I didn't mean to Scare you!

"Congratulations, you are officially Divorced!" I said to my client.

"Thank you, you are Awesome," she said. (Really, that is what she said!)

"I am so glad we were able to get this done so quickly," I replied.

"Well after you scared me that first day, I did not have any unrealistic expectations and we could just get it done."

I really did not mean to Scare my client. I have always prided myself on being direct and honest with clients so they know what to expect from the Divorce Process and from the court system. I really don't want to scare anyone. Sometimes, clients come in my door having talked to not only other lawyers, but to friends and family who "know what to expect" and know "all the tricks in the book." Unfortunately, what is heard from your friend about their divorce may be colored and biased by their experience. They may feel the need to project unusual success or even put upon martyrdom. All the stories may in fact NOT be completely true.

Common myths include:

"My divorce only cost $250."

"I didn't have to pay a penny in alimony/child support."

"My wife/husband got the kids, the house, and all my money."

"My husband/wife tried to get the kids just to force me to settle for less."

"I never get to see my kid's, their father/mother keeps them from me."

"My divorce cost us more than $100,000."

"Our attorneys were the only ones happy after our Final Judgment."

When your friends tell you these things, you really have to ask more questions and compare their life experience and marriage to your own before setting up your expectations.

Divorce filings cost $408.00 in all Florida courts. What your attorney charges is determined by many factors including time, experience, complexity, and most importantly, who is on the other side of the litigation.

Whether you have to pay Alimony or Child Support is entirely driven by the family situation inlcuding many different factors: length of marriage; number of children; earning ability of each party; lifestyle, and most importantly, what you are willing to accept or pay, just to name a few.

Negotiation over child custody, what we now refer to as "Timesharing," is remarkably direct. Who is best able to care for and keep the children? Who has done so consistently in the past? When one parent wants to "claim the children" as a negotiation ploy, it is imperative that the court be fully informed. A Guardian Ad Litem or GAL is essential to fully inform the court and make sure the children are represented both at the bargaining table of Mediation or in court. Parents who would use the children as pawns in a game, are not good parents, and GAL's are adept as seeing through people's behaviors to their motivations and goals.

If your divorce costs too much money, ask yourself who is causing the excess expenses? Even the most complex divorce can be handled in a reasonable amount of time and for a reasonable fee by seeking out attorneys who do not set up unreasonable expectations which must then be met or attempted. Collaborative Divorce is a great idea for those with very complex situations as it brings all decision makers to the table routinely, rather than filing, and waiting, and responding and waiting, and hearing, and waiting, etc.

If you have questions regarding Divorce, Child Support, Collaborative Divorce, Alimony, Spousal Support, Custody, Timesharing or any other Family Law matter, please visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com or call me at 407-645-5264. I will be happy to review your situation with you and most of all, I will try not to "scare" you! Aubrey

Welcome Back

Recently someone said, "Aubrey Ducker, why haven't you updated your blog in a while?"

She continued, "I was looking forward to your answer to a Family Law Question! What happens when a child decides she wants to go live with her father? I have been taking care of her for the past 8 years, without any help! Now that she is 12, her father is encouraging her to stay at his house more and more. He gives her everything she wants and I'm the one who has to make her do homework, study for tests, clean her room, etc. . . "

You can see where that is going! If only children would remain under our control and direction! Unfortunately, they decide right or wrong that they want to decide what is "best for them" rather than listening to some old people who didn't even have facebook when they were young. Have you been through this? I have! With my own children and with many, many clients!

It is never fun to lose control!

Then there are the Elder Law questions: How can I make sure my children don't argue about who gets what? That question is so much better than the corallary promise, "My children won't argue about it. They would never go to court to challenge ___________________as the Personal Representative."

Funny how many times I hear that and how many times I see adult children wanting nothing more than to "tell it to the Judge" regarding the actions of their sibling as Power of Attorney or Personal Representative.

Talk about losing control.

You may have read in the papers, (do you actually read the Newspaper anymore?) the Florida Legislature is trying to balance the budget by cutting into court funding. Removing funding for the Guardian Ad Litem program and other "services" that to legislators seem "unnecessary" is no way to protect the bottom line in Florida. The services being cut may save a few dollars this year, but in the years to come, those savings will be offset by enormous costs associated with unmet needs in disfunctional families. The results may be increased incidence of domestic violence, child abuse, neglect or more violent crimes.

Please encourage your representatives to look to fair funding principles. When corporations like GE have NET profits in the range of $14.7 Billion, and pay less than 1 million in taxes, something in the tax structure is way out of whack. Cutting spending to make the budget work, while corporations pay next to nothing in taxes harms all citizens, especially the most vulnerable. Maybe I should write more often so I could break this up into several Blog posts. I'll try that next time.

Peace.

Busy Weeks! And this is Summer!

Wow, I have been very busy lately: All day trial as a Guardian Ad Litem; half day trial to a magistrate on Child Support Enforcement; half day trial on Domestic Violence to have an injunction disolved; meetings to establish guardianships for adults, children with developmental disablilities soon to be adults; meetings with clients arrested and charged under Arizona-law like immigration issues, and many meetings to figure out how to stop a Mortgage Foreclosure case where the Bank acted improperly.

As to Domestic Violence: Do Not Touch. If you find yourself in a situation where the other party refuses to listen, touching them will not help their ears to work! Sounds kind of funny, but is deadly serious. If you are touched without your consent, call the police, File a report, seek an injunction, tell the truth. When in court the judge asks if you ever argue with your spouse, remember, it takes two to tango, and argue. Its OK to disagree. Its not OK to force your partner to agree, listen, share, play, etc.

If you are owed child support, the Florida Department of Revenue will enforce your child support order. Inquire at the courthouse. Take your final judgment and child support order and Anna Tangel-Rodriguez will help you (in Orange County, Florida). If someone owes child support you are doing no favors by ignoring it. Driver's Licenses can be revoked, their right to work can be impacted, Tax Refunds can be seized, they can be sent to jail, but only if you let the court know of the missing child support. I meet people every week who are living hand to mouth because they don't want to be the bad guy enforcing child support. Your Children Deserve Better!

Guardianships can be very tricky, very costly, and very necessary. In fact, when guardianships are most needed they are usually most expensive. Acting early to intervene in your elder family member's life may save much heartache down the road. Taking action today can save many problems tomorrow. A Durable General Power of Attorney may obviate the need for a guardianship, saving substantial funds in the process.

Probate avoidance is not difficult with proper advice and representation. Updating beneficiary statements with the bank or insurance company can avoid probate saving thousands of dollars in fees. Transferring title to real estate while retaining a Life Estate or through the use of a "Lady Bird Deed" can help avoid probate as well. Call an attorney if you have questions.

I am available at 407-645-3297, or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Great Resources for Family Law Issues

You can always visit my site at http://www.aubreylaw.com/

If you choose, you can visit the site http://lawyers.com/duckerlaw/

If you visited the Lawyers.com site, you might find an update on current family law issues at:

http://lawyers.com/duckerlaw/FamilyLawNewsletter.jsp

Sometimes a little information can help you to ask the right questions.

What do you want to learn?


The Family Law Newsletter is created and maintained by Lexis/Nexis, one of the leaders in Legal Research Sources. Below are some current excerpts:

Juvenile Litigation with Respect to Institutional Confinement Facilities

There are many juveniles that are confined to public and private institutions. Many of the institutions have deplorable conditions. Juveniles are often held in dingy cells or small, dark rooms and are confined for hours, days, or weeks. Often times juveniles are deprived of exercise, recreational activities and schooling. Sometimes juveniles are even supervised by untrained or inadequate staff as well.More...

Child Custody and Religion

Religion is usually not an issue in child custody proceedings, even if the parents practice different religions. For example, if a child has a Christian mother and a Jewish father, a court will not consider the merits of either religion in determining which parent should have custody of the child. The court will grant custody to one parent, or joint custody to both parents, and the child will be exposed to both the mother's religion and the father's religion.More...

Postmarital Agreements

A postmarital agreement, or postnuptial agreement, is an agreement executed by a husband and wife after they are married. More...

Enforcement of Child Support

When a court enters an order of child support, it orders one party to pay a certain sum of money to another for the support of a child. The person who is ordered to pay is called the obligor. The person who received the payment is the obligee. The amount of child support that is payable is usually based on state law that takes into consideration the number of children for which an obligor is responsible and the amount of income the obligor earns from all sources. More...

Adoption and Safe Families Act - Overview

In 1997, the United States Congress passed the Adoption and Safe Families Act (ASFA). The ASFA was enacted to modify and clarify certain requirements of the Adoption Assistance and Child Welfare Act, a federal law enacted in 1980, and the Family Preservation and Support Services Act, a federal law enacted in 1984. More...

Who are you

I am a divorce lawyer in Winter Park, Florida. This is my first blog, but don't let that fool you. I am routinely published in Christian Ethics Today reviewing books related to the topic. My website is www.aubreylaw.com