Proof Your Marriage: Ashley Madison was a Symptom

Each morning when we can, my wife and I watch the Today Show www.today.com , together. We usually record it and shrink the viewing time to about 25 minutes by skipping all the commercials and teasers. Today had already planned a series this week on Marriage, and by a look at the news recently, their timing could not have been better.

After last weeks Ashley Madison Hacker scandal we keep seeing famous and not so famous people being caught up in the carnage. From politicians and Duggars( http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/20/us/josh-duggar-ashley-madison/ ) to political cartoons (   ), the fallout continues. This morning brought the first report of two apparent suicides related to revelations of the hackers. http://www.nytimes.com/reuters/2015/08/24/world/americas/24reuters-ashleymadison-cybersecurity-suicides.html

Now a former employee of Ashley Madison claims the website actually made up many of the women listed as interested in affairs. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3206846/Hacked-adultery-website-Ashley-Madison-created-hundreds-fake-female-profiles-lure-male-customers-claims-former-employee.html while The Week profiles a british writer who claims there are just as many women who want to have affairs as men. http://theweek.com/articles/573446/why-are-denying-that-women-used-ashley-madison

Locally, our own State Attorney Jeff Ashton had to schedule a news conference  this past Sunday to say he had done no wrong and the only person he had to explain himself to was the mother of his children.

Finally, in case you are wondering about Central Florida, the following link contains 4,589 individual entries, including names, addresses and web addresses from the Orlando area. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/10VMj6xx85aPyY4MocEEnpYwkbCAsG483JK8aQ3pMQoo/htmlview?pli=1
Thanks to "Life has a Restart Button" Walter Benenati, http://www.407bankrupt.com/

But enough about Affairs!

This week Today is featuring ideas and answers to help strengthen your marriage. This morning's segment begins with the "Summer of Celebrity Breakups" and asks if these high-profile breakups mean all marriages are in trouble? Not really says the expert. Northwestern University's professor Eli Finkel.
http://www.today.com/health/3-tips-make-your-marriage-stronger-happier-ever-t40261

Marriages are stronger than ever in some cases. Here are a few examples:

How about a 100 year old couple who have been married 75 years! Congratulations: http://www.today.com/news/100-year-old-couple-celebrates-love-75-years-after-saying-t40396

Celine Dion proves her love by vowing she will take care of her cancer stricken husband until he dies in her arms here: http://www.today.com/health/celine-dion-opens-about-husbands-illness-hell-die-my-arms-t40551

And a couple in Toronto held the grooms funeral on the date they originally intended for the wedding when he lost his long battle with cancer.  http://www.today.com/health/after-dream-ceremony-mans-funeral-held-what-should-have-been-t40356

And people are still getting married (though I hope they are consulting attorneys for prenuptial agreements because sometimes these are needed and many times they create a dialogue that needs to occur.)

Sofia Vergara is getting married and made the cover of several magazines. http://www.today.com/style/see-sofia-vergara-try-gorgeous-wedding-dresses-t40371

Alison Brie and Dave Franco got engaged. http://www.today.com/popculture/alison-brie-dave-franco-get-engaged-mad-men-star-shows-t40591

For so many, Marriage is a lifelong goal. For others, marriage is not so serious. Where do you fit in? If your marriage is in need of help, watch the Today Show this week. Try the advice of professionals. Work as hard at your marriage as you do at your work.

If these ideas are not your idea of the right direction, perhaps it is time to think about divorce and how you get out of a bad situation. Collaborative Divorce works for many families with children, significant assets or PRIVACY concerns. Or, if you just need to know the options, call me.

Chirstmas Week and Chanukah Week, Together Again

Happy Holidays! If that makes you angry, stop reading and find a Blog you will enjoy more!
Happy Chanukah, as my Jewish friends are on day 5 (it began Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at sundown and ends Wednesday, December 24, 2014, at sundown) their holiday runs directly into the Christian Christmas Holiday.

One of the Icons of the Bankruptcy Community in Orlando, Jules Cohen, lost his dear wife of more than 50 years this past week. While Jules is Jewish, his wife is Christian. Their marriage speaks volumes of the ability of people in love to work through problems - even conflicts at the very basis of their beliefs.

Funny how divergent sources can come together for peace. Baptist News Global  included in an email on Friday a Huffington Post article, 36 Things I know after 36 years of Marriage. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/winifred-m-reilly/36-things-i-know-after-36_b_6321032.html?
 
Normally, Baptists and the Huffington Post seem to be from the opposite ends of the spectrum of opinion. Normally, opposites attract, right?
Even then, problems arise. What do you do with problems?
I like these excerpts:

2. Most marital problems are fixable. Really. Even the tough ones.

3. The D word (divorce) is a dangerous weapon. I suggest the F word instead: frustrated. Nobody's heart will be broken if you say, "I'm so FRUSTRATED I could scream!"
13. Marriage is a long negotiation about how two people are going to run things. Money. Intimacy. Parenting. Chores. You can battle, or you can collaborate. Collaboration is a lot more rewarding.

14. Even the most stubborn among us can learn how to yield. Trust me on this one.
36. One of you has to go first. Apologize first. Be vulnerable first. Yield first. Forgive first. Why not let that person be you?

Collaborative Divorce is a "New Thing" in the last 20 years. Still it has taken a LONG time to really gain traction. There is still no "Collaborative Law Statute" in Florida that would assist people in using this method. Collaboration is working together to make decisions that benefit the family - even if the family is separating.

Sometimes the changes people make in their lives require changes in others that others may not be able or willing to make. Freedom necessitates being free to choose to start over. If you need help, call me.

Multiple Wives, Multiple Husbands, Not at the Same Time

The title needs work, but in essence, Should Polygamy be allowed for consenting adults? How should Polygamy be recognized in the Courts? What are the benefits and costs of such relationships?

The New York Times (www.nytimes.com) has a great debate of 6 "experts" comparing their pros and cons in today's online edition. http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2013/12/17/should-plural-marriage-be-legal
 One or two writers are concerned for the rights of women in these multiple relationship marriages, but all writers assume that the multiples will be women and not men. So very sexist.

A Step in the Wrong Direction

W. Bradford Wilcox, the director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and a senior fellow at the Institute for Family Studies, is the author of “Gender and Parenthood: Biological and Social Scientific Perspectives.” He is on Twitter.

Polygamy Is Bad for Women

Shoshana Grossbard is a professor of economics emerita at San Diego State University and a visiting professor of economics at the University of Zaragoza. In 2010, she testified as an expert witness at a constitutional reference case in British Columbia aimed at determining the validity of Canada's polygamy law.

Two writers deftly compare the Gay  Marriage debate with Polygamy:

Enough With the Scare Tactics

John Corvino, chairman of the philosophy department at Wayne State University, is the author of "What’s Wrong With Homosexuality?"

 

Legally, No Different From Same-Sex Unions

Ron Den Otter is an associate professor of political science at Cal Poly San Luis Opisbo.

 

While another is ready to open all doors:

We Are a Nation of Boundary Breakers

Melynda Price is an associate professor at the University of Kentucky College of Law and blogs at Thoughts of an Ivory Tower Interloper.

 

Finally a writer pleads for intelligent debate and compassion with regard to laws that define the most basic human relationships.

Understanding Who ‘They’ Are

Ralph Richard Banks, the Jackson Eli Reynolds professor of law at Stanford Law School, is the author of "Is Marriage for White People? How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone."

 

Of course as a Collaborative Divorce Attorney, I am in favor of Adults making their own decisions with regard to both the making of marriage contracts and the breaking up of same. If you find the discussions above interesting, visit my website, www.aubreylaw.com or drop me an email aubreylaw@gmail.com , or call me at 407-645-3297. I look forward to hearing from you!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is my favorite time of year.
During this holiday, I get to remember everything for which I am thankful and find a few moments with family.
On facebook, I have posted daily regarding those things making me thankful not only this month, but throughout the year. My list includes: A roof over my head, my children, my loving wife, my family and of course my church and friends. Beyond these easy items are: Courts that administer Justice in an impartial manner; elections that allow our voice to determine the direction of our country; the Florida Gators, for all the wonderful things done on the field and off; Free Public Education; Collaborative Attorneys, who make the practice of Law meaningful and fulfilling; Roads; cars; particular friends who invest their time in my life daily; those friends and family that keep in touch even though we haven't seen each other in literally years, and of course, all the soldiers, sailors and airmen who defend our lifestyle daily.
At this time of year, I am especially thankful for clients who allow me to assist them at some of the most difficult times in their lives. Without their faith in my abilities as an attorney, without their trust in my counsel, I would be exhausted trying to survive.
Thanks be to God for all the blessings in my life, now and throughout the year.

Great Resources for Family Law Issues

You can always visit my site at http://www.aubreylaw.com/

If you choose, you can visit the site http://lawyers.com/duckerlaw/

If you visited the Lawyers.com site, you might find an update on current family law issues at:

http://lawyers.com/duckerlaw/FamilyLawNewsletter.jsp

Sometimes a little information can help you to ask the right questions.

What do you want to learn?


The Family Law Newsletter is created and maintained by Lexis/Nexis, one of the leaders in Legal Research Sources. Below are some current excerpts:

Juvenile Litigation with Respect to Institutional Confinement Facilities

There are many juveniles that are confined to public and private institutions. Many of the institutions have deplorable conditions. Juveniles are often held in dingy cells or small, dark rooms and are confined for hours, days, or weeks. Often times juveniles are deprived of exercise, recreational activities and schooling. Sometimes juveniles are even supervised by untrained or inadequate staff as well.More...

Child Custody and Religion

Religion is usually not an issue in child custody proceedings, even if the parents practice different religions. For example, if a child has a Christian mother and a Jewish father, a court will not consider the merits of either religion in determining which parent should have custody of the child. The court will grant custody to one parent, or joint custody to both parents, and the child will be exposed to both the mother's religion and the father's religion.More...

Postmarital Agreements

A postmarital agreement, or postnuptial agreement, is an agreement executed by a husband and wife after they are married. More...

Enforcement of Child Support

When a court enters an order of child support, it orders one party to pay a certain sum of money to another for the support of a child. The person who is ordered to pay is called the obligor. The person who received the payment is the obligee. The amount of child support that is payable is usually based on state law that takes into consideration the number of children for which an obligor is responsible and the amount of income the obligor earns from all sources. More...

Adoption and Safe Families Act - Overview

In 1997, the United States Congress passed the Adoption and Safe Families Act (ASFA). The ASFA was enacted to modify and clarify certain requirements of the Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act, a federal law enacted in 1980, and the Family Preservation and Support Services Act, a federal law enacted in 1984. More...

When Its Over

How do you know when the marriage is truly OVER?

A Few Questions:
Has counseling been attempted, in good faith by both parties?
Has the "objectional conduct" (whether that be financial irresponsibility, adultery, abuse or disrespect) continued despite numerous suggestions, demands, ultimatums, counseling sessions and threats?
Have you put forth every effort to follow the Serenity Prayer?

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Are there things you cannot change that your partner cannot forgive?
Are there things your partner cannot change that you cannot forgive?

If you answer yes to these questions, then it is time for a divorce. Children do not flourish in an environment of discord, anger, mistrust and false security. If you would get divorced but for having children, how does your conflict affect the children?

Most people who call my office either Know their marriage is over, or Want to Know if their marriage can be saved. Unfortunately, Whether their marriage is over or salvageable is one question they have to answer for themselves. If you are looking here for the answer, call me and lets discuss the situation. I'll try to help You find the right answer for You.

Happy Anniversary Baby, Got You on my Mind

21 years ago, I married Laurie. We dated for more than a year and were engaged more than 9 months. At the time, I was a sailor in the U.S. Navy; she was an attorney at the lawfirm of Maguire, Voorhis and Wells in Orlando. I do not know the secret to a happy marriage; in reality I have learned more about marriage from the couples I counsel in Divorce cases. Many petty squabbles will doom any marriage not based in Mutual Love and Respect. Marriage is in fact a Partnership. Both parties must give. How much? Not 50/50. Each party must give 100% effort to the cause for a marriage to last. Even then, health concerns later in life can strain even the best marriage. Practicing in Elder Law and Family Law has allowed me to work with people who after 40, 50 and even 60 years have decided to end their marriage. This truly puts my 21 years into perspective. That said, I love you, Laurie.