What Makes a Great Marriage? What Makes a Better Divorce?

Saw a Blog today that listed 7 traits of a Great Marriage. It was very interesting, especially the part about not living on leftovers (not food but time)
You can read it here: http://davewillis.org/7-traits-that-separate-good-marriages-from-great-marriages/

As my office was being cleaned this past weekend, I found a copy of The Great Divorce, by C.S.Lewis. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Divorce
THIS IS NOT A BOOK ABOUT DIVORCE!!!!
It is a religious book about the difference between Heaven and Hell. I enjoyed it and continue to paraphrase its ideas.

What I really want to do is combine these two works. A Great Marriage can come to an end for many reasons. It doesn't have to be a Bitter Fight. Sometimes over 20 years people just grow up differently. The saying goes:
                                "A Man marries a Woman hoping she will never change.
                                                              A Woman marries a Man hoping to change him.
                                                                                              They are Usually both wrong."

I prefer Collaborative Divorce because it allows for growth and change while maintaining and in many cases improving the lines of communication that Must Remain Intact when children or grandchildren are involved. How nice when parents can work together on their only Daughter's wedding without becoming the sideshow or headache of the affair.

If you have questions about Collaborative Divorce, Call me! 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
I look forward to speaking with you!

What does a Top Tier Divorce Lawyer Offer?

The Top Ten List is here: http://tmagazine.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/09/27/power-of-10-the-secrets-of-an-a-list-divorce-attorney/?src=rechp

If you want to see how I measure up, visit my website www.aubreylaw.com or just call me: 407-645-3297.

Question: Do you have to pay Sisters who care for Mom and Dad as they grow older?

In Elder Care we often use home health aids whether trained or untrained. A new law scheduled for implementation January 1 of 2015 requires these workers be paid under federal minimum wage guidelines.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/24/opinion/home-care-in-the-home-stretch.html?src=rechp

Attention Veterans: Many are Available to Help

I am a veteran. If you are too, you should check out this website:

http://www.veteransaidbenefit.org/

 

Do you know about Veterans Aid and Attendance benefits?

visit: http://www.veteransaidbenefit.org/aid_and_attendance_pension_benefit.htm

 

The VA is trying to help, many people are also trying to help.

 

VA Launches Incentive to Increase the Dollar Benefit for Disability Claims

On August 1, 2013 the Department of Veterans Affairs division of Veterans Benefits Administration announced a substantial two year-long incentive for veterans filing claims under the new fully developed claim system.  This initiative takes effect on August 6, 2013 and runs through August 5, 2015.  For first-time claims for disability compensation – using a fully developed claim – VA will grant an additional year of benefit, if the claim is successful.  According to Thomas Day, chief training officer of the Senior Veterans Service Alliance, this is a substantial incentive to use fully developed claims.  Mr. Day used an example of a veteran rated at 60% disability who would normally receive $12,312 in his first year of an award under the traditional claim procedure but who could receive $24,624 in his first year of an award using the fully developed claim process.  Mr. Day also pointed out that for attorneys or agents who assist with appeals, this example may result in up to an additional $2,462 in fees for that attorney or agent who successfully represents the veteran using a fully developed claim depending on whether the incentive also applies to fully developed claim appeals.

The Department of Veterans Affairs announced this week that Veterans filing an original Fully Developed Claim (FDC) for service-connected disability compensation may be entitled to up to one-year of retroactive disability benefits. The retroactive benefits, which are in effect Aug. 6, 2013, through Aug. 5, 2015, are a result of a comprehensive legislative package passed by Congress and signed into law by President Obama last year.

"VA strongly encourages Veterans to work with Veterans Service Organizations to file Fully Developed Claims and participate in this initiative, since it means more money in eligible Veterans' pockets simply by providing VA the information it needs up front," said Allison A. Hickey, Under Secretary for Benefits. "At the same time, it helps reduce the inventory of pending claims by speeding the process."
Filing an FDC is typically the fastest way for Veterans to receive a decision on their claims because Fully Developed Claims require Veterans to provide all supporting evidence in their possession when they submit their claims. Often, this is evidence that VA legally must attempt to collect on the Veteran's behalf, which is already in the Veteran’s possession, or is evidence the Veteran could easily obtain, like private treatment records.
When Veterans submit such evidence with their claims, it significantly reduces the amount of time VA spends gathering evidence from them or other sources -- often the longest part of the claims process. While VA will still make efforts to obtain federal records on the Veterans' behalf, the submittal of non-federal records (and any federal records the Veteran may have) with the claim allows VA to issue a decision to the Veteran more quickly. Typically, VA processes FDCs in half the time it takes for a traditionally filed claim.
FDCs can be filed digitally through the joint, DoD-VA online portal, eBenefits (www.ebenefits.va.gov). VA encourages Veterans who cannot file online to work with an accredited Veterans Service Organization (VSO) who can file claims digitally on Veterans' behalf. While submitting an FDC provides a faster decision for any compensation or pension claim, only Veterans who are submitting their very first compensation claim as an FDC are potentially eligible for up to one-year of retroactive disability benefits under the newly implemented law.
FDCs help eliminate VA's claims backlog because they increase production of claims decisions and decrease waiting times. Also, VA assigns FDCs a higher priority than other claims which means Veterans receive decisions to their claim faster than traditional claims.
VA continues to prioritize other specific categories of claims, including those of seriously wounded, terminally ill, Medal of Honor recipients, former Prisoners of War, the homeless and those experiencing extreme financial hardship. As part of its drive to eliminate the claims backlog in 2015, VA also gives a priority to claims more than a year old.
In May, VA announced a new partnership with Veterans Service Organizations and others known as the "Community of Practice," an effort that seeks to reduce the compensation claims backlog for Veterans by increasing the number of FDCs filed by Veterans and their advocates.
VA is continuing to implement several initiatives to meet the Department’s goal to eliminate the claims backlog in 2015. In May, VA announced that it was mandating overtime for claims processors in its 56 regional benefits offices to increase production of compensation claims decisions through the end of FY 2013. In April, VA launched an initiative to expedite disability compensation claims decisions for Veterans who have a waited a year or longer
As a result of these initiatives, VA's total claims inventory remains at lower levels not seen since August 2011. The number of claims in the VA backlog – claims pending over 125 days – has been reduced by 17 percent compared to the highest point in March 2013.
Veterans can learn more about disability benefits on the joint Department of Defense—VA web portal eBenefits at www.ebenefits.va.gov, and the FDC program at www.benefits.va.gov/fdc.

 

In August, the Government Accountability Office (GAO ) released the details of its investigation of accreditation practices of the Department of Veterans Affairs' Office of General Counsel. Accreditation allows attorneys to assist veterans in applying for claims, and is regulated by the DVA-OGC. No one may assist a veteran in the preparation, presentation or prosecution of a claim for veterans benefits without this  'Accreditation' authority.  Four senators responsible for veteran’s issues commissioned the report from the GAO – which was highly critical of the oversight provided by the Office of General Counsel in granting accreditation authority and in administering ongoing accreditation requirements as well as the handling of complaints relating to individuals who are or who are not accredited.

The GAO report recommends the DVA-OGC should address the following concerns:
1. Ensure appropriate level resources to implement the accreditation program, including options for utilizing other VA components and resources outside of OGC.
2. Strengthen initial and continuing knowledge requirements for accreditation representatives.
3. Enhance communications with claimants, including reports of complaints related to their representation. Explore options for incorporating information about representation and veterans’ rights into existing communications and outreach efforts.
4. Address potentially abusive practices by representatives who lack accreditation, charge inappropriate fees, or sell financial products to claimants that are not in their best interest. VA should consider additional authority for such practices and to enforce program rules.

VA generally concurs with the GAO that these issues need to be addressed and in some cases the department will be taking corrective action to provide better oversight. Of particular concern to accredited attorneys and accredited agents at this point are the following actions that VA may initiate in the near future.

• Doing a better job of conducting background investigations for applications for accreditation from attorneys and agents.
• Working through the current backlog of yearly certifications of good standing and taking corrective action towards those who are not in good standing or who have not submitted their certification.
• Working on a solution to notify agents and attorneys who are deficient in completing CLE to provide proper notification and follow-up action. VA does keep track of those individuals completing CLE but does not notify those who are deficient. In addition VA does not notify or identify anywhere on its website those individuals who have submitted CLE or acknowledge compliant completion of their training.
• Looking at better training for attorneys and agents in order to make them more effective in representing claimants. A major complaint about attorneys and agents is that most are deficient in the knowledge to adequately handle all types of claims. Veterans service organizations, in particular, complain about the number of claim questions they regularly receive from accredited attorneys and accredited agents.
• Coming up with a better system of notifying claimants of their right to complain about representation and about the unlawful charging of fees. VA will most likely pursue congressional legislation to put teeth into its ability to punish accredited individuals who are not compliant and go after non-accredited individuals who are taking advantage of veterans.

Everyone should be aware that the Office of General Counsel generally recognizes that attorneys can charge a pre-filing consultation fee that is related to a claim but is not a part of the preparation, presentation and prosecution of a claim. The OGC allows that any accredited attorney or agent may charge a fee for any services not related to assistance with a claim. Of course, accredited attorneys and accredited agents can charge a reasonable fee for assistance after a notice of disagreement has been filed or if they are engaged for a fee to provide an initial claim by a disinterested third-party. Claim representatives of veterans service organizations are absolutely prohibited from charging any fee of any kind.

 

 

What is Domestic Violence? Definitions Change!

Wow, that is a Loaded Question!
Years ago movies routinely included scenes of a woman becoming distraught and "needing" a slap on the face to "snap out of it."

Thankfully, we live in a different society! Physical violence to enforce your will is NEVER acceptable. Even Vladimir Putin said in a recent New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/) op-ed, "We must stop using the language of force and return to the path of civilized diplomatic and political settlement." http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/12/opinion/putin-plea-for-caution-from-russia-on-syria.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

Darrel Owens' article in today's Orlando Sentinel's detailed the 50 year marriage of Randy and Sharon Berridge. http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/columnists/orl-darrylowens,0,3266830.columnist
The title, "Couple so Happy Together after 50 years" is sweet enough, but a disturbing first three paragraphs detail the time Randy pulled the distributer cap out of the car to prevent his wife fleeing the marital home. While the very next line indicates the couple laughed about it, such action today might be considered Domestic Violence!
What a change in 50 years.

Wikipedia (www.wikipedia.org) defines "Domestic Violence" as "a pattern of behavior" involving intimate or family relations taking many forms, "including physical aggression or assault (hitting, kicking, biting, shoving, restraining, slapping, throwing objects, battery), or threats thereof; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; controlling or domineering; intimidation; stalking; passive/covert abuse (e.g., neglect); and economic deprivation. . . Domestic violence and abuse is not limited to obvious physical violence. Domestic violence can also mean endangerment, criminal coercion, kidnapping, unlawful imprisonment, trespassing, harassment, and stalking.^[5]"

The "Happy Couple" of yesterday fits the electronic world definition of Domestic Violence. Thankfully they were able to talk about their disagreements without resort to legal intervention.

Also thankfully, the limited story in the Sentinel might not meet the Florida Definition of Domestic Violence. The Florida Statutes define domestic Violence according to Section 741.28: Domestic Violence "means any assault, aggravated assault, battery, aggravated battery, sexual assault, sexual battery, stalking, aggravated stalking, kidnapping, false imprisonment, or any criminal offense resulting in physical injury or death of one family or household member by another family or household member, and includes, in Section 741.402, a threat of these, regardless of whether they have been reported to law enforcement.  http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&Search_String=&URL=0700-0799/0741/Sections/0741.28.html
http://www.leg.state.fl.us/Statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&Search_String=&URL=0700-0799/0741/Sections/0741.402.html

The Civilized Diplomatic and Political Settlement in areas of Family Law comes through Mediation and Collaboration. Collaborative Divorce removes threats by promoting reasoned analysis and solution.

If Domestic Violence is a part of your life and you want it to stop, call me at 407-645-3297. I may be able to help in ways you have yet to consider.

Please visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com for more information and links regarding Divorce, Child Support, Alimony, Equitable Distribution, and many other topics. I am an Attorney, licensed in Florida, practicing in the areas of Collaborative Divorce, Elder Law, Family Law, and Guardianships. I have helped numerous husbands, wives and families seek a fresh start.

Dividing Assets in Divorce

Who gets what when you get divorced? This is one of the questions most people think about when the topic of divorce comes up. The Answer? Equitable Distribution.

Equitable is not always Equal. Dividing up marital assets and deciding who has to pay which debts can be rather tricky, especially since the real estate crash. Beginning in 2007 and continuing until last year, many homes fell in value. Some Marital Homes lost more than 60% of their pre-crash value. Over 2013 we have begun to see reversals and many homes are once again gaining value and in some cases Equity. Is this the right time to file for Divorce? Call me at 407-645-3297 to set a time to discuss your particular situation. You can always visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Dividing Equity can usually be done either by trading other assets, including retirement accounts or buying out the other party's interest. Of course you know Equity is that portion of the value of the home that you own, that value above the mortgages. For example: A $250,000 home with a mortgage of $180,000 and a Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC) of $20,000 would have Equity of $50,000. Were the owners to sell the home and divide the equity they could each receive $25,000 (Of course this assumes two owners, and no selling costs).

Equitable Distribution begins to get more complicated when the home is "underwater" owing more in mortgages than the actual value of the home. Owing more than a home is worth may lead parties to consider a "Strategic Default."

For example, someone who purchased their home in May, 2007, may owe more than twice what the home is worth. Home values in the Orlando area hit their peak according to Zillow.com (www.zillow.com) between May 2006 and August 2007. A home in the 32801 zip code purchased in May 2007 for $225,000 could be worth as little as $114,000 today due solely to market forces. Who is willing to pay the $200,000 mortgage still owing on the home that is worth so little today.

Strategic Default http://schott.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/26/strategic-defaults/ is the homeowners plan to default on the mortgage and stay in the home as long as possible, rent free, until the foreclosure is completed and the bank forces them out. The New York Times had this to say about Strategic Default.   http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/10/magazine/10FOB-wwln-t.html   You might think this is an awful thing to do, but the Home Mortgage Bankers Association did the same exact thing in Washington DC.  http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2011/02/04/mortgage-groups-old-building-flipped-for-a-profit/

When homeowners face foreclosure, the extra stress can lead them to consider divorce as one alternative. If you are facing divorce, call me or visit my website www.aubreylaw.com

I will be here to help.

Happy Labor Day!

Since I will not be in the office on Monday, I wanted to wish you all a Happy Labor Day!

Of course the protests going on Thursday, detailed in the New York Times here: http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/29/marching-at-mcdonalds-for-a-15-wage/?hp
As you probably know, the Labor in Labor Day celebrates those that make the country prosperous. The WORKERS of America have always been the backbone to our greatness.
For the history as written more than a century ago, look here: http://query.nytimes.com/mem/archive-free/pdf?res=F3091EFD3E5911738DDDA80B94D0405B828CF1D3
 A few years later, Samuel Gompers, the President of the American Federation of Labor, the AFL in our current AFL-CIO, penned this: http://query.nytimes.com/mem/archive-free/pdf?res=F30612F7355D16738DDDAD0894D1405B808DF1D3

When workers are abused, mistreated and underpaid, Unions begin to look pretty good. The Unions negotiated wonderful employment packages for the Steel Industry, the Auto Industry, and many others that formed the backbone or our manufacturing society right up until the "Union busting 80's" came along and encouraged opposition to unions at all levels of society. You may recall the Air Traffic Controllers' strike that Ronald Reagan oversaw as President of the United States. When he fired all the air traffic controllers, their union was done. Later free trade agreements allowed U.S. industry to move overseas without paying any import duties. The work force in other countries does not have the history of union organization that protects their poorest workers.

Of a more recent vintage: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/09/06/opinion/06mon2.html

Finally, from a school assignment come these questions:

–What does “union” mean?
–Why would an employee want to join a union?
–Why might some employers discourage their employees from joining a union?
–What different types of workers’ unions exist?
–What laws regulate the workplace, and why were they instituted?
–What events in history have illustrated the need to identify and protect the rights of workers?
–How might workers in a union voice that they do not like some of the things happening at a workplace?
–What might happen if a worker in a union goes against a union decision, such as working during a strike?
–How has the development of unions affected the United States economy?
–What issues still exist in the workplace that unions might want to change?

How you answer these questions says as much about your background as it does about the future of our great country.
Have a Happy Labor Day. If you need assistance with legal issues such as Collaborative Divorce, Elder Law, Family Law, or Guardianships, call me or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

I love the New York Times

Recently on a trip to New York City, I had the opportunity to see a baseball game. The Yankees were NOT in town as is so often the case when I am in NYC, so as I always do, I went to a METS game. The Mets colors match my Florida Gators and they had a promotion going on where you could get a free Jersey for subscribing to the New York Times. The Jersey was Black, with orange and blue trim. My Winter Park High School Wildcats team colors are Black and Orange, the same as my son's school, Tusculum College. Win the Trifecta of Spectator Apparel!

The cost of subscribing to the New York Times was only $17 per month, less than 1/4 of the price of the jersey in the store. Win again!

Now, I get the Sunday NY Times each weekend. I get the daily electronic version http://www.nytimes.com/ of the paper on my computer each day. Win Again!

Best of all, I really Love the New York Times. The articles are well written, informative and in depth. For example, in my Elder Law practice, I often deal with grandparents who have lost touch with their children and grandchildren. An opinion piece today, related one person's experience with similar situations. http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/08/28/forgetting-grandma/ Elders can always find additional assistance with the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, NAELA, and in Florida, Florida Academy of Elder Law Attorneys.
Some stories appear just entertaining but as you read them you notice so much more and learn more than you ever planned to consider. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/28/fashion/weddings/divorce-whisperer-mediating-with-parents-isnt-easy-field-notes.html

A story just two weeks ago really set me thinking about my Family Law practice. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/10/your-money/from-a-divorce-in-the-affluent-class-lessons-for-all.html?pagewanted=all In high asset divorces, the emotional impact may be the same as others, but the financial wrangling can overwhelm parties who are accustomed to little worry over daily finances. I have worked to promote Collaborative Divorce in my area of practice and today saw the benefit first hand as my client walked into court, answered a question from the judge and walked out with her divorce 20 minutes later. Yes, we had filed the case 60 days ago. Yes, there were other meetings between the parties and their attorneys. Yes, there were many complex papers to complete; however, for the clients, we removed most of the stress of being in court and having others decide what would become of their lives. The Clients were the only ones making decisions about their family. The Lawyers, the Judge, the System did NOT decide who got what or paid how much to whom.

Even a simple search on the New York Times finds support for the Collaborative Process. http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/#/Collaborative+divorce/ More than 30 articles appear, and the list keeps growing, showing the financial, psychological and Family benefits of Collaborative Divorce. Every now and then, I am truly proud of what we do in helping families improve their lives.

I love spending just a few minutes reading the paper each day. Now I have to be careful not to get caught up in following one great article after another in the NY Times. If I can be of assistance to you or your family, please call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Parental Alienation Syndrome -Seminar Sunday- Real Enough for Canada

Every week or so I get an email from the Parental Alienation Awareness Organization, PAAO, with resources for families experiencing Alienation by one parent. Sometimes the information includes very helpful links to outlines ( http://www.paawareness.org/video/BrianLudmer-Short%20.pdf, )seminars (https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/484691638) , etc.

Sunday August 25, PAAO is hosting an online webinar regarding Parental Alienation entitled: Organize Your Own Court Case.
The Seminar link is https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/484691638.

I recommend NOT attempting your own litigation in a complex divorce case involving Parental Alienation. The risks are just too high.
Child Custody, or Timesharing as we refer to it in Florida is a critical component of your child's development.
Timesharing also impacts Child Support. It never fails in a Modification Case seeking additional timesharing that the party against whom the pleadings are filed believes the
Many people don't consider the implications on Child Support when they work out their Parenting Plan.
If you have Questions, Call Me! 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Adultery, Blasphemy, Christians and Divorce

A, B, C, D, E, F, G . . . elemenope . . . If only Life were as simple!

A client came to my office recently and told me that her "Christian" mother had called her an Adulterer and kicked her out of the house. We filed her divorce several weeks ago and she was living with her mother following domestic violence in her marital home. Unfortunately, her mother feels she should simply endure the violence because "what God hath brought together, let no man put asunder," to quote the traditional wedding vows blessing.

Blasphemy is defined as either an untruth or taking god's name in vane. I consider using "Christian" language in decidedly unchristian manner as a form of Blasphemy. Obviously her mother was referring to Matthew 5:31, 32 (It was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.)When someone says, "I want a Christian Attorney." I usually reply, "No you do not." or "I don't think you do." If you wanted a Christian Attorney, you would settle with your adversary far from the courthouse as Jesus himself instructed in other verses in Matthew. "If anyone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two." You can do your own research at https://www.bible.com/bible/100/mat.5.nasb

Christians sometimes tend to view Jesus' words as being important. They are, but must be placed in context of the Roman Empire and the Province of Judea where Jesus lived and taught. Roman law allowed a man to put away his wife by divorce for any reason. Women had no such right to seek a divorce as they were mere chattel to be bought or sold by their fathers. Men could divorce their wives, but women could not, even for domestic violence, adultery, neglect, abandonment, etc. Since Women were tied to their father, husband, or son, they were destitute without such patriarchal support.

Divorce has been around for more than 3,000 years, but a Woman's Right to sue for divorce is quite new. Today in Florida, the only reason needed for a marriage is "the Marriage is Irretrievably Broken." When a spouse physically abuses and violates his or her "true love" how can the marriage survive?

Every now and then I see a story in the news that makes me want to help. Some friends have put together a seminar on Domestic Violence. Associated Baptist Press reporter Bob Allen writes: American Baptist Women’s Ministries will lead an online “virtual mission encounter” on the topic of domestic violence Sept. 23-27.
“Garlands instead of Ashes: Domestic Violence” is the third of four learning opportunities in 2013 allowing women to meet online and share their passion for mission without the expense of travel and having to take time off work. http://www.abpnews.com/culture/social-issues/item/8786-domestic-violence-focus-of-virtual-tour#.UhYEYTbD-M8
No person should be forced to live with an abuser, and especially not for "Christian reasons."
 
If Domestic Violence is a part of your life and you want it to stop, call me at 407-645-3297. I may be able to help, even if I don't like the phrase "Christian Attorney." You can also visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com for more information and links regarding Divorce, Child Support, Alimony, Equitable Distribution, and many other topics. I am an Attorney, licensed in Florida, practicing in the areas of Collaborative Divorce, Elder Law, Family Law, and Guardianships. I have helped numerous husbands and wives seek a fresh start.