When people want a divorce there are several questions they must consider, the How's, When's Where's, Who's, Why's and What's.
How to tell the spouse? How to tell the children? How to tell the rest of the family? How to go about filing a divorce?
When should I tell my Spouse, children, family, and friends? When should I move out or insist my spouse move out? When should I find a job? When should I consult an attorney?
Where should I live? Where should my children live? Where should we file the divorce?
Who should get an attorney? Who should represent me? Who should know what?
Why do I want a divorce? Why should I stay? Why should I care about all these questions??????
Finally, the What's!
What is the law applied to my case? What do I do if . . .? What will my spouse do? What will everyone think? What will happen to all our savings? What will happen to the china cabinet mom gave me and all its contents we have accumulated? What do I do with my wedding ring?
You want Answers? The Court wants answers. The Courts want answers to Alimony and Child Support. Who will pay and How Much? The Courts want to know who is going to pay attorney's fees. Courts will decide who gets the High Assets or valuable Personal Property. The Court can decide what to do with the Marital Home. There is an easier way!
That is a long list of questions with very few easy answers! Some of the questions I would ask are:
How much time do you want to devote to court proceedings?
When do you want all this to be completed?
Where do you want to end up after all is finalized by the court?
Who will win/lose or decide?
Why does anyone have to let the Judge Decide?
What do you want to happen with your children? Of course my questions are directly related to a Collaborative Divorce, in which the Husband and Wife make all the decisions about the Property, Assets, Timing, and living situations, and the Mother and Father make all the decisions about the children. Some people think this is a Radical idea. Others believe that two people who could not get along well enough to remain married Cannot Possibly Get Along well enough to decide what is best for their family. I Disagree. From years of practice, we in the Collaborative Practice community have witnessed the most intractable situations turn out with everyone in agreement to a reasonable outcome.
Attorneys who are not committed to the collaborative practice and merely offer it alongside their mainly Litigation Practice, do no favors to their clients. Litigated cases are almost always significantly more expensive than Collaborative Cases. Further, Collaborative cases allow you to decide the timeframes for completion. You are not forced to work at the court's convenience, rather, your time schedule is of paramount importance.
Finally, you get to make the decisions affecting your family. By negotiated agreement you and your spouse will decide all issues. That is a radical idea. Call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com or visit the Collaborative Family Law of Central Florida website at www.cfl-cfl..org
Investigate the questions. Get answers to your questions. You have the Power!
Showing posts with label Custody; child custody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Custody; child custody. Show all posts
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I didn't mean to Scare you!
"Congratulations, you are officially Divorced!" I said to my client.
"Thank you, you are Awesome," she said. (Really, that is what she said!)
"I am so glad we were able to get this done so quickly," I replied.
"Well after you scared me that first day, I did not have any unrealistic expectations and we could just get it done."
I really did not mean to Scare my client. I have always prided myself on being direct and honest with clients so they know what to expect from the Divorce Process and from the court system. I really don't want to scare anyone. Sometimes, clients come in my door having talked to not only other lawyers, but to friends and family who "know what to expect" and know "all the tricks in the book." Unfortunately, what is heard from your friend about their divorce may be colored and biased by their experience. They may feel the need to project unusual success or even put upon martyrdom. All the stories may in fact NOT be completely true.
Common myths include:
"My divorce only cost $250."
"I didn't have to pay a penny in alimony/child support."
"My wife/husband got the kids, the house, and all my money."
"My husband/wife tried to get the kids just to force me to settle for less."
"I never get to see my kid's, their father/mother keeps them from me."
"My divorce cost us more than $100,000."
"Our attorneys were the only ones happy after our Final Judgment."
When your friends tell you these things, you really have to ask more questions and compare their life experience and marriage to your own before setting up your expectations.
Divorce filings cost $408.00 in all Florida courts. What your attorney charges is determined by many factors including time, experience, complexity, and most importantly, who is on the other side of the litigation.
Whether you have to pay Alimony or Child Support is entirely driven by the family situation inlcuding many different factors: length of marriage; number of children; earning ability of each party; lifestyle, and most importantly, what you are willing to accept or pay, just to name a few.
Negotiation over child custody, what we now refer to as "Timesharing," is remarkably direct. Who is best able to care for and keep the children? Who has done so consistently in the past? When one parent wants to "claim the children" as a negotiation ploy, it is imperative that the court be fully informed. A Guardian Ad Litem or GAL is essential to fully inform the court and make sure the children are represented both at the bargaining table of Mediation or in court. Parents who would use the children as pawns in a game, are not good parents, and GAL's are adept as seeing through people's behaviors to their motivations and goals.
If your divorce costs too much money, ask yourself who is causing the excess expenses? Even the most complex divorce can be handled in a reasonable amount of time and for a reasonable fee by seeking out attorneys who do not set up unreasonable expectations which must then be met or attempted. Collaborative Divorce is a great idea for those with very complex situations as it brings all decision makers to the table routinely, rather than filing, and waiting, and responding and waiting, and hearing, and waiting, etc.
If you have questions regarding Divorce, Child Support, Collaborative Divorce, Alimony, Spousal Support, Custody, Timesharing or any other Family Law matter, please visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com or call me at 407-645-5264. I will be happy to review your situation with you and most of all, I will try not to "scare" you! Aubrey
Monday, August 15, 2011
Let's try to work without argument
When you receive an email, does it make you sweat? If an ex-husband sends an email, do you just hate to read it? When your ex-wife sends a text message, does your pulse and blood pressure go up dramatically?
Communication with a former spouse can cause all manner of physical impacts. Blood pressure and heart palpitations are certainly extreme examples, but what can you do when you are required to communicate with a former spouse about the children and it really is difficult?
Inevitably, you will offer to pick up the children at 4 and he insists it be 5:30. You offer to feed the children dinner and she insists she has already prepared their meal. Sometimes there was a good reason you got divorced in the first place, and the ongoing communication necessary to coparenting is difficult.
In divorce, communications may stray from the business at hand to rehashing old arguments, lobbing the same tired insults, or making the same veiled threats that began the process initially.
Sometimes the problem is not communication, but many urgent emails and text messages demanding answers ASAP! What do you do when you receive 5 emails before you have even read the first one? Or, you change plans based on one email only to have a followup email request a different plan.
Try this: Send an email saying, "From now on I will read all emails from you at 4:30 p.m. To the extent I can respond, I will; however, if you choose to insult, threaten or otherwise abuse the privilege I will stop reading and will simply forward to my attorneyfor a response to your attorney. Please send only important communications regarding our children. Thank you for your understanding." By setting ground rules for communication, many problems can be avoided. Additionally, if abuse via email is attempted, your attorney is the best person to address the problem.
Remember, if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always received.
Communication with a former spouse can cause all manner of physical impacts. Blood pressure and heart palpitations are certainly extreme examples, but what can you do when you are required to communicate with a former spouse about the children and it really is difficult?
Inevitably, you will offer to pick up the children at 4 and he insists it be 5:30. You offer to feed the children dinner and she insists she has already prepared their meal. Sometimes there was a good reason you got divorced in the first place, and the ongoing communication necessary to coparenting is difficult.
In divorce, communications may stray from the business at hand to rehashing old arguments, lobbing the same tired insults, or making the same veiled threats that began the process initially.
Sometimes the problem is not communication, but many urgent emails and text messages demanding answers ASAP! What do you do when you receive 5 emails before you have even read the first one? Or, you change plans based on one email only to have a followup email request a different plan.
Try this: Send an email saying, "From now on I will read all emails from you at 4:30 p.m. To the extent I can respond, I will; however, if you choose to insult, threaten or otherwise abuse the privilege I will stop reading and will simply forward to my attorneyfor a response to your attorney. Please send only important communications regarding our children. Thank you for your understanding." By setting ground rules for communication, many problems can be avoided. Additionally, if abuse via email is attempted, your attorney is the best person to address the problem.
Remember, if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always received.
If you have questions, Please call me at 407-645-3297, visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com or send an email to: aubrey@aubreylaw.com
Aubrey Ducker
The Law Offices of
Aubrey Harry Ducker, Jr. PLC
2020 Mizell Avenue
Winter Park, FL 32792
Fla. Bar No.: 173680
Phone: 407-645-3297
Fax: 407-645-3298
I look forward to hearing from you.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Divroce and Child Custody (Timesharing in the 2010 era)
When a couple divorces, their children often feel the pain.
Parents may be relieved, but the children can experience greater loss than the parent may appreciate. Justifications, such as, "they will be better off not having all the fighting in the house" seldom compensate for the loss of the other parent in the home.
For Teens, the loss includes supervision and observation, for younger children, feelings of security and comfort.
Of course there are exceptions. When the marriage and home life has been marked by domestic violence, fighting, inconsistencies, disparate treatments, etc. the children may be as relieved as the parents that the decision to separate has Finally been made.
In Florida we no longer discuss "Custody" or "Primary Residential Responsiblity" with regard to who will most parent the children. Now we use the term Timesharing. The parent with the Majority of the timesharing is not the Custodial Parent. That is the person with the child physically at any given time. What a confusing world.
Lets make it as easy as possible: Both parents Share Parental Responsibility. When the child is with dad, dad is the custodian. When the child is with mom, she is the custodian. The Timeshare each parent has is related to what portion of each week the child spends with that parent. Alternating Weekends is still the "fallback" minimum visitation Timeshare used most often by the courts.
When you have questions, call an attorney who understands these concepts. Selecting an attorney who is familiar with the recent changes to the Florida Statutes will help you ensure your rights are honored and decisions respected. Call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
I am ready to assist you.
Parents may be relieved, but the children can experience greater loss than the parent may appreciate. Justifications, such as, "they will be better off not having all the fighting in the house" seldom compensate for the loss of the other parent in the home.
For Teens, the loss includes supervision and observation, for younger children, feelings of security and comfort.
Of course there are exceptions. When the marriage and home life has been marked by domestic violence, fighting, inconsistencies, disparate treatments, etc. the children may be as relieved as the parents that the decision to separate has Finally been made.
In Florida we no longer discuss "Custody" or "Primary Residential Responsiblity" with regard to who will most parent the children. Now we use the term Timesharing. The parent with the Majority of the timesharing is not the Custodial Parent. That is the person with the child physically at any given time. What a confusing world.
Lets make it as easy as possible: Both parents Share Parental Responsibility. When the child is with dad, dad is the custodian. When the child is with mom, she is the custodian. The Timeshare each parent has is related to what portion of each week the child spends with that parent. Alternating Weekends is still the "fallback" minimum visitation Timeshare used most often by the courts.
When you have questions, call an attorney who understands these concepts. Selecting an attorney who is familiar with the recent changes to the Florida Statutes will help you ensure your rights are honored and decisions respected. Call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
I am ready to assist you.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Why Attorney's Try
I had a call today from a man who wants to see his child. Unfortunately, the last time the man saw his child, Police were taking him away to jail on charges of domestic violence. Three weeks later, should all be forgotten?
Sometimes it is better to take a little time to make sure a situation will not recur. Courts can and will use a Timesharing Parenting Plan to establish a routine for the child to ensure the parents have little opportunity to fight or argue.
Now why would an attorney say, "Wait one more week to see your child?"
Because, despite years of jokes and news items almost daily of attorneys acting in their own interests, many of us want to see children raised in the safest possible environment.
When domestic violence is present in the home, DCF, the Department of Children and Families can move in to take the children from the home and place them in foster care. I do not want any children taken by the state and placed in foster care. There are far too many for which this reality is unavoidable.
In cases where attorneys are involved from the start, many times unpleasantness can be avoided or minimized to prevent things escalating to a point where the State has an Obligation to Protect the children by removing them from the home.
If you find yourself in a violent home, call me at 407-645-3297, I will make every effort to assist you.
Visit my website at http://www.aubreylaw.com/ and learn more about me and the services provided by my firm.
WE PROTECT CHILDREN.
No child should have to see his or her parent harmed, especially by the other parent.
Sometimes it is better to take a little time to make sure a situation will not recur. Courts can and will use a Timesharing Parenting Plan to establish a routine for the child to ensure the parents have little opportunity to fight or argue.
Now why would an attorney say, "Wait one more week to see your child?"
Because, despite years of jokes and news items almost daily of attorneys acting in their own interests, many of us want to see children raised in the safest possible environment.
When domestic violence is present in the home, DCF, the Department of Children and Families can move in to take the children from the home and place them in foster care. I do not want any children taken by the state and placed in foster care. There are far too many for which this reality is unavoidable.
In cases where attorneys are involved from the start, many times unpleasantness can be avoided or minimized to prevent things escalating to a point where the State has an Obligation to Protect the children by removing them from the home.
If you find yourself in a violent home, call me at 407-645-3297, I will make every effort to assist you.
Visit my website at http://www.aubreylaw.com/ and learn more about me and the services provided by my firm.
WE PROTECT CHILDREN.
No child should have to see his or her parent harmed, especially by the other parent.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
How to Be a Good Parent
In court today, Judge Munyon ( Ninth Circuit, Orange County, Domestic) noted that Good Parents are on time to pick up their children. This got me thinking, what other qualities do Good Parents Share?
1. GP's Cooperate for their children. They work together, recognizing that Children need Stability.
2. GP's NEVER Disparage the other Parent. Parents should Never disparage, or allow to be disparaged, the other parent, in the child's presence. Not speaking ill of the other parent is a good idea for avoiding divorce, as well as dealing in and after divorce. Speaking ill of another says more about the speaker than the target.
3. GP's Cooperate With Their Children. Work with your children to show them Why. Why do I have to clean my room? Because I want it clean. Because I said so. Because . . . how about because a clean room helps you get ready in the morning, helps you find your toys when you want to play, helps you be healthier (use a vacuum to show all the dirt and grime that stays on the floor of even a clean room - how much more filth in a messy room). Answering the Why's in life helps children understand the world around them much more than "Just do as you're told" ever helps them get along in life.
4. GP's give their children time, in quality. I hear people say, "its quality not quantity that counts" but I disagree. A Quantity of Quality time makes good parents out of children.
5. GP's provide for their children. Not because a court order says to provide child support, but because good parents provide for their children. So many college graduates tell of parents working two jobs to send them to school. That Schooling and example lead to a life of Working to better deserve the Good Parents.
6. GP's Always let their children know they are Wanted and Loved. Even when the children are bad, don't eat their veggies, don't share their toys, etc. Good Parents know the difference between Loving Children and approving actions. GP's do this by example. GP's treat others the same way they teach their children to treat others. Teaching by Example that Lying is bad, Sharing is Good, Work is Good, Language is important, Doing what you say is more important that saying too much.
1. GP's Cooperate for their children. They work together, recognizing that Children need Stability.
2. GP's NEVER Disparage the other Parent. Parents should Never disparage, or allow to be disparaged, the other parent, in the child's presence. Not speaking ill of the other parent is a good idea for avoiding divorce, as well as dealing in and after divorce. Speaking ill of another says more about the speaker than the target.
3. GP's Cooperate With Their Children. Work with your children to show them Why. Why do I have to clean my room? Because I want it clean. Because I said so. Because . . . how about because a clean room helps you get ready in the morning, helps you find your toys when you want to play, helps you be healthier (use a vacuum to show all the dirt and grime that stays on the floor of even a clean room - how much more filth in a messy room). Answering the Why's in life helps children understand the world around them much more than "Just do as you're told" ever helps them get along in life.
4. GP's give their children time, in quality. I hear people say, "its quality not quantity that counts" but I disagree. A Quantity of Quality time makes good parents out of children.
5. GP's provide for their children. Not because a court order says to provide child support, but because good parents provide for their children. So many college graduates tell of parents working two jobs to send them to school. That Schooling and example lead to a life of Working to better deserve the Good Parents.
6. GP's Always let their children know they are Wanted and Loved. Even when the children are bad, don't eat their veggies, don't share their toys, etc. Good Parents know the difference between Loving Children and approving actions. GP's do this by example. GP's treat others the same way they teach their children to treat others. Teaching by Example that Lying is bad, Sharing is Good, Work is Good, Language is important, Doing what you say is more important that saying too much.
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