Relocation with your Child

When a client called today to discuss relocation, I thought I should ad a Relocation note to this blog.

 

 As you review, please realize there is no consideration for high assets or significant income inequality in consideration under these rules.

 

Relocation is covered by Florida Statute 61.13001. In the absence of an agreement between the parties, a court must answer the following questions in order to determine Relocation is in the Best Interests of the Child. (Best Interests of the Child is the standard, NOT best interests of the Adult)

the court shall evaluate all of the following:

(a) The nature, quality, extent of involvement, and duration of the child’s relationship with the parent or other person proposing to relocate with the child and with the nonrelocating parent, other persons, siblings, half-siblings, and other significant persons in the child’s life.

 

(b) The age and developmental stage of the child, the needs of the child, and the likely impact the relocation will have on the child’s physical, educational, and emotional development, taking into consideration any special needs of the child.

 

(c) The feasibility of preserving the relationship between the nonrelocating parent or other person and the child through substitute arrangements that take into consideration the logistics of contact, access, and time-sharing, as well as the financial circumstances of the parties; whether those factors are sufficient to foster a continuing meaningful relationship between the child and the nonrelocating parent or other person; and the likelihood of compliance with the substitute arrangements by the relocating parent or other person once he or she is out of the jurisdiction of the court.

 

(d) The child’s preference, taking into consideration the age and maturity of the child.

 

(e) Whether the relocation will enhance the general quality of life for both the parent or other person seeking the relocation and the child, including, but not limited to, financial or emotional benefits or educational opportunities.

 

(f) The reasons each parent or other person is seeking or opposing the relocation.

 

(g) The current employment and economic circumstances of each parent or other person and whether the proposed relocation is necessary to improve the economic circumstances of the parent or other person seeking relocation of the child.

 

(h) That the relocation is sought in good faith and the extent to which the objecting parent has fulfilled his or her financial obligations to the parent or other person seeking relocation, including child support, spousal support, and marital property and marital debt obligations.

 

(i) The career and other opportunities available to the objecting parent or other person if the relocation occurs.

 

(j) A history of substance abuse or domestic violence as defined in s. 741.28 or which meets the criteria of s. 39.806(1)(d) by either parent, including a consideration of the severity of such conduct and the failure or success of any attempts at rehabilitation.

 

(k) Any other factor affecting the best interest of the child or as set forth in s. 61.13.

 Of course, (k) introduces a completely new set of factors for the court to consider in determining the Best Interests of the Child.

Section (3) of Florida Statutes 61.13 is as follows:
For purposes of establishing or modifying parental responsibility and creating, developing, approving, or modifying a parenting plan, including a time-sharing schedule, which governs each parent’s relationship with his or her minor child and the relationship between each parent with regard to his or her minor child, the best interest of the child shall be the primary consideration. A determination of parental responsibility, a parenting plan, or a time-sharing schedule may not be modified without a showing of a substantial, material, and unanticipated change in circumstances and a determination that the modification is in the best interests of the child. Determination of the best interests of the child shall be made by evaluating all of the factors affecting the welfare and interests of the particular minor child and the circumstances of that family, including, but not limited to:

(a) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship, to honor the time-sharing schedule, and to be reasonable when changes are required.

 

(b) The anticipated division of parental responsibilities after the litigation, including the extent to which parental responsibilities will be delegated to third parties.

 

(c) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to determine, consider, and act upon the needs of the child as opposed to the needs or desires of the parent.

 

(d) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.

 

(e) The geographic viability of the parenting plan, with special attention paid to the needs of school-age children and the amount of time to be spent traveling to effectuate the parenting plan. This factor does not create a presumption for or against relocation of either parent with a child.

(f) The moral fitness of the parents.

 

(g) The mental and physical health of the parents.

 

(h) The home, school, and community record of the child.

 

(i) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.

 

(j) The demonstrated knowledge, capacity, and disposition of each parent to be informed of the circumstances of the minor child, including, but not limited to, the child’s friends, teachers, medical care providers, daily activities, and favorite things.

 

(k) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to provide a consistent routine for the child, such as discipline, and daily schedules for homework, meals, and bedtime.

 

(l) The demonstrated capacity of each parent to communicate with and keep the other parent informed of issues and activities regarding the minor child, and the willingness of each parent to adopt a unified front on all major issues when dealing with the child.

 

(m) Evidence of domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect, regardless of whether a prior or pending action relating to those issues has been brought. If the court accepts evidence of prior or pending actions regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect, the court must specifically acknowledge in writing that such evidence was considered when evaluating the best interests of the child.

 

(n) Evidence that either parent has knowingly provided false information to the court regarding any prior or pending action regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect.

 

(o) The particular parenting tasks customarily performed by each parent and the division of parental responsibilities before the institution of litigation and during the pending litigation, including the extent to which parenting responsibilities were undertaken by third parties.

 

(p) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to participate and be involved in the child’s school and extracurricular activities.

 

(q) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to maintain an environment for the child which is free from substance abuse.

 

(r) The capacity and disposition of each parent to protect the child from the ongoing litigation as demonstrated by not discussing the litigation with the child, not sharing documents or electronic media related to the litigation with the child, and refraining from disparaging comments about the other parent to the child.

 

(s) The developmental stages and needs of the child and the demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to meet the child’s developmental needs.

 

(t) Any other factor that is relevant to the determination of a specific parenting plan, including the time-sharing schedule.

 

Again, the court is allowed to consider "ANY OTHER FACTOR THAT IS RELEVANT!"

 

It is imperative to have an attorney that understands these factors and how to present evidence on each one.

 

Call today: 407-645-3297 or visit Aubreylaw.com for a consultation on your particular case!

10 Hours in Mediation?

Last Thursday, I spent 10 hours in mediation with a client. We came prepared to settle the matter, but it took until afternoon for the other side to even give us the "number" they were seeking. At the end of the day, no resolution occurred, primarily because everyone was too tired to spend the time reviewing the Marital Settlement Agreement. Sometimes parties choose the wrong attorney to represent them. Other attorneys are stuck working to educate the client when their attorney sets up unreasonable expectations.

In thinking about this, I came across the following article I wrote more than 8 years ago.

Ring That Bell

There are many ways to ring a bell. The large Wheel in the background is attached to a one-inch rope passing from the steeple of the First Baptist Church in America to the Music Director's office. Pulling the rope rotates the bell to strike the large "ball clapper." In this manner the bell rotates and the clapper is relatively stationary. The use of a one inch rope, indicates the weight of the bell and the potential momentum imparted to the person pulling on the rope.

The steeple also has a clock. The clock has a mechanism to ring the bell on the hour and 1/2 hour by use of the "hammer or "alternate clapper." The clock mechanism can't produce the force necessary to move the entire bell, thus the use of a much lighter hammer.

The hammer also attaches to a much smaller rope passing from the steeple to the interior of the church. Pulling the much smaller rope rings the bell, but the bell remains relatively stationary.

All this to say there are many ways to ring a bell.

There are also many ways to pursue your legal rememdy. Choosing an attorney who understands the differences between Litigation and Mediation, between Fighting it Out and Working it Out, can mean the difference between years of litigation and moving on with your life.

Posted by Aubreyslaw at Tuesday, August 04, 2009 No comments: Links to this post   

How do you Work Out Terms in a Collaborative Divorce

Working Out the Terms of your Spousal Support Agreement in a Collaborative Divorce

Spousal support, also known as alimony, is an issue that arises in many Florida divorces. It is the money one partner pays to the other after their divorce, generally for a fixed period of time but sometimes, until the receiving spouse remarries or either partner dies. This money is intended to help the spouse who opted out of the full-time workforce to care for the couple’s home and children during the marriage to avoid financial hardship.

 In a collaborative divorce, the divorcing couple works together to make their own determinations about their divorce settlement, rather than having the court make them. Alimony is often an issue discussed during collaborative divorces alongside parenting time and the division of the couple’s marital assets.

In Florida, you Can Waive your Right to Seek Spousal Support

Florida law permits individuals to waive their right to seek alimony in the event of their divorces in prenuptial agreements. This is not the case in all states.

Just like a collaborative divorce, a prenuptial agreement requires a couple to be flexible and willing to work together to make determinations that benefit them both, even in unpleasant situations like divorce.

Waiving Spousal Support in Exchange for a Larger Share of Marital Assets

When you divorce through collaboration, rather than litigation, you and your spouse work together to reach a divorce agreement that best fits your needs. In any divorce, dividing your marital assets is a component of the final settlement and often, it is the largest component of the settlement. Talk about potentially opting out of alimony in exchange for a more favorable share of your marital assets with your spouse, but also with your lawyer privately – there could be issues you do not initially recognize, like large tax burdens associated with certain marital assets or the long-term impact of choosing not to create an alimony order.

Collaborative Divorce is All About Keeping Control of your Divorce

Couples who choose collaborative divorce are often more satisfied with the results of their divorces than couples who divorce through litigation.

If you took on lower-paying jobs or opted out of the workforce completely during your marriage, alimony is a way to protect your financial future. Do not confuse the need to be amicable in a collaborative divorce with a need to agree with everything your spouse suggests. If you feel alimony is in your best interest, explain this and support your position with relevant facts during your collaborative divorce meetings. Your lawyer is your advocate, but you also need to advocate for yourself.

Work with an Experienced Winter Park Divorce Lawyer

When you are considering divorce, you have a lot on your mind. Before you begin the collaborative divorce process, discuss these issues with your divorce lawyer so you begin the process educated about Florida’s divorce laws and what you can expect given your case’s unique circumstances. Contact The Law Offices of Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr., P.L.C. today to schedule your initial consultation with us.

http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0000-0099/0061/Sections/0061.079.html

Four Tips for Using Social Media While your Divorce is Pending

We live in a world where our online interactions are as frequent and as meaningful as those we conduct face to face. Many of these interactions take place on social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook, which allow us to share our thoughts and images of our lives with hundreds, even thousands of followers.

 If your divorce is pending, you should take special care when using social media. Even a seemingly innocent comment can be taken out of context and used to make you appear to be a bad parent or a financially irresponsible individual. Below are four strategies to use to keep your social media behavior in check while you are working through the divorce process.

 If you Would Not Say it in Court, Do Not Post it on Social Media

 This is because once you make a comment on social media, you can never completely take it back. Even if you delete a comment, you cannot know that nobody took a screenshot before you removed it. Instead of putting yourself in this position, censor yourself on social media. Do not post anything that could be construed as a negative statement about your former partner or the divorce.

 The Unfriend, Unfollow, and Block Buttons are your Friends

Know who has access to the information you post on social media. Although you can never be sure that your information is not being shared beyond your inner circle, you can limit who has firsthand access to your posts by limiting your contact lists. If you are facing harassment on social media, do not hesitate to block the harasser and if the harassment is coming from your spouse or a close relative or friend to him or her, mention this to your lawyer.

Keep the Details of your Divorce Off your Social Media Channels

Do not only censor your feelings about your former partner and the divorce. Censor any discussion about the details of the divorce, such as the amount of spousal maintenance you are seeking, how your assets were divided, and your timesharing schedule.

Do Not Make your New Relationship “Facebook Official” Until your Divorce is Finalized

Ideally, you should refrain from dating until your divorce is finalized. But if you do begin a new relationship before your divorce is final, keep it off social media. Your former partner can use photos and posts you make to support claims that you are spending marital money on your new partner or that you are a careless parent because you would rather focus on your love life than your children. Moving in with a new partner can also compromise your ability to receive spousal maintenance, and photos from social media can be used to show or allege a cohabitating relationship.

Work with an Experienced Winter Park Divorce Lawyer

If your marriage has reached the point where you cannot save it, work with an experienced Winter Park divorce lawyer to end it. Contact The Law Offices of Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr., PLLC today to schedule your initial consultation with Mr. Ducker.

https://www.floridabar.org/divcom/jn/jnjournal01.nsf/Author/9AE8F4F1F573FFD2852571230058168C

http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&URL=0000-0099/0061/Sections/0061.13.html

Advice from a Divorce Lawyer - How to make a Marriage Last!

Use Bonding Behaviors.
· smiling, with eye contact
· skin-to-skin contact
· providing a service or treat without being asked
· giving unsolicited approval, via smiles or compliments
· gazing into each other's eyes
· listening intently, and restating what you hear
· forgiving or overlooking an error or thoughtless remark, past or present
· preparing your partner something to eat
· synchronized breathing
· kissing with lips and tongues
· cradling, or gently rocking, your partner's head and torso (works well on a couch, or with lots of pillows)
· holding, or spooning, each other in stillness
· wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure
· stroking with intent to comfort
· massaging with intent to comfort, especially feet, shoulders and head
· hugging with intent to comfort
· lying with your ear over your partner's heart and listening to the heart beat
· touching and sucking of nipples/breasts
· gently placing your palm over your lover's genitals with intent to comfort rather than arouse
· making time together at bedtime a priority
· gentle intercourse

There are some curious aspects to bonding behaviors.

First, in order to sustain the sparkle in a relationship these behaviors need to occur daily, or almost daily.

Second, they need not occur for long, or be particularly effortful, but they must be genuinely selfless.

Third, there's evidence that the more you use bonding behaviors, the more sensitive your brain becomes to the neurochemicals that help you feel relaxed and loving. (In contrast, intense stimulation sometimes causes tolerance to build up.)

Fourth, some items on the list above may sound like foreplay, but in one important sense they are not. Foreplay is geared toward building sexual tension and climax—which sets off a subtle cycle of neurochemical changes (and sometimes unwelcome perception shifts) before the brain returns to equilibrium.

In contrast, bonding behaviors are geared toward relaxation. They work best when they soothe an old part of the primitive brain known as the amygdala.

Remarkably, these suggestions come from a website related to Porn Addiction. http://yourbrainonporn.com/the-lazy-way-to-stay-in-love

Proof Your Marriage: Ashley Madison was a Symptom

Each morning when we can, my wife and I watch the Today Show www.today.com , together. We usually record it and shrink the viewing time to about 25 minutes by skipping all the commercials and teasers. Today had already planned a series this week on Marriage, and by a look at the news recently, their timing could not have been better.

After last weeks Ashley Madison Hacker scandal we keep seeing famous and not so famous people being caught up in the carnage. From politicians and Duggars( http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/20/us/josh-duggar-ashley-madison/ ) to political cartoons (   ), the fallout continues. This morning brought the first report of two apparent suicides related to revelations of the hackers. http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/2015/08/24/world/americas/24reuters-ashleymadison-cybersecurity-suicides.html

Now a former employee of Ashley Madison claims the website actually made up many of the women listed as interested in affairs. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3206846/Hacked-adultery-website-Ashley-Madison-created-hundreds-fake-female-profiles-lure-male-customers-claims-former-employee.html while The Week profiles a british writer who claims there are just as many women who want to have affairs as men. http://theweek.com/articles/573446/why-are-denying-that-women-used-ashley-madison

Locally, our own State Attorney Jeff Ashton had to schedule a news conference  this past Sunday to say he had done no wrong and the only person he had to explain himself to was the mother of his children.

Finally, in case you are wondering about Central Florida, the following link contains 4,589 individual entries, including names, addresses and web addresses from the Orlando area. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10VMj6xx85aPyY4MocEEnpYwkbCAsG483JK8aQ3pMQoo/htmlview?pli=1
Thanks to "Life has a Restart Button" Walter Benenati, http://www.407bankrupt.com/

But enough about Affairs!

This week Today is featuring ideas and answers to help strengthen your marriage. This morning's segment begins with the "Summer of Celebrity Breakups" and asks if these high-profile breakups mean all marriages are in trouble? Not really says the expert. Northwestern University's professor Eli Finkel.
http://www.today.com/health/3-tips-make-your-marriage-stronger-happier-ever-t40261

Marriages are stronger than ever in some cases. Here are a few examples:

How about a 100 year old couple who have been married 75 years! Congratulations: http://www.today.com/news/100-year-old-couple-celebrates-love-75-years-after-saying-t40396

Celine Dion proves her love by vowing she will take care of her cancer stricken husband until he dies in her arms here: http://www.today.com/health/celine-dion-opens-about-husbands-illness-hell-die-my-arms-t40551

And a couple in Toronto held the grooms funeral on the date they originally intended for the wedding when he lost his long battle with cancer.  http://www.today.com/health/after-dream-ceremony-mans-funeral-held-what-should-have-been-t40356

And people are still getting married (though I hope they are consulting attorneys for prenuptial agreements because sometimes these are needed and many times they create a dialogue that needs to occur.)

Sofia Vergara is getting married and made the cover of several magazines. http://www.today.com/style/see-sofia-vergara-try-gorgeous-wedding-dresses-t40371

Alison Brie and Dave Franco got engaged. http://www.today.com/popculture/alison-brie-dave-franco-get-engaged-mad-men-star-shows-t40591

For so many, Marriage is a lifelong goal. For others, marriage is not so serious. Where do you fit in? If your marriage is in need of help, watch the Today Show this week. Try the advice of professionals. Work as hard at your marriage as you do at your work.

If these ideas are not your idea of the right direction, perhaps it is time to think about divorce and how you get out of a bad situation. Collaborative Divorce works for many families with children, significant assets or PRIVACY concerns. Or, if you just need to know the options, call me.

To Grow Closer, Ask These Questions:

When you're fighting all the time, asking someone about their dreams for the future can be a recipe for disaster, especially if those dreams don't include you.

But, if you want to explore your spouse's psyche without risking hurt feelings, try asking the following questions.

Not only will they help you get to know one another all over again; they may also help you find new ways of relating:

·         What's your best memory of us as a couple?

 

·         What did you think of me when we first met?

·         What do you think is our biggest strength as a couple?

·         If you could change one thing about our marriage, what would it be?

·         If I could change one behavior tomorrow to make you happier, what would it be?

·         What would you like to change about yourself as a partner?

·         What are your hopes for our future together?

·         How do you think our values and relationship have changed over time?

·         What's the best thing about being married to me?

·         Is there any sexual trick you've been itching to try?

·         What are you most scared of in our relationship?

·         If I could surprise you with anything, what would you want for it to be?

·         What does a perfect day look like for you?

·         Which ways of showing love feel best to you? Gifts? Sex? Favors? Something else?

·         If I could get you any gift in the world, what would you want? Why?

·         If you could travel anywhere, where would it be?

·         What's the sexiest thing I could do for your right now?

 

Hope it helps! BTW, this came from: http://staymarriedflorida.com/staymarriedblog/want-to-fall-in-love-all-over-ask-your-spouse-these-questions

 

If it is too late, give me a call or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

 

Mediation? Or Collaboration?

What does this say to you?

I am writing to offer my services as a Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator. I AM A PERSUASIVE, PASSIONATE AND AGGRESSIVE MEDIATOR.

That was the first line of a mediator who wants me to hire him for my cases.

I am not sure I want that much passion in Mediation. I would prefer a mediator who can make sure the other side Understands the good offer being presented.

Having had two mediations this week for different clients, and one administrative hearing, I am about ready to say NO! I won't do it any more!

For 15 years I have watched people move from Married to Single through the Florida Courts and have not really witnessed a Perfect Divorce. As close as I can come to a Perfect Dissolution of Marriage occurs in the Collaborative Process.

Litigation looks like this:
Preliminary Review with the Client.
Filing a Petition.
Waiting for an Answer.
Filing an Answer to a Counter Petition.
Asking for Interim Support.
Scheduling Mediation.
Preparing Discovery Requests.
Attending a Hearing.
Responding to Discovery Requests.
Taking Depositions.
Preparing for Mediation.
Defending Depositions.
Conducting Mediation.
Attending a Hearing.
Finding an Expert Witness to evaluate the Financials.
Examining the other side's Expert Witness on Financials.
Finding an Expert Witness on Employment and Income.
Deposing the other side's Expert Witness.
Defending my Experts at Deposition.
Attending a Status Conference.
Preparing a Temporary Agreement.
Preparing for Trial.
Attending a Pretrial Conference.
Preparing for Trial.
Getting final Discovery Items to opposing counsel.
Determining what items were not provided by the other side through Discovery.

Collaborative Divorce, Conscious Uncoupling, or NextGen Divorce http://nextgenerationdivorce.com/  or my favorite: http://cfl-cfl.com
offers real alternatives to the waste of time and money that is litigation.

Investigate the difference.
In a Collaborative Divorce, the steps above are transformed into a few meetings with professionals who help YOU DECIDE what happens with YOUR FAMILY. The Judge doesn't decide. The Lawyers don't decide. 

Each of the Collaborative Professionals, the Collaborative Attorneys, the Financial Neutrals, and the Mental Health Professionals who serve as Communications Facilitators and Neutrals are trained and Committed to the Collaborative Process to help YOU Make the Decisions that Affect Your Family.

Please visit our website at www.aubreylaw.com  or call me at 407-645-1330.

Chirstmas Week and Chanukah Week, Together Again

Happy Holidays! If that makes you angry, stop reading and find a Blog you will enjoy more!
Happy Chanukah, as my Jewish friends are on day 5 (it began Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at sundown and ends Wednesday, December 24, 2014, at sundown) their holiday runs directly into the Christian Christmas Holiday.

One of the Icons of the Bankruptcy Community in Orlando, Jules Cohen, lost his dear wife of more than 50 years this past week. While Jules is Jewish, his wife is Christian. Their marriage speaks volumes of the ability of people in love to work through problems - even conflicts at the very basis of their beliefs.

Funny how divergent sources can come together for peace. Baptist News Global  included in an email on Friday a Huffington Post article, 36 Things I know after 36 years of Marriage. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/winifred-m-reilly/36-things-i-know-after-36_b_6321032.html?
 
Normally, Baptists and the Huffington Post seem to be from the opposite ends of the spectrum of opinion. Normally, opposites attract, right?
Even then, problems arise. What do you do with problems?
I like these excerpts:

2. Most marital problems are fixable. Really. Even the tough ones.

3. The D word (divorce) is a dangerous weapon. I suggest the F word instead: frustrated. Nobody's heart will be broken if you say, "I'm so FRUSTRATED I could scream!"
13. Marriage is a long negotiation about how two people are going to run things. Money. Intimacy. Parenting. Chores. You can battle, or you can collaborate. Collaboration is a lot more rewarding.

14. Even the most stubborn among us can learn how to yield. Trust me on this one.
36. One of you has to go first. Apologize first. Be vulnerable first. Yield first. Forgive first. Why not let that person be you?

Collaborative Divorce is a "New Thing" in the last 20 years. Still it has taken a LONG time to really gain traction. There is still no "Collaborative Law Statute" in Florida that would assist people in using this method. Collaboration is working together to make decisions that benefit the family - even if the family is separating.

Sometimes the changes people make in their lives require changes in others that others may not be able or willing to make. Freedom necessitates being free to choose to start over. If you need help, call me.

Randy Greater's Grandma's Rules for Thanksgiving - I love This

Grandma's Thanksgiving Dinner invite letter :

 

Dear Family,

I'm not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in
my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might
consider being with me for my favorite holiday. Dinner is at 2:00. Not
2:15. Not 2:05. Two. 2:00.Arrive late and you get what's left over....
 

Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those
contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house. This year,
the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop
of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.
 

Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot. You don't arrive at
someone's house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove.
Honest to God, I thought you might have learned after two wives - date
them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.
 

Now, the house rules are slightly different this year because I have
decided that 47% of you don't know how to take care of nice
things. Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the
environment, but I'll be gone soon and that will be your problem to
deal with.
 

House Rules:

1. The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M. The
television stays off during the meal.

  2. The "no cans for kids" rule still exists. We are using 2 liter
bottles because your children still open a third can before
finishing the first two. Parents can fill a child's cup when it is
empty. All of the cups have names on them and I'll be paying close
attention to refills.

  3. Chloe, last year we were at Trudy's house and I looked the other
way when your Jell-O salad showed up. This year, if Jell-O salad
comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with
the garbage. Save yourself some time, honey. You've never been a
good cook and you shouldn't bring something that wiggles more than you.
Buy something from the bakery.

  4. Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy. That is a fact
of life. Your children can eat healthy at your home. At my home,
they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.

  5. I cook with bacon and bacon grease. That's nothing new. Your being
a vegetarian doesn't change the fact that stuffing without
bacon is like egg salad without eggs. Even the green bean casserole has
a little bacon grease in it. That's why it tastes so good. Not
eating bacon is just not natural. And as far as being healthy... look
at me. I've outlived almost everyone I know.
6. Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.

  7. I do not like cell phones. Leave them in the car.

  8. I do not like video cameras. There will be 32 people here. I am
sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed
at me.

  9. Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the
kids. I have nice things and I don't put them away just because
company is coming over. Mary, watch your kids and I'll watch my things.

10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has
lived too many lives. I think staying home to care for the cat
is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too. I
can live with that. Can you?
 

11. Words mean things. I say what I mean. Let me repeat: You don't
need to bring anything means you don't need to bring anything. And
if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said.
Really, this doesn't have to be difficult.
 

12. Domino's and cards are better than anything that requires a
battery or an on/off switch. That was true when you were kids and
it's true now that you have kids.
 

13. Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas.
Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.
 

In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be filled with
beer. Drink until it is gone. I prefer wine anyway. But one from
each family needs to be the designated driver.

  I really mean all of the above.

 

                                  Love You, Grandma

Collaborative Divorce - Conscious Uncoupling

Why do we call "Collaborative Divorce" - Conscious Uncoupling?

Because when you work hard to think about how to disentangle your lives, you find yourself able to be friends afterword. Imagine what that does for your children!


https://celebrity.yahoo.com/blogs/celeb-news/will-smith-and-ex-wife-reunite-to-celebrate-son-birthday-162934798.html?soc_src=mediacontentstory&soc_trk=fb

In Defense of Marriage and other Divorce Topics

We have Attorney General Pam Bondi defending "traditional" marriage in Florida. George Sheldon is trying to unseat her in the election November 4th.  In China, mobs are defending marriage. http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/crime/mob-led-scorned-wife-strips-husbands-mistress-naked-streets-beats-her

So you really did not marry the "Love of your life." Or maybe you did but He or She CHANGED! That is so unfair. Perhaps the Love of your Life was really infatuation and it took 17 years to figure out you were not really that taken by their longterm life goals. Today must be Huffington Post day, because every article I read pointed to or derived from an article amalgamated by Ariana Huffington.

The first one is actually called, "I Didn't Marry the Love of My Life." http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/04/marrying-for-love_n_5642062.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular


Another Divorce related Huffington Post article deals with the role of Parenting Coordinators. When parents cannot seem to agree on any issue, many courts will appoint a Parenting Coordinator to facilitate communication for the benefit of the children.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nicole-h-sodoma/parenting-coordinators-child-custody_b_5287604.html

Of course, after a Collaborative Divorce, many clients report their communications with their former spouse have never been so good.

Then there are the dreaded 6 Words No Divorced Parent Wants to Hear. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/03/parenting-after-divorce_n_5632205.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular
You may have guessed: Mom/Dad, I want to live with Dad/Mom. (I know its 7, but the title of the story is not mine to change.)

Along with many guidelines for parents to follow so their children will never utter those horrible words! Do not "badmouth" the other parent. Cover your legal bases. Remain active in your child's life. Recognize the value of the other parent. Yes, good ideas if only clients will follow them.

A Chart of Punctuation - And Congratulations to Weird Al

A first has occurred:

'Weird Al' Yankovic has the Number 1 Album in America this week according to the Billboard 200. Selling more than 104,000 copies, Mandatory Fun is his best selling album ever and the first album to appear at Number 1 on the list.

Since 1983, Weird Al has released more than 15 albums, having success into his fourth decade of work is impressive, more impressive, this is the first time a comedy album has made the top spot in more than 50 years. Weird Al has written more than 100 songs that did not even make it to his albums.

A talented performer, Weird Al established the parody genre popular all over the internet.
He even had a television Saturday Morning show on CBS, The Weird Al Show, for one season in 1997. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Weird_Al_Show

Possibly my favorite song on Mandatory Fun is Word Crimes, a parody of Blurred Lines. You can listen to his new song Word Crimes on the album here: http://www.weirdal.com/ 

Word Crimes appears to have been written for all the grammar police on the internet and to teach some less articulate people why what they are saying is Literally wrong.
For a helpful list of punctuation marks and when they should be used look here:
http://editorial.designtaxi.com/news-punct1606/big.jpg

When you have something to say, proper grammar and punctuation can be the difference between properly conveying an important argument and initiating a resounding thud from your listeners.

Attorneys make arguments to courts using Facts and Law. While facts are individual to a case, Law derives from Code, such as statutes and written rules, and Case law, those decisions handed down by previous courts in similar situations. When a court is faced with similar Fact situations under the same rules, the results are expected to be similar. If the statute applies, it should be enforced, absent some exception found in another statute or case law.

Attorneys should be wordsmiths. Choosing the exact word or phrase to convey their client's business. If the parties were married, it may be a divorce but not a paternity action. If the attorney practices Collaborative Law, she may be cooperative in helping heal the family going through divorce. http://www.cfl-cfl.com/Legal-Directory.html

When an apology is appropriate, an answer may not appear satisfactory.

Sometimes, the wrong word hurts.
 

A Non-Stressful Way for Florida Couples to Divorce

Going through a divorce in Orlando, Florida, can be a difficult stage of a person's life. Floridians considering divorce should realize that divorce could sometimes be the largest legal, emotional and financial issue they'll ever experience. Ending a marriage severs the legal marital relationship, divides marital assets and sets parenting duties for children.

However, ending a marriage in Florida could be made less difficult if a couple engages in one of several forms of alternative dispute resolution, which may help spouses divorce without the traditional stress and challenge of litigation. Many people are currently choosing a collaborative divorce process because of its different advantages. Divorce and collaborative law is a novel approach that removes the "fight and win" mindset from a divorce process. Collaborative law allows both parties to use negotiation and mediation to settle legal divorce issues.

Collaborative divorce is a popular option for couples because it prevents parties from saying or doing things just to win. Unlike litigation, the collaborative divorce process helps spouses end a marriage amicably, which can also benefit parents who want to settle child-related issues without affecting the child. Because collaborative divorce encourages parents to act as a parenting team when raising their child, divorcing with the collaborative law process can have less emotional impact on a child.
Different professionals in collaborative law may guide divorcing couples through the emotional, financial and legal aspects of divorce. These professionals will remain neutral but will provide the parties with a forum and suggestions to come to a mutual decision.

Compared to a traditional Orlando divorce where the Florida court will decide the divorce settlement, the decision making in collaborative law is done by the spouses and the final outcome solely depends on mutual agreement. More importantly, collaborative divorce may work for both parties who are willing to actively participate in the negotiation.
Source: KERA News, "Three Reasons People Choose Collaborative Divorce," Stephen Becker, March 20, 2014
 

Attorney Ratings are Important - Ask!

Attorney Aubrey H. Ducker Jr has Achieved the AV Preeminent^® Rating - the Highest Possible Rating from Martindale-Hubbell^®.

Aubrey H. Ducker Jr, a lawyer based in Winter Park, FL whose primary area of practice is Family Law, has earned the AV Preeminent^® rating from Martindale-Hubbell^®

Winter Park, FL (PR Newswire) January 28, 2014 - Martindale-Hubbell^® has confirmed that attorney Aubrey H. Ducker Jr still maintains the AV Preeminent Rating, Martindale-Hubbell's highest possible rating for both ethical standards and legal ability, even after first achieving this rating in 2012.
For more than 130 years, lawyers have relied on the Martindale-Hubbell AV Preeminent^® rating while searching for their own expert attorneys. Now anyone can make use of this trusted rating by looking up a lawyer's rating on Lawyers.com or martindale.com. The Martindale-Hubbell^® AV Preeminent^® rating is the highest possible rating for an attorney for both ethical standards and legal ability. This rating represents the pinnacle of professional excellence. It is achieved only after an attorney has been reviewed and recommended by their peers - members of the bar and the judiciary. Congratulations go to Aubrey H. Ducker Jr who has achieved the AV Preeminent^® Rating from Martindale-Hubbell^®.

Aubrey H. Ducker Jr commented on the recognition: "The Martindale-Hubbell AV Preeminent Rating is a credential highly valued and sought after in the legal world. It used to be a sort of secret among attorneys who used the rating as a first screen when they needed to hire a lawyer they did not personally know. Now, thanks to the Internet, the Rating is a great way for anyone – lawyers or lay people - to use to screen lawyers. I am thankful to my peers who nominated me for this distinction, and proud to have earned this, the highest possible Martindale-Hubbell rating."

To find out more or to contact Aubrey H. Ducker Jr of Winter Park, FL, call 407-645-3297, or visit http://www.aubreylaw.com.

As a result of this honor, American Registry LLC, has added Aubrey H. Ducker Jr to The Registry™ of Business and Professional Excellence. For more information, search The Registry™ at http://www.americanregistry.com.

Contact Information:
Aubrey H. Ducker Jr

Phone: 407-645-3297

Email Address: AubreyLaw@gmail.com

Website: http://www.aubreylaw.com

Attorney Aubrey H. Ducker Jr has Achieved the AV Preeminent^® Rating - the Highest Possible Rating from Martindale-Hubbell^®.

Excerpts from My Book

 Inside the Minds: Strategies for Family Law in Florida

Published by Aspatore Books, a Thomson Reuters business

 

Managing Family Law/Elder Care Law Nexus Cases Using Collaborative Law Strategies

. . . Guardianship in Florida is filed in the probate court. My first guardianship case involved a fifty-year-old deaf mute who had received a large settlement from a lawsuit, but because of his disabilities, the court did not want him to have access to that settlement. Therefore, a guardianship of the person was required and a trustee was appointed to manage his assets. (Funny how the Courts will sometimes set up problems for the people they are really trying to assist.)

 

I have also worked on cases involving long-term marriages—marriages of more than fifty years—where the parents were beginning to decline in health and their children were starting to apply for guardianships or having difficult conversations with their parents regarding what would happen to them in the future; i.e., where they would live, and/or if they would have to go into a nursing home. Many such “end of life” questions come up in the practice of elder law—i.e., how and where I am going to live out my life, and who is going to make decisions for me when I an incapacitated? In some cases, one or both of the parties are becoming incompetent due to dementia, Alzheimer’s, or other frailties of age affecting the decision making process and one spouse’s ability to care for the other spouse.

For example, I once had a case involving a couple who had been married for about sixty-two years. The wife wanted a divorce because she was concerned that her husband was trying to kill her. In all of her interactions with me she appeared to be perfectly competent, but during the divorce proceedings it became clear that she had some defects of the memory. The parties had been separated for two years and were living apart; they had homes in different areas of the state and in different states. They had three children; two were aligned with their mother and wanted her to receive all of the couple’s assets, and one child was aligned with the father. In my opinion, instead of talking to their parents about filing for divorce, the children should have been talking to me about filing a guardianship for both parents, because both parents had serious memory defects. Ultimately, the parents got divorced; and the children became engaged in what I refer to it as a pre-death probate process, because the children were basically dividing up their parents’ assets and aligning themselves with the parent who they were expecting to receive an asset from in future years.

As it turned out, some of the assets that the parents claimed to own were, in fact, non-existent, even though we had done due diligence in that area. For example, both spouses had certificates of deposit and bank statements that showed that they had a certain amount of money in the bank; we later learned that the parents had subsequently taken that money out of the bank and used it for their daily living expenses. Consequently, instead of having $200,000 in the bank, the couple only had $20,000. Indeed, between the time of the signing of a marital settlement agreement that had been negotiated with everyone’s full disclosure and knowledge and the time we appeared in court for a final judgment, it became apparent that both spouses had delusional notions regarding the extent of their assets. Therefore, the couple was probably not competent with respect to making decisions concerning a divorce; and we should have been pursuing guardianship issues instead.

In a similar case, I dealt with a couple who had been married for fifty-six years, and the wife had full-blown Alzheimer’s dementia. She did not know on a day-to-day basis where she was or who she was with; she did recognize her husband and her children, but only to a minimal extent. It was clear that she was fully incompetent. Her husband had been taking care of her for several years; and unfortunately, he had made some statements to his adult children, who were in their fifties, complaining about the care that his wife required. The children had interpreted the husband’s concerns and complaints as a reluctance to care for his wife; and one day, they simply took their mother out of her home, claiming that they were taking her to the beautician to get her hair done, and she was never returned to the home. Although the children were seemingly trying to protect their mother from neglect by her husband, they wound up destroying both parents’ lives. The husband died just nine months later, having never seen his wife again because of the actions of his children.

I believe that we are likely to see more guardianship cases in the elder law area in the future, largely because as our life expectancy increases we will see more couples who have been married for fifty, sixty, or even seventy years. Many of those couples have adult children who have been married for twenty to forty years; and those children are becoming the caregivers of their parents in much greater numbers than in previous years. Ultimately, as adult children become caregivers conflicts will arise over the definition of appropriate care. Indeed, we are seeing a growing number of conflicts over where elderly parents should live and who should be providing their care. Unfortunately, I am also seeing more cases involving parents who are outliving their retirement savings. When they retired twenty or thirty years ago they had significant assets, but now that they have become dependent on nursing home care their assets are gone and their children are applying for them to be enrolled in Medicaid.

All too often, the children of elderly parents receive bad advice that leads to very confusing family law issues, especially when you have one party to a marriage who may be suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s and may be incompetent, and their children want to control the care of their parent but they do not really know how to go about doing that. For instance, in the case I referred to where the adult children took their mother away from the home where she had been living with her husband of fifty-six years, those adult children started cleaning out bank accounts so that they would have sufficient assets to take care of their mother. The husband then went to an attorney who advised him to file for divorce so that the court would freeze the couple’s assets, thereby ensuring that that husband would be able to protect his half of the assets. However, that was not an effective strategy—in fact, the children used the divorce filing as evidence that their father no longer wanted to have anything to do with his wife. In this case, the husband’s original attorney wound up making his client’s problem far worse than it was to begin with. When the husband consulted me we immediately withdrew the divorce petition and filed a guardianship petition instead. Unfortunately, the children had already used the divorce petition which was filed in Florida as evidence in their case for a conservatorship in California, where they had taken their mother by plane, even though she did not know where she was going; and she never returned to Florida until after her husband’s death.

My Name: Aubrey Harry Ducker Jr.            

My Firm Name: The Law Offices of Aubrey Ducker, PLC
My Title: Managing Member
My Phone #: 407-645-3297
My Email: Aubreylaw@gmail.com

My Website: www.aubreylaw.com

Business Address:  2020 Mizell Avenue, Winter Park, FL 32792

Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr., is a member of the Orange County Bar Association and the Florida Bar  and the American Bar Association. He has received a AV Preeminent Peer Review Rating from Martindale-Hubbell.  Mr. Ducker serves by court appointment as a Guardian Ad Litem, advocating for children in contested custody and abuse or neglect cases. After serving six years in the U.S. Navy onboard the USS George Bancroft, SSBN-643, Mr. Ducker attended the Valencia Community College, the University of Central Florida and the University of Florida Levin College of Law in Gainesville.  

Mr. Ducker’s practice focuses on Collaborative Divorce, Elder Law, Family Law and Guardianships. He also shares Mortgage Mediation Education Inc. as a co-owner and lecturer on Ethics. Mr. Ducker is previously published under the Aspatore Label with Inside the Minds, Strategies for Family Law in Florida. He also serves on the board of Director of several non-profits and Chairs the Board of Christian Ethics Today.

Mr. Ducker previously served as Attorney for the City of Eagle Lake, Florida