Friday, April 19, 2019

The WHY and HOW of Conscious Uncoupling


Amazon CEO, Jeff Bezos’ net worth of $137 Billion led to the National Enquirer putting out pictures and notes about his affair. The Divorce proceedings were remarkably less “in the news.” In fact, the only public notice came when settlement was entered awarding his wife more than $37 Billion, and the couple wishing each other long and happy lives as they go their separate ways.  Actress and Goop Founder, Gwyneth Paltrow made “Conscious Uncoupling” an interesting addition to our lexicon, but then Ben Afleck and Jennifer Garner separated in a mutually admirable way and people ask how?
Divorcing partners are increasingly asking about Collaborative Divorce, even if they do not know that proper term. People say, “I don’t want to fight; we still want to be friends,” or “We both really want what’s best for the children.” So what is Collaborative Divorce? The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals says this: Collaborative Divorce is a voluntary dispute resolution process in which parties settle without resort to litigation.
Locally, the collaborative attorneys work through a process encouraging the parties to sign a collaborative participation agreement describing the nature and scope of the matter; to voluntarily disclose all relevant or material information necessary for decisions, and to agree to use good faith efforts to reach mutually acceptable solutions. Each party has a lawyer or “coach” whose representation terminates upon resort to any contested court proceeding, Litigation. The parties also engage professional Neutrals in areas of mental health and finances to administer the Collaborative process. The parties may jointly engage other experts as needed to help them explore all available options for a mutually agreeable uncoupling of their lives. By providing the support and guidance of many years of professional training and experience, Collaborative Professionals help the parties to complete their divorce without going to court to have a judge decide what is “right” for their family by encouraging  the  use of child and financial specialists all working together on a team.
·         After many years of “No Fault” Divorce, Collaboration began to allow people to negotiate a mutually acceptable resolution without having courts decide issues. Collaboration maintains open lines of communication and encourages information sharing. These allow the parties to create shared solutions acknowledging the highest priorities of all.
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·         Whether Collaborative Divorce is right for you will depend on many factors; however, seasoned professionals who have practiced for many years observing thousands of divorces are turning to  Collaboration in increasing numbers.
Uncoupling or ending any long-term relationship is a sensitive and personal matter. No single approach is right for everyone; however, there are alternatives and many couples find Collaborative Divorce to be a welcome alternative to the often destructive, and usually very expensive aspects of courtroom litigation.
How to decide?  If the following values are important to you, Collaborative Divorce is likely to be a workable option for you:
·         I want us to communicate with a tone of respect.
·         I want to prioritize the needs of our children.
·         My needs and those of my spouse/partner require equal consideration, and I will listen objectively.
·         I believe that working creatively and cooperatively resolves issues.
·         It is important to reach beyond today’s frustration and pain to plan for the future.
·         I can behave ethically toward my spouse/partner.
·         I choose to maintain control of the divorce/separation process with my spouse/partner, and not relegate it to the courts.
If this approach reflects your own thinking, I suggest you talk to a Collaboratively Trained Divorce Lawyer about your own situation. A Collaborative professional can help you decide if Conscious Uncoupling is the right alternative for you and your family.

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