What do you do After you divorce?
Stumbled on a great article for lawyers titled, "Getting on Track Financially After Being Derailed by a Divorce: Lifestyle, Personal Finance, Practice Management"
Of course the average person getting a divorce may not need quite the same planning considerations, or so they think!
Realities are remarkably similar. If a person getting a divorce plans well for the future, the impact to their life can be mitigated. Consult with an investment advisor as to financial needs post-divorce is one way to plan early for Alimony and Child Support needs, and one way to plan for the end of alimony and child support in your particular case.
No one expects child support to last beyond age 18, well Almost No One! Some parents feel child support should continue throughout college even if the child is Not living at home. High Expectations in Divorce lead to extremely difficult cases. Mediation is virtually impossible when one party has expectations that are so far out of reason the other party gives up before they even come close in negotiation.
When the parties begin too far apart, the mediator cannot be expected to bridge the gap in a minimal court required mediation. (This is one reason I always recommend Collaborative Law to my clients.)
If one former spouse wants to continue a life of relative ease while the other is forced to work well past retirement, one side may say, "why negotiate? Let the court decide."
Once you give up control to a third party, whether it be the Judge, or your attorney, or your former spouse, regaining control of your situation may appear impossible. Always remember, Nothing is Impossible; some things are just more difficult than others. Where parties have been married for a long time, patterns of conduct may have grown that are hard to break free; a good attorney can guide you into positive decisions. Rather than reacting to your spouse, you can direct the negotiation by following the guidance provided. Whether your spouse follows your lead is entirely up to them, but so long as you move toward final resolution in a planned and coordinated effort, the end result can be achieved. (Again, Collaborative Law begins and ends with the Clients making all Decisions.)
If you need assistance, do not be afraid to ask. You must make the effort. You have the power to take control of your situation. Better to work now During the Divorce, than to worry later about what might have been. Call me today: 407-645-3297 or visit my website: www.aubreylaw.com
Oh, that link for What to do After Divorce:
http://legalinkmagazine.com/2014/09/getting-on-track-financially-after-being-derailed-by-a-divorce/
Showing posts with label complex divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complex divorce. Show all posts
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
A Divorce Lawyer's Advice on Marriage
How long have you been married? 25 years. I used to answer that question, "13 years, but it feels like forever." I was not meaning an insult, simply stating that I felt like I had always been with my wife. Strange then that I ended up ending marriages for profit. I don't actually end the marriage, I just do the paperwork, and get the court's approval.
The New York Times (www.nytimes.com) had two articles leading up to Valentines' Month that really hit on the issues of marriage, especially Long Term Marriage.
The first, Does Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex, compares the division of chores and the division of income to find a prosperous balance of work while maintaining sexual stereotypes of work division. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/magazine/does-a-more-equal-marriage-mean-less-sex.html
Both funny and illustrative, the article comes up with the following proper division for pure marital bliss: The risk of divorce is lowest when the husband does 40 percent of the housework and the wife earns 40 percent of the income.
Wish I had known that before I got engaged! My wife was an attorney when we met, and I was a Sailor. Not the romantic type on a yacht or sailing ship, the enlisted type, E-3. The difference in our incomes was quite staggering. Thankfully, after putting me through college and law school, my wife continues to practice, and our incomes greatly changed. I don't know how to divide housework, but I like doing most of the cooking. I prefer to do the 'man jobs' as well, but she routinely takes out the trash or takes the rolling carts to the street.
Daniel Jones, editor of Modern Love writes another article, Good Enough? That's Great! listing several types of people and problems with long term marriages, some of which might lead to awards of alimony, unequal equitable distribution and many other problems during a litigated divorce. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/02/fashion/good-enough-thats-great.html
"Those Who Sneak," as Jones calls them, are the primary pool of potential clients of most attorneys. We all know someone who is just one phone call, text or picture away from a nasty divorce fight. Of course they are the 'quiet victim' in their own mind. The philanderers, cheaters, letches and creeps follow stereotypes that prove the rule. When I hear women say, "all men are dogs" or "he just can't keep it in his pants" I am seldom sympathetic.
Then there are the people Jones refers to as the Quashers.
Quashers suppress their feelings of slights in order to keep their little world safe. Don't upset him. Don't make her angry. Just get over the feelings of anger, hurt, humiliation and fear. It won't happen again, until it does, and once again, they will quash their own feelings, desires, emotions to keep the family safe.
Finally there are the Restorers. Jones writes, "When a restorer couple’s marriage starts to feel subpar, they sit down and have a sensible discussion about where their marriage is and where they would like it to be. Then they set goals and seek the means to achieve those goals. Typically affluent, educated and highly motivated, restorer couples almost single-handedly support the vast and profitable marriage-improvement industry." These are the people who choose Collaborative Marriage and Collaborative Divorce when necessary.
In a Collaborative Divorce, the husband and wife communicate their goals to a team of professionals who assist in keeping the mutual goals as paramount as the marriage comes to an end. The Wife and Husband make all decisions, Not the Judge. Not the Attorneys. The Parties to the Marriage maintain control of their marriage and control of their divorce. Adults know sometimes bad things happen to good people. Adults know bad incidence do not define life. Adults know that hard choices require full disclosure of risks and benefits. Collaborative Attorneys know Moms and Dads make decisions in their children and families' best interests when given the opportunity and assistance.
Call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
I look forward to helping your family in its time of crisis.
The New York Times (www.nytimes.com) had two articles leading up to Valentines' Month that really hit on the issues of marriage, especially Long Term Marriage.
The first, Does Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex, compares the division of chores and the division of income to find a prosperous balance of work while maintaining sexual stereotypes of work division. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/09/magazine/does-a-more-equal-marriage-mean-less-sex.html
Both funny and illustrative, the article comes up with the following proper division for pure marital bliss: The risk of divorce is lowest when the husband does 40 percent of the housework and the wife earns 40 percent of the income.
Wish I had known that before I got engaged! My wife was an attorney when we met, and I was a Sailor. Not the romantic type on a yacht or sailing ship, the enlisted type, E-3. The difference in our incomes was quite staggering. Thankfully, after putting me through college and law school, my wife continues to practice, and our incomes greatly changed. I don't know how to divide housework, but I like doing most of the cooking. I prefer to do the 'man jobs' as well, but she routinely takes out the trash or takes the rolling carts to the street.
Daniel Jones, editor of Modern Love writes another article, Good Enough? That's Great! listing several types of people and problems with long term marriages, some of which might lead to awards of alimony, unequal equitable distribution and many other problems during a litigated divorce. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/02/fashion/good-enough-thats-great.html
"Those Who Sneak," as Jones calls them, are the primary pool of potential clients of most attorneys. We all know someone who is just one phone call, text or picture away from a nasty divorce fight. Of course they are the 'quiet victim' in their own mind. The philanderers, cheaters, letches and creeps follow stereotypes that prove the rule. When I hear women say, "all men are dogs" or "he just can't keep it in his pants" I am seldom sympathetic.
Then there are the people Jones refers to as the Quashers.
Quashers suppress their feelings of slights in order to keep their little world safe. Don't upset him. Don't make her angry. Just get over the feelings of anger, hurt, humiliation and fear. It won't happen again, until it does, and once again, they will quash their own feelings, desires, emotions to keep the family safe.
Finally there are the Restorers. Jones writes, "When a restorer couple’s marriage starts to feel subpar, they sit down and have a sensible discussion about where their marriage is and where they would like it to be. Then they set goals and seek the means to achieve those goals. Typically affluent, educated and highly motivated, restorer couples almost single-handedly support the vast and profitable marriage-improvement industry." These are the people who choose Collaborative Marriage and Collaborative Divorce when necessary.
In a Collaborative Divorce, the husband and wife communicate their goals to a team of professionals who assist in keeping the mutual goals as paramount as the marriage comes to an end. The Wife and Husband make all decisions, Not the Judge. Not the Attorneys. The Parties to the Marriage maintain control of their marriage and control of their divorce. Adults know sometimes bad things happen to good people. Adults know bad incidence do not define life. Adults know that hard choices require full disclosure of risks and benefits. Collaborative Attorneys know Moms and Dads make decisions in their children and families' best interests when given the opportunity and assistance.
Call me at 407-645-3297 or visit my website at www.aubreylaw.com
I look forward to helping your family in its time of crisis.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
How Busy is Your Attorney?
An attorney recently asked her colleagues for advice. She said:
Case load
Case load
What is the maximum amount of family law cases, a family law attorney should have to properly and adequately represent the client's interest?
I presently have an 92 family law case load. The vast majority of my family law cases are highly litigious, some with extremely difficult opposing counsels. In addition I have 19 criminal files increasing my case load to 111. I feel this is too much, but my employer does not see it that way and continue to assign me anywhere from 1 to 5 new files a day.
I only have 1 paralegal who does her best to keep up, but is drowning. Her duties include, scheduling, communication with the clients, gather and prepare discovery requests/demands, filing, scanning, prepare miscellaneous motions and send out client invoices. We work well as a team but it is increasingly hard to keep up. I wish to provide my employers with suggestions on how to improve so that the we do not feel so overworked. I have to address them like I am addressing a case, with strong arguments and facts on hand. Thus why I reached out to my colleagues here. Any suggestions are appreciated.
Sincerely,
Overworked Attorney
I presently have an 92 family law case load. The vast majority of my family law cases are highly litigious, some with extremely difficult opposing counsels. In addition I have 19 criminal files increasing my case load to 111. I feel this is too much, but my employer does not see it that way and continue to assign me anywhere from 1 to 5 new files a day.
I only have 1 paralegal who does her best to keep up, but is drowning. Her duties include, scheduling, communication with the clients, gather and prepare discovery requests/demands, filing, scanning, prepare miscellaneous motions and send out client invoices. We work well as a team but it is increasingly hard to keep up. I wish to provide my employers with suggestions on how to improve so that the we do not feel so overworked. I have to address them like I am addressing a case, with strong arguments and facts on hand. Thus why I reached out to my colleagues here. Any suggestions are appreciated.
Sincerely,
Overworked Attorney
I don't know how many cases I am currently handling, but I know I am not working as hard as this attorney. I suspect I also have a much better quality of life than this attorney. I too have one paralegal, but I also have a receptionist and a file clerk who do a Lot of work for us.
Really, how you handle a case is more important than the number of cases you handle. I try to let clients know up front how their case will proceed and what actions will be taken. When clients begin calling with problems, I set a time to meet personally to address their concerns. Many problems are avoided by ensuring expectations are reasonable before taking a case.
Most importantly, I take on cases that have reasonable expectations. If a client comes in seeking my assistance to do something patently abusive or unfair to their spouse, I decline the representation.
Actually, I decline quite a few clients. I want to provide good quality service at a reasonable fee. I cannot meet that goal by taking every case that calls or promising unreasonable results.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Why Does Divorce have to be So Complex?
Divorce, according to Wikipedia is the termination of a marital union, the canceling of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and the dissolving of the bonds of matrimony between a married couple. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce
Simply put, Divorce ends a marriage. Why is that so Difficult?
Almost every week the New York Times contains an article about divorce, whether involving the children of divorce in a Broadway play, the Collaborative process, a documentary film about divorce in foreign lands, responses to the legislature's plans for "no-fault" divorce, http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/17/opinion/17coontz.html?pagewanted=all or salacious articles regarding specific persons and their problems with divorce, such as the media mogul Rupert Murdoch: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/14/business/media/rupert-murdoch-files-for-divorce-after-14-years-of-marriage.html
At least for Murdoch, the end may be near:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/20/business/media/murdoch-divorce-said-to-be-almost-final.html?_r=0
If you pay attention to the news media, you might think divorce is either all too common or incredibly complex. Specific articles regarding divorce after 50, http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/22/fashion/weddings/divorce-after-50-grows-more-common.html
You may observe that the "children of divorce" suffer years of trauma to their psyche. Even the participants in the divorce process may look to coaches or therapy sessions to help their adjustment to single life. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/16/fashion/a-program-that-aims-to-lead-to-post-divorce-peace.html
Every major religion has teachings on Divorce, whether it be the requirement of a "get" for Jewish women to be divorced, Islamic requirements for an Imam's approval of the divorce. Even Scientologists have interesting issues: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/08/fashion/for-scientologists-divorce-is-no-simple-matter.html
An article last year detailed the Divorce Hotel where, in a weekend, couples could complete all the paperwork to finalize their divorce. The cost ranged between $3,500 and $10,000 depending on many factors. Unfortunately the Divorce Hotel is in the Netherlands! http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/27/business/the-divorce-hotel-a-true-weekend-getaway.html
Do you know why many lawyers support Same-sex marriage? Same-Sex DIVORCE!
We see in Mississippi the real national problem related to Same-sex marriage - no not those parochial concerns of religion - How do you get a divorce if you were married in Massachusetts and move to Texas? How do you get a divorce when the State of Texas doesn't even recognize the marriage? http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/28/us/mississippi-quest-for-a-same-sex-divorce.html
If you have questions regarding Alimony, Child Support, Equitable Distribution, Retirement Plans, Marital Property, call me 407-645-3297 or visit my website: www.aubreylaw.com
I look forward to helping you!
Simply put, Divorce ends a marriage. Why is that so Difficult?
Almost every week the New York Times contains an article about divorce, whether involving the children of divorce in a Broadway play, the Collaborative process, a documentary film about divorce in foreign lands, responses to the legislature's plans for "no-fault" divorce, http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/17/opinion/17coontz.html?pagewanted=all or salacious articles regarding specific persons and their problems with divorce, such as the media mogul Rupert Murdoch: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/14/business/media/rupert-murdoch-files-for-divorce-after-14-years-of-marriage.html
At least for Murdoch, the end may be near:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/20/business/media/murdoch-divorce-said-to-be-almost-final.html?_r=0
If you pay attention to the news media, you might think divorce is either all too common or incredibly complex. Specific articles regarding divorce after 50, http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/22/fashion/weddings/divorce-after-50-grows-more-common.html
You may observe that the "children of divorce" suffer years of trauma to their psyche. Even the participants in the divorce process may look to coaches or therapy sessions to help their adjustment to single life. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/16/fashion/a-program-that-aims-to-lead-to-post-divorce-peace.html
Every major religion has teachings on Divorce, whether it be the requirement of a "get" for Jewish women to be divorced, Islamic requirements for an Imam's approval of the divorce. Even Scientologists have interesting issues: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/08/fashion/for-scientologists-divorce-is-no-simple-matter.html
An article last year detailed the Divorce Hotel where, in a weekend, couples could complete all the paperwork to finalize their divorce. The cost ranged between $3,500 and $10,000 depending on many factors. Unfortunately the Divorce Hotel is in the Netherlands! http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/27/business/the-divorce-hotel-a-true-weekend-getaway.html
Do you know why many lawyers support Same-sex marriage? Same-Sex DIVORCE!
We see in Mississippi the real national problem related to Same-sex marriage - no not those parochial concerns of religion - How do you get a divorce if you were married in Massachusetts and move to Texas? How do you get a divorce when the State of Texas doesn't even recognize the marriage? http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/28/us/mississippi-quest-for-a-same-sex-divorce.html
If you have questions regarding Alimony, Child Support, Equitable Distribution, Retirement Plans, Marital Property, call me 407-645-3297 or visit my website: www.aubreylaw.com
I look forward to helping you!
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Social Security and Divorce? You have Questions, We have Answers!
UCF, my Alma Mater, does a Great Job in its Planned Giving Department. I wish I had time to write blog posts like this one: http://ucfgiving.org/?pageID=31&docID=508
You may have to review the article titled "How Divorce Can Affect Your Social Security" but it is well worth the read!
Covered are notes on how to get your Ex-spouse's Social Security to benefit you! We cover this in most divorces, but what you do not know can hurt your long term financial wellbeing.
When you have questions regarding Alimony, Social Security, Equitable Distribution in your complex divorce, call me. Or visit my website www.aubreylaw.com
I look forward to helping you.
You may have to review the article titled "How Divorce Can Affect Your Social Security" but it is well worth the read!
Covered are notes on how to get your Ex-spouse's Social Security to benefit you! We cover this in most divorces, but what you do not know can hurt your long term financial wellbeing.
When you have questions regarding Alimony, Social Security, Equitable Distribution in your complex divorce, call me. Or visit my website www.aubreylaw.com
I look forward to helping you.
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