefit of the children.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nicole-h-sodoma/parenting-coordinators-child-custody_b_5287604.html

Of course, after a Collaborative Divorce, many clients report their communications with their former spouse have never been so good.

Then there are the dreaded 6 Words No Divorced Parent Wants to Hear. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/03/parenting-after-divorce_n_5632205.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular
You may have guessed: Mom/Dad, I want to live with Dad/Mom. (I know its 7, but the title of the story is not mine to change.)

Along with many guidelines for parents to follow so their children will never utter those horrible words! Do not "badmouth" the other parent. Cover your legal bases. Remain active in your child's life. Recognize the value of the other parent. Yes, good ideas if only clients will follow them.

The Birds and Bees of Marriage and Divorce

    You know Bees only attend one Queen. They are from birth set out to serve their Queen and only when a new queen is birthed in the hive does the hive divorce into "old Queen," in the current hive, and "New Queen" hives destined to seek out a hive with her new workers and drones. There is no "hive intermingling" so to speak.

   Likewise, birds can be fairly monogamous, although some are quite prone to wanderlust. Certain birds are quite adept at philandering between as many partners as possible. Take Hummingbirds for instance, "Speedy hummingbirds, eating on the run and flitting from mate to mate, are prone to heart attacks," says Noah Strycker in his new book The Thing With Feathers, reviewed in a New York Times Article yesterday. Also in the review is Bernd Heinrich's The Homing Instinct. What do these books tell us about Marriage and Divorce? http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/10/books/review/the-thing-with-feathers-and-the-homing-instinct.html?_r=0

     Homing instincts are critical to birds navigation around the globe. Most interesting is the description of the Albatross which spends most of its life soaring over the vast open oceans, but is fairly monogamous throughout life. The Albatross uses a dance ritual, learned from years of "courting" that is "as unique as human fingerprints" to each Albatross couple.

     Sunday's magazine of the NYT included a wonderful article detailing Human interaction in relationship and the correlations of education to stability. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/27/opinion/sunday/the-new-instability.html
Comparison over many years would lead most to believe that since the Equal Rights Revolution in the 60's and 70's divorce has actually become less common among more highly educated men and women. Obviously, changing societal norms have a great impact, as do attitudes. Just watch an episode of Mad Men to see how far we have come.

     If partners to a marriage spent comparative times apart as Albatross couples, and focused their times together on dancing in sync, perhaps divorce would not be common. But human relationships are much trickier than Albatross' interactions.

    Couples undergoing Collaborative Divorce, or Conscious Uncoupling as it is beginning to be known, report significantly improved communications. Probably communications improvements result from the use of a Neutral Facilitator who is trained in interpersonal communication. Perhaps just seeing a clear path to the finalization of the divorce helps. In any case, using a logical, step by step approach to divorce creates numerous benefits over Litigation.

    Collaboration also produces much more fair results than are sometimes obtained through Mediation alone. In Mediation, the parties may not be represented by attorneys and therefore may not have legal advice as to the fairness of anticipated settlements.

    In Collaborative Divorce, each side has an attorney to advice, coach and assist toward a fair result. Each side participates in setting the goals for the Collaborative Team. The Collaborative Team eliminates much of the fighting. When questions arise over who makes how much, what value to place on businesses, and how to divide Real Property, what personal property will be included and who will get what, the Collaborative Team works to balance all considerations to achieve the Team Goals set by the Parties themselves.

(here is an interesting article about some of the potential problems with dividing real estate: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/03/realestate/divorcing-co-op-owners-rooftop-barbecues-and-costly-assessments.html )
  
   As assets increase, so does the news value of divorce. http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2014/07/24/kenneth-griffin-files-for-divorce-from-anne-dias-griffin/
Especially when the divorce involves significantly high assets such as the Griffin matter. When privacy is a concern, Collaborative Divorce is key. Agreements to keep the matter private are much more effective when all parties are sitting around a table and commit to common goals by signing their agreements not to resort to litigation. Agreeing to agree is possible.

    

Forbes Wants You to Have a Dog

An electronic article in Forbes Magazine Online raised my concern: http://www.forbes.com/sites/jefflanders/2014/04/17/how-are-pets-handled-in-divorce/

Thankfully, Forbes is encouraging its readers to think long-term and consider the business of divorce rather than the emotional fighting that sometimes occurs. Of course, the article details the numerous courts and litigants who want the Judge to decide who gets fluffy and who gets visitation with Fido.

Too many decisions are left to the Judge when there are ways for people to make their own decisions, with help of counsel of course! Collaborative Divorce or Conscious Uncoupling is a Great Place to Start. Visit http://www.collaborativepractice.com/ to learn how this might be right for your family.

There are even websites tailored to Men and Women considering divorce such as: www.Divorceformen.us and www.dadsdivorce.com or http://www.womansdivorce.com/ and http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/divorceadvicepolls/a/adviceforwomen.htm

My favorite magazine, The WEEK ran an article for Men getting a divorce titled: 8 financial tips for men getting a divorce.  http://theweek.com/article/index/250324/8-financial-tips-for-men-getting-a-divorce

Suggestions include: Don't be afraid to pay Alimony. Don't be Afraid to Ask for Alimony! If you haven't read The WEEK, this article is a great example of why you should be reading The WEEK every week.

Some websites target women by featuring books that imply divorce should be a hard fought battle. One book, Divorce: Think Financially, Not Emotionally® – What Women Need to Know About Securing Their Financial Future Before, During and After Divorce, by Jeff Landers, even promises you will learn how to:

Avoid the top mistakes divorcing women make

Shore up your financial position so you enter the divorce process prepared

Choose between regular alimony or an up-front, lump-sum alimony payment

Decide whether to keep your marital house – and how to do so if it makes sense, financially

Protect your business, intellectual property and personal assets

Divide your assets in a way most favorable to you, from a tax and financial point of view

Disinherit your husband

Determine whether your husband is hiding assets

Build a qualified divorce team

You can even download and preview a chapter at http://thinkfinancially.com/book/!

By using language like "Devastating Mistakes" and "Where Husbands typically hide assets" this guy just wants to scare you into buying his book.

There is a better way!!!

Men and Women benefit from Collaborative Divorce. More importantly Children and Families benefit from "Conscious Uncoupling" as Collaborative Divorce is now being described.