1629 Miles for Thanksgiving

This year for Thanksgiving, we drove to Signal Mountain, just outside Chattanooga, Tennessee, to spend the holiday with my family. My parents still live on a farm there and my brother and his wife had their second child, a boy, the Thursday before Thanksgiving. I planned to cook the traditional Turkey, dressing and cranberry salad at my mother's then take dinner to my brother and his family in the valley.

Just before we left for the trip, my wife learned of her college roommate's mother's passing in Greenville, Tennessee, about 3 1/2 hours north of Chattanooga. Since we were also planning to drive to Durham, NC for the Duke v. Miami game, we made the detour for the funeral. This meant Four days of driving over a 6 day holiday weekend. We left Florida Tuesday evening and made it almost to Macon, Ga., before spending the night. Waking up in Cordell, we drove most of the morning to reach Tennessee; however, just before leaving Georgia, we stopped for lunch at my sister's house for lunch with her and her 3 wonderful children. Later that afternoon, we finally arrived at my Grandfather's farm on Signal Mountain. The evening centered on making the oyster dressing and cranberry salad with groceries brought from Florida.

Thanksgiving Day, I spent most of the morning walking around the farm after putting the turkey in the oven to roast. Mom, Dad and I surveyed the back fence lines and tried to find one corner so we could put the final fence up between my mom's property and that sold to a new owner. After we ate lunch, my brother finally arrived with his 2 year old son, so Andy and I walked the fence lines again to verify proper markings corresponded to the deeds issued by the probate court. After it got dark, Andy took dinner home to his wife and baby, and we planned to follow to get a look at the newest Ducker. Unfortunately, as we went to get in the car, I realized I did not have my keys. Fearing I had dropped them somewhere over the miles of fence line I had traversed today, all woodsy and briar filled, I was rather apoplectic. Thankfully my wife found the keys right where I had dropped them in our room.

On Friday morning, we left about sunup to drive to Greeneville for the funeral. My wife's college roommate's mother had been living in Greeneville, Tennessee, to be near one daughter who could take care of her to prevent having to go to an assisted living facility or nursing home. Ironically, the funeral occurred at Tusculum Baptist Church, across the street from Tusculum College, one of the schools my 17-year old is considering. We drove around before the funeral taking in the beautiful campus and sports facilities.

I'll have to write more tomorrow! If you need assistance in selecting an attorney in the Central Florida area for a Collaborative Divorce, Elder Law, Family Law, Guardianship or other question, please call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

Thanks, Aubrey

Football Season Starts Tonight

The Winter Park Wildcats take on East Ridge at Showalter Field at 7 p.m. The game was moved up due to Hurricane Irene. Families working together for years get to see the first efforts of their children on the field as they Cheer for the Team or Play on the Field.

Unfortunately, there will be some children whose parents cannot put aside their differences and attend the event without causing great stress to everyone else involved. You know the type, all they do is talk about how bad the other parent is. Why do people think that the world wants to know the "hell" they endured being married? Please do your child a favor. Do not disparage your former spouse in any way that the child can know. If you take the high road, perhaps the other party will abandon the low road as well.

I personally know parents who will attend tonight's game and sit in the stands very close to their former spouse without any hint of conflict. I know parents who will work together in the concession stand or on the field to support the team even though they could not stay together in their marriage. I applaud these efforts.

Many other people will be watching the game while thinking of their own parents, relatives or friends who are diabled by age, dementia, alzheimers, or other problems. These parents may not know there is help available. Please reach out and ask questions. There are resources available and people who know how to access those resources for your benefit.

If I can help, please call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com

I look forward to hearing from you.

Family Reunion in Tennessee

This past weekend, I drove 24 hours round trip to Tennessee to see my family. The family, distant relations, cousins and friends most of whom I had not seen since I last attended this reunion 25 years ago, was described by one of the 55 year 'friends' as the Nicest family she has ever known. What a Joy. Sharing stories of long ago loves, courtships, children, pranks, jokes, dances, murders, drunkeness, abandonment, the list grows longer, but the stories are told again. The family is described in two different books and its is likely that every person who traveled the Cumberland Gap road between 1796 and today has been impacted by the Snoderlies, Cranks, Bollingers, Onks, Eubanks and others who make up this delightful bunch.

This family has its share of unpleasant issues and complications. One Great-grandmother is cared for by a grandson, though her son or daughter could also provide the care. The family as a whole abhors nursing homes due to an incident of elder abuse in the 70's that proved no care is like family care.

Divorces are evident with second spouses and questions of first wives, children with differing last names, even one divorced couple that still attend because they both love all these people so much.

The Chidren were incredible. No fighting, just playful banter between long lost friends who have never met, but because their parents said they are cousins must be glad to see each other.

One family was restored many years ago after a newborn boy was given up for adoption. An ad in a geneological magazine led the family to find him and learn they had lived within 20 miles of each other for the past 40 years.

Pickin guitars, and singing songs late into the night while negotiating for just a taste of homemade peach wine, kept us up til all hours, but noone was too tired to be pleasant.

On the whole, and by all individual parts, I would not trade this weekend for anything.

Rest and Relaxation - Vacation or Respite Care

Everybody needs a break. I just returned from a very busy vacation. Although it included a couple of telephonic hearings and several face to face meetings with attorneys in Tennessee, as well as a three day convention in Charlotte, NC, I returned refreshed!

In only 7 working days out of the office, I returned with new energy. Sometimes work is so overwhelming, we need to step back and let others take the reins while we ride along enjoying the view. My very capable staff managed to address all the client issues that arose in my absence without having to trouble me with calls and emails of any urgent nature.

For many of my clients caring for their aging parents or disabled children, vacations and time away are almost impossible. Although caring for aging parents can tax a person beyond their comprehension, sometimes the caregivers may not even recognize how truly exhausting their job can be. Many do not think others are willing or capable to provide the care; some may simply feel no one else will do the job, or do the job correctly.

Respite care is used to provide care for the caregiver. Most Assisted Living Facilities have programs to allow seniors in need of care to stay for a few days or even weeks to allow the caregivers the time to unwind and relax on vacation. In home healthcare providers also can provide the necessary down time to caregivers when the invalid is unable to leave the home for any reason.

In my own life, my mother took care of my paternal grandmother for 8 years until just before her death in 1987. During that time, I only remember one time she was away from home for more than 24 hours. Although my father had 8 siblings, no one offered a break.

My mother again was the caregiver and took care of her own father for more than 5 years until his death in 2008. In that time, her sister provided two separate vacations of 1 week each when she provided care for her father. Again, siblings seldom see the needs or offer the support so necessary to provide care to disabled parents. More often than not, the love and affection that spurs such care is ignored in the Will or asset allocations of statutes.

If you are in need of assistance, call me. My number is 407-645-3297 and I will be happy to help you. Either by pointing you to resources in your area, or by assisting in setting up your own will so the people providing the care needed are not trampled in the rush to divide the assets after your death, I help people every day to solve some of life's most pressing issues.

www.aubreylaw.com has many Frequently Asked Questions and other resources to provide you needed information.

Take Care of Yourself

Much has been written about the "Sandwich Generation" - those caught between caring for their children while simultaneously caring for their parents. Many people feel the crunch of time and demands and forget that while caring for others, the caregiver also needs care.

Balancing a full-time job with child care is exponentially more difficult when aging or incapacitate parents enter the mix. Children may not understand having to be second or even third on the list when Grandpa or Grandma requires precedence. Family stress compounds when siblings are pressured to provide care without compensation because it is "more convenient" due to proximity to the marital or parental home. When Fathers and Mothers become the burden, HELP IS AVAILABLE!

Please look to community resources for counseling and assistance. If you find yourself overwhelmed with caring while being forgotten, give me a call. Aubrey Ducker, 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.floridaguardianattorney.com