Let's try to work without argument

When you receive an email, does it make you sweat? If an ex-husband sends an email, do you just hate to read it? When your ex-wife sends a text message, does your pulse and blood pressure go up dramatically?

Communication with a former spouse can cause all manner of physical impacts. Blood pressure and heart palpitations are certainly extreme examples, but what can you do when you are required to communicate with a former spouse about the children and it really is difficult?

Inevitably, you will offer to pick up the children at 4 and he insists it be 5:30. You offer to feed the children dinner and she insists she has already prepared their meal. Sometimes there was a good reason you got divorced in the first place, and the ongoing communication necessary to coparenting is difficult.

In divorce, communications may stray from the business at hand to rehashing old arguments, lobbing the same tired insults, or making the same veiled threats that began the process initially.

Sometimes the problem is not communication, but many urgent emails and text messages demanding answers ASAP! What do you do when you receive 5 emails before you have even read the first one? Or, you change plans based on one email only to have a followup email request a different plan.

Try this: Send an email saying, "From now on I will read all emails from you at 4:30 p.m. To the extent I can respond, I will; however, if you choose to insult, threaten or otherwise abuse the privilege I will stop reading and will simply forward to my attorneyfor a response to your attorney. Please send only important communications regarding our children. Thank you for your understanding." By setting ground rules for communication, many problems can be avoided. Additionally, if abuse via email is attempted, your attorney is the best person to address the problem.

Remember, if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always received.

If you have questions, Please call me at 407-645-3297, visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com or send an email to: aubrey@aubreylaw.com

Aubrey Ducker

The Law Offices of

Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr. PLC

2020 Mizell Avenue

Winter Park, FL 32792

www.aubreylaw.com

Fla. Bar No.: 173680

Phone: 407-645-3297

Fax: 407-645-3298

I look forward to hearing from you.

Collaborative Law in Orlando and Winter Park

July 15 and 16, I attended the Interdisciplinary Collaborative Law Training at the University of Florida Levin College of Law. While I relish any opportunity to return to law school, this trip was particularly helpful. Co-Sponsored by the Institute for Dispute Resolution and the Center on Children and Families, the Gainesville Collaborative Divorce team spent two full days reviewing the Who, what, when and where, as well as the hows and whys of Collaborative Divorce.

For almost 12 years as an attorney, I have always tried to work in a cooperative way with other lawyers. I find little is solved by acrimonious debate as harsh litigation tends to prolong litigation and impoverish the parties more than solve the issue at hand. While I have always tried to be cooperative, I have never been "officially" trained as a "Collaborative Attorney."

Not anymore. There are new tools in the shed. There are many more choices when considering divorce. Ask yourself, what is best for my family?

In law school at the University of Florida, Dean Richard Matasar stressed the collaborative process as a way to make the practice of law more fulfilling to attorneys. Many of us got into this practice because we want to help people; unfortunately, for many people, divorce is the most disagreeable practice in law. Dean Matasar taught many of his students that you don't have to be disagreeable when your opinion differs from the other side of the courtroom. Following his example, I have always tried to work with opposing counsel in a cooperative manner. Since completing the training program this summer, I am now officially trained in Collaborative Law practice.

I look forward to offering this new service in Collaborative Law in Divorce cases, as well as Guardianship cases. The Collaborative Process allows the parties to work out their issues with a trained professional, usually a Mental Health Counselor, a financial professional trained in divorce accounting and valuation, a mediator if necessary and two collaboratively trained attorneys, rather than litigating and leaving ultimate decisions to the Judge.

While the above listing of professionals involved may sound expensive at first blush, most participants in a collaborative divorce will agree that the process itself is more healing and conducive to protecting the parent to parent relationships necessary when children are involved. Also, in a litigated divorce, most professionals (Valuation, Accounting and Mental Health) will be duplicated as each side employs their own "hired guns" to best present their case. The Experts hired by each side will inevitably argue and reinforce their own opinions rather than working with all parties to facilitate a mutually beneficial result.

Collaborative Law may not be for everyone, but for many families with children, the process allows the parents to work out the best interests for their children rather than leaving it all up to the judge.

If you have questions, call me at 407-645-3297, or send an email to: aubrey@aubreylaw.com

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thankfulness is Appreciated

I received a Thank you Note several years ago which said:

Each and every day . . . I am more and more astonished that I have found such a perfect place to work.

I've had to work at a few horrible jobs and tolerate a few terrible bosses throughout the years . . .

I've also had wonderful jobs and caring employers, but . . .

it is the rare thing to find a place where one feels respected, understood, trusted and appreciated.

It is even more unusual to find a place where I can be myself and still be accepted.

Truly extraordinary is to have all those things and more, and enjoy the work, as well.

I just wanted you to know that I am happier here than I have been at any job . . . ever.

I just wanted you to know . . .
that I know how fortunate I am and that I am grateful . . . for everything.

Obviously, this came from an employee. She was with me for more than three years and I always appreciated her hard work, although I probably never said "Thank you" enough.

I am trying to thank all my clients, especially those who so frequently call me to refer a friend. It is a dear compliment to have one client refer more clients. I am always thrilled when my mentors,other attorney friends and even judges refer business my way; this lets me know they think highly of my work and are willing to trust their friends and family to my care.

I am truly blessed with wonderful friends. Thank you.

If we haven't spoken in a while, call me at 407-645-3297, or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

The Church of Facebook - Review

Look for my review of The Church of Facebook in the Spring 2011 issue of Christian Ethics Today. You can also subscribe to Christian Ethics Today by going to this website: http://www.christianethicstoday.com/

Recently a client came to my office after having litigated for more than a year trying to secure custody of his children. While he was represented by a well-known attorney in the Orlando area, he was disappointed that his case had not been resolved in such a long time. I had to tell him two things:
1. Selection of an attorney is the most important part of any family law case. There are many attorneys with various personalities and work ethics. Certainly price is one consideration, but it should not be the only consideration.
2. Sometimes status quo is the best you can do; pushing for a final resolution may be detrimental to your case. Unfortunately, giving the other side time to screw up may be the best you can do.

When you go to select an attorney, interview several. If necessary, pay a consultation fee so that you get a clear picture of the attorney's philosophy of practice. Then you can know you are hiring an attorney who will look out for your best interests and take on your priorities.

International Travel with Children

Who wants to go to France? How about South Africa? Dubai? The Bahamas? Are you Divorced? Sharing time with your child?

Consider: A client living in Orlando, wants to take her three young children to the Bahama's for the weekend. Its her visitation weekend, does she have to tell their Father? Does she have to get consent or permission? Can he say NO!

International travel with children can be a Problem if both Parents do not consent or approve the travel.

Really, how many parents would abduct their children and take them to a foreign country? Even one is too many.

The Children's Passport Issuance Alert Program, CPIAP, is very helpful.

As the New York Times reported, many countries require notarized written permission of the other parent when traveling alone with a child.

The Department of State, http://travel.state.gov/ has great information for keeping your child safe.

www.myfamilytravels.com is also a great site for information helpful to traveling families.

Welcome Back

Recently someone said, "Aubrey Ducker, why haven't you updated your blog in a while?"

She continued, "I was looking forward to your answer to a Family Law Question! What happens when a child decides she wants to go live with her father? I have been taking care of her for the past 8 years, without any help! Now that she is 12, her father is encouraging her to stay at his house more and more. He gives her everything she wants and I'm the one who has to make her do homework, study for tests, clean her room, etc. . . "

You can see where that is going! If only children would remain under our control and direction! Unfortunately, they decide right or wrong that they want to decide what is "best for them" rather than listening to some old people who didn't even have facebook when they were young. Have you been through this? I have! With my own children and with many, many clients!

It is never fun to lose control!

Then there are the Elder Law questions: How can I make sure my children don't argue about who gets what? That question is so much better than the corallary promise, "My children won't argue about it. They would never go to court to challenge ___________________as the Personal Representative."

Funny how many times I hear that and how many times I see adult children wanting nothing more than to "tell it to the Judge" regarding the actions of their sibling as Power of Attorney or Personal Representative.

Talk about losing control.

You may have read in the papers, (do you actually read the Newspaper anymore?) the Florida Legislature is trying to balance the budget by cutting into court funding. Removing funding for the Guardian Ad Litem program and other "services" that to legislators seem "unnecessary" is no way to protect the bottom line in Florida. The services being cut may save a few dollars this year, but in the years to come, those savings will be offset by enormous costs associated with unmet needs in disfunctional families. The results may be increased incidence of domestic violence, child abuse, neglect or more violent crimes.

Please encourage your representatives to look to fair funding principles. When corporations like GE have NET profits in the range of $14.7 Billion, and pay less than 1 million in taxes, something in the tax structure is way out of whack. Cutting spending to make the budget work, while corporations pay next to nothing in taxes harms all citizens, especially the most vulnerable. Maybe I should write more often so I could break this up into several Blog posts. I'll try that next time.

Peace.

Happy New Year 2011

Happy New Year!!!

Did you make any New Year's Resolutions?

This is a time when many people set out to change their life; whether that means changing budgetary finance issues, dietary health issues, life philosophies, or problem solving techniques, I wish you the very best.

I recently reviewed The 10 Commandments of Common Sense, by Hal Urban. What a great guide for life transformation! As you know, Common Sense is in many cases quite uncommon!

1. The past three years have given many people new perspectives of financial issues, and consumer spending. People have begun using Layaway plans, and Christmas Club accounts again. As a child, I used a Layaway Plan at Kmart to purchase a Green Machine, the hot toy for kids one year. After only 4 months, I had worked to earn the 31.50 plus tax to get the toy out of the store. I rode my Green Machine for many months, then sold it at a yard sale.

Remember Yard Sales? I have been recommending those to clients quite frequently. How much stuff do we really need. Donations to Good Will, the Salvation Army, and other recyclers is a side benefit of spring cleaning which I want to start sooner rather than later. Donations to charities also help the bottom line at tax time if you keep good records of gifts and values.

Remember Visa? MasterCard? American Express? How much are you using those plastic perils? I have heard from so many people that they no longer carry a credit card other than their banks own debit card for purchases. If they need to borrow to spend, they are rethinking the spending and planning other avenues of support.

2. I signed up to run the New York City Half Marathon. I have run several in the past and need to get back into distance running shape. Eating right and exercise provide benefits for life that far outweigh the temporary happiness found in a bowl of ice cream or extra juicy Pittsburgh Style rib eye. Oops, now my mouth is watering.

3. My life philosophy has always been to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. Call me a Christian, I am not offended. I am also not pushy. For me, I find the Holy Bible to be full of truth and also suggestive of consequences. As a member of the Board of Directors of Christian Ethics Today, I enjoy finding new ways to serve God.

4. Problems solving techniques are really central to my work as an attorney. My favorite technique is merely Anti-procrastination. If you can do it today, why wait til tomorrow? Another is to learn all you can so you can consider more than one solutions to a problem. Time is a precious gift, and its wise use is central to living a life well.

When you have a legal issue this year, I hope you will call me. I can help find a solution or alternative course of action. When issues arise with aging parents, Elder Law Attorneys have great experience dealing with the common issues, and uncommon advice for the truly bizarre issues. Family Law practice centers on Divorce and making sure the needs of children are met. Please call me when you would like to discuss options for your life.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! This has been a year of firsts, lasts and never mores!
Firsts included:
A personal best in the House of Hope Run Around the Pines 5K, followed by breakfast at my house served for many friends who also ran the race.
Scalloping around the Crystal River/Homosassa Gulf Coast. After the Deep Horizons explosion caused an Oil Spill (Hopefully Last and Never more) in the Gulf of Mexico, the State of Florida opened the Scalloping season early to ensure the maximum harvest possible prior to any potential oil contamination. My best description of Scalloping is a great underwater Easter egg hunt! Snorkeling in 5 to 25 feet of water watching for scallops may sound boring to many people, but I assure you, the first time you pick one up and find two or five more within arms reach, and the one begins snapping and swimming toward you, YOU WILL BE HOOKED! Unfortunately, when you clean your 5 gallons of scallops and realize only one meal's worth of result, you may be a little disappointed. However, the next time you order scallops in a restaurant, you might find a greater appreciation for their size and plumpness!
Finally, my brother and his wife had their First Child, a son, in October. I fear October may have signaled my parents' Last visit to Florida for a while! A new child brings all the wonder and potential of the world to bear on the family. I pray they will enjoy every possible happiness!
Once again, I look back over the year and see blessings I did not deserve, and trials I thought were undeserved! The richest blessings of all are the many friends I have been fortunate to encounter, some daily, some once in a lifetime. At Christmas I try to reflect on all these gifts and remember to say Thank you.
May God Richly Bless You this Season.
If you have need of an attorney, please do not hesitate to call me. 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Happy Birthday to My Son

Words are inadequate to express the love of a father for his only son. In my son, I see all my hopes and dreams, yet I cannot help but acknowledge the fears and regrets as well. For all the times I was too busy to play his game, or watch his TV show, or play legos, or build forts, I will be forever sorry. But for all the things I have taught him over the years, for all the days we have explored National Parks, Hiked Trails, Swam in Springs, Climbed Mountains, visited Stadiums, and so many more places, I will be forever thankful.

J.R. took my highschool name as his own several years ago. I have to admit I almost cried when at a wrestling match, a cute girl yelled for him during warmups. Today, my baby is 16, and I feel older than dirt.

Forgive me not writing more, but I am off to let him drive me around on several errands to visit clients and deliver special documents.

Happy Birthday.

Election Day - GO VOTE!!!