Amazon CEO, Jeff Bezos’ net worth of
$137 Billion led to the National Enquirer putting out pictures and notes about
his affair. The Divorce proceedings were remarkably less “in the news.” In
fact, the only public notice came when settlement was entered awarding his wife
more than $37 Billion, and the couple wishing each other long and happy lives
as they go their separate ways. Actress
and Goop Founder, Gwyneth Paltrow made “Conscious Uncoupling” an interesting
addition to our lexicon, but then Ben Afleck and Jennifer Garner separated in a
mutually admirable way and people ask how?
Divorcing partners are increasingly
asking about Collaborative Divorce, even if they do not know that proper term.
People say, “I don’t want to fight; we still want to be friends,” or “We both
really want what’s best for the children.” So what is Collaborative Divorce? The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals says
this: Collaborative Divorce is a voluntary dispute resolution process in
which parties settle without resort to litigation.
Locally, the
collaborative attorneys work through a process encouraging the parties to sign
a collaborative participation agreement describing the nature and scope of the
matter; to voluntarily disclose all relevant or material information necessary
for decisions, and to agree to use good faith efforts to reach mutually
acceptable solutions. Each party has a lawyer or “coach” whose representation
terminates upon resort to any contested court proceeding, Litigation. The
parties also engage professional Neutrals in areas of mental health and finances
to administer the Collaborative process. The parties may jointly engage other
experts as needed to help them explore all available options for a mutually
agreeable uncoupling of their lives. By providing the support and guidance of
many years of professional training and experience, Collaborative Professionals
help the parties to complete their divorce without going to court to have a
judge decide what is “right” for their family by encouraging the use
of child and financial specialists all working together on a team.
·
After many years of “No Fault” Divorce,
Collaboration began to allow people to negotiate a mutually acceptable
resolution without having courts decide issues. Collaboration maintains open lines
of communication and encourages information sharing. These allow the parties to
create shared solutions acknowledging the highest priorities of all.
·
·
Whether Collaborative Divorce is right for you
will depend on many factors; however, seasoned professionals who have practiced
for many years observing thousands of divorces are turning to Collaboration in increasing numbers.
Uncoupling or ending any long-term
relationship is a sensitive and personal matter. No single approach is right
for everyone; however, there are alternatives and many couples find
Collaborative Divorce to be a welcome alternative to the often
destructive, and usually very expensive aspects of courtroom litigation.
How to decide? If the following values are important to you,
Collaborative Divorce is likely to be a workable option for you:
·
I want us to communicate with a tone of
respect.
·
I want to prioritize the needs of our
children.
·
My needs and those of my spouse/partner
require equal consideration, and I will listen objectively.
·
I believe that working creatively and
cooperatively resolves issues.
·
It is important to reach beyond today’s
frustration and pain to plan for the future.
·
I can behave ethically toward my
spouse/partner.
·
I choose to maintain control of the
divorce/separation process with my spouse/partner, and not relegate it to the
courts.
If this
approach reflects your own thinking, I suggest you talk to a
Collaboratively Trained Divorce Lawyer about your own situation. A
Collaborative professional can help you decide if Conscious Uncoupling is
the right alternative for you and your family.
